Playin' the Love Game
by Unlucky-charm
Summary: In South Park, people aren't always open about themselves. But Kenny can see right through them, will they ever be able to?   Multiple pairings!  style, gregstophe, creek, tyde etc.  Rated M, for stuff in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Playin' the love game

By the Unlucky-charm

When you've been living in a town, secluded from civilisation since the younger years of your life, you don't grasp ideas the same way normal city kids do. As you bloom into your teenage years, you start to realise that your parents are, in fact, close minded hillbillies from the mountains and that you yourself are slowly becoming one as well. Of course, as the generations go, the concentration of 'hick' in their lifestyle decreases, but never disappears.

Then again, that's was South Park was: a small hick town in the Colorado mountains.

In South Park, no one took kindly to strangers, especially if you were from a different culture. To be able to live in South Park comfortably , you had to be white as trash, Christian (or claimed to be) and possess a hatred for everything else, including: Muslims, Canadians, gays and so on. So technically, any social group that wasn't your own, would be instantly out casted.

That's where he came in; Kenny McCormick, the poorest, dirtiest boy in town. His smartass of a friend , Kyle, would call him 'South Park's little exception'. Why? Because the young man could be qualified as a poor, bisexual, perverted, trashy, immortal man-whore and yet was still accepted by the townspeople. On the contrary, based on what he knew, he was on good terms with everybody.

As for the rest of the citizens, putting aside their own tastes and personalities, were all the same...or so it seemed. Kenny could tell, after having lived with those people for a long time, if one of them had a dirty little secret, a skeleton in the closet, or even if they themselves were in there...

In all honesty, it was all very obvious to Kenny's eyes and it would have been to any other person's, but everyone else remained oblivious, along with the subjects of observation themselves. It was so pathetically amusing that, Kenny had made a little game of it.

Since the most interesting things to do around town included porn and death, the young blonde needed a hobby to himself. He hadn't actually sat down and thought up a game with rules, it all just had happened on its own and went on, eventually taking the title of 'game'.

It began when Kenny, being the observant bastard he was, spotted a few patterns emerge in the behaviour of his friends. Then, when his curiosity reached its peak, he took action and did some research.

Now, 'research' wasn't really the right word to use. He wouldn't go into a person's personal things or records or anything like that. He used a more subtle technique. By asking carefully picked questions discretely to the right person, he could get his answers. Kenny remained sneaky and smooth during the process, not that he had much of a choice. He couldn't really walk up to Stan and go: "Are you madly in love with your best friend?". Poor guy would have probably shit his pants by hearing that one true fact out loud, a fact he would no doubt deny with every fibre in his being.

His eyes closed, lying in his bed, Kenny chuckled at the image of Stan's reaction. He attempted to open his eyes, which squinted at the sudden flash of light. He picked his phone up from the mass of dirty sheets it was tucked into and checked the time: he still had half an hour before school started, but he had been awake for more than an hour. It was around 6 o'clock when the sound of his father hurling in the bathroom shook him out of his dreamless sleep.

Today was Friday, which meant they started with history (aka nap time), followed by English, which was Garrison's class, meaning a whole hour of pop culture updates. After lunch they had math and then ended with science; the only class Kenny was looking forward to. Today, they were dissecting an eye!

Without wanting to get out of the sweet clutches of his bed yet, he reached for his jeans on the floor and pulled them on from under the sheets, wanting to conserve the warmth of his feet for as long as possible. Once his pants were on, he sighed at the ceiling and closed his eyes.

"1, 2 and 3!" He counted down before hopping out of bed. He checked himself in the mirror hanging on the back of his closed door. He ruffled his hair around, fixing the strands that disobeyed and fell on his face. It looked a little messy but was acceptable. A girl had once told him it looked hot so he didn't really mind. He tugged on his tight fitting, black wife-beater and pulled his orange jacket over it. This was his everyday routine; he wore the same clothes, sometimes varying between a grey tank or a white tank, his sweats or light blue jeans and his jacket.

Kenny dragged himself to the bathroom and his lit up as he entered. It was his lucky day: there was toothpaste! With a smile on his face, he brushed his teeth. He was probably the very first teenager to take that much joy in oral hygiene. He spit out the white mousse, smiling at how it looked a lot like another kind of white substance.

Happy that his breath smelled nice, he walked to the kitchen prayed for another miracle: breakfast.

The empty kitchen raised disappointment, but he really didn't have his hopes up that high in the first place. The blonde considered going back and eating the toothpaste, but then decided against it.

Slipping on his black high tops, grabbing his bag, he yelled a 'goodbye' to his mom and a 'feel better' to his dad and left for school.

He was met with the cold that crawled into his chest through the thin fabric, as if it was angry at him, the wind yelling against his bare chest. Kenny obeyed it and zipped up his parka. In the distance, he spotted Stan and Kyle standing at the bus stop.

"Gaydar: activate." He whispered to himself and picked up his pace.

When around his 2 best friends, he would make it a point to keep his eyes extra open. Even the slightest gesture from Stan's part could prove a whole lot. Kenny had tested him several times and he never failed to meet his 'expectations'. If Stan was trying to hide his feelings, it wasn't working one bit. Every time Kenny ever flirted with the Jew or made any kind of contact, Stan tensed up. At time, when bored, he would do it just for the fun of seeing his jock friend aggravated.

Observe.

"Hey Ky!" He said cheerfully and appeared right in front of the redhead. "Check it out."

He hooked his index finger into Kyle's shirt and pulled his face uncomfortably close to his. With flirty eyes and an open mouth, he breathed hot air into his face.

When Kyle wrinkled his nose and looked away in disgust, Kenny used the opportunity to glance at the noirette.

Results:

Death glare, clenched fists, gritted teeth behind a tightly shut jaw= jealous and frustrated.

He would have to write that down in his notebook later. Yes, he had a notebook where he wrote all his observations down. It was really a sort of binder where each section was entitled after a different couple. The very first section was of Stan and Kyle because it was the easiest to figure out.

"Kenny! What the hell was that for!" Kyle yelled, losing his temper with ease.

"Did I have bad breath?" Kenny asked with fake innocence.

"N-no but-! Oh...no, it actually smelled minty... oh cool you got toothpaste?"

Kyle's tone went from 'punch you in the face' to 'I'm so excited for you'.

"Congrats dude." Stan said and patted him on the back, adding a little force, obviously as some form of revenge for having gotten too close to his Kyle.

"Was it a big tube?" Kyle went on, maintaining his same bouncy air, causing Stan's frown to relax and form into an adoring stare.

The thought of making the perverted joke with 'the big tube' crossed the blonde's mind, but the bus arrived and they stepped in, ignoring the shrill yells of the aged Mrs. Crabtree.

Since Mr and Mrs Marsh always sat together, Kenny would take the seat behind them, next to Butters. He would greet him with a smile and share his cheerio's he always had in a Ziploc. So Kenny never really minded.

"Hey Kenny, how are you?"

"Hey Buttercup, you ready for today?"

This little blonde was the only friend Kenny never had to test or take notes about. Butters was open about everything, especially with Kenny.

"O-oh, dear no. I don't think it's very nice to cut open the eye of a sweet little cow."

It was when he said things like that when Butters was at his cutest.

"The cow's already dead Buttercup, so it's okay isn't it?"

"I guess..." He pouted. "But it's still yucky,"

Kenny chuckled at his friend's innocence. With Butters, 'fuck' became 'fudge', the words 'mean person' were used to describe bitches and even 'gross' wasn't gross, it was yucky.

"It'll be fun, don't worry." He tried assure him. Truth was, the perverted blonde couldn't wait to cut through some flesh and guts to rip out a retina, but he didn't think it appropriate to tell Butters that.

"Were gonna be late again." The smaller blonde sighed, pulling his sleeve up to check his Hello Kitty watch.

"Sort of defeats the purpose of taking the school bus, huh?"

Mrs. Crabtree usually decides to sleep in on school mornings, so they all got to school right on time. They were dropped off and then forced to go to class. So, if you hadn't done the work for 1st period and you took the bus, you were in shit.

Today was even worse. They were actually LATE for school and the second the bus stopped in front of the school entrance, Kenny watched as everyone in the bus bolted out of the bus and into the school, not wanting to be late for their lessons, in Butters' case; history.

Despite being late for the same class, Kenny took his time and got to class a few minutes after everyone. Being the small group they were, absolutely everybody their age was in the same class. They never got to live that 'high school experience'. It was all just like elementary only harder. The only positive thing about it was that you were never separated from you friends when it came to classes and you never needed to tell them stories since they were there with you when it happened.

"You're late McCormick." Mr. Levithan said as Kenny entered the class without even knocking.

The blonde ignored the teacher and sat down at his place, not even bothering to pay attention. A minute hadn't even passed when he fell asleep on his desk and was woken up by the bell and hour later.

"Do you always sleep during history?" Kyle asked when they were putting their books into their lockers.

Kyle's tone was casual but Kenny could tell he was concerned.

"Yep! And I still pass!" Kenny said happily. "I don't really try that hard in school or pay attention, really"

At this, Stan snorted.

"Yeah you do. Sometimes I see you taking notes in your binder during class."

'damn, they've noticed...' Kenny thought to himself.

"True, but they're mostly doodles and stuff." He lied.

They continued walking to Garrison's classroom, with Kenny smiling. He was, once again, imagining Stan's reaction if he had told him something like: 'Yeah, I'm taking notes of how you stare at your best friend's ass and drool all over you desk when he's up at the board doing math problems'.

He let out a soft chuckle, unheard from his other two friends.

"Hey guys." The annoying, nerve wracking voice appeared from behind them. The owner of it matched their pace and walked with them.

"Hey fatass." Kyle said casually.

"Hey Jew." Cartman answered in the same tone. They were so used to it, a stranger would have thought they were using cute nicknames for each other (Kenny and Stan would assure them that, that was not the case, for sure).

"Token's inviting us to breakfast tomorrow morning. He's paying, you guys up for it?"

"I'm down." Kyle answered, Stan nodding along him.

"Sure." Kenny answered to nobody's surprise. For the record, it WAS considered free food and Kenny would never have turned down such an offer.

Breakfast with Token wasn't really 'new'. They would do it occasionally, just hang out at some fancy place with a really good buffet. Token was a God when it came to good taste, one of the very few people in South Park who had any (the others were his parents).

Garrison's class was one of Kenny's favourite classes . No, not because he cared so much about Justin Bieber's relationship with Selena Gomez, but because it was the perfect time to write in his notebook. He was in the last row, sitting right behind Kyle who sat right next to Stan, so that way he wouldn't miss any special moments. Every conversation, look or argument (which Kenny dismissed as lovers' spat) would be heard and registered by the sneaky blonde sitting behind them.

So there he was, sitting quietly in the classroom, alert and ready for the slightest move or exchange of words that would be worth writing down. And then, 20 minutes into class, it happened.

"Hey Ky?" Stan whispered.

If Kenny was a cat, his ears would have shot up right then.

"What?"

"How do you spell 'decapitate'?" He asked naively.

The red head sighed. "D-E-C-A-P-I-T-A-T-E. Idiot."

"Hey! Shut up fag."Stan replied and gave his friend a gentle shove.

Kenny instantly took note of it. Stan was hiding it pretty well, but that uneasiness and awkwardness in his voice when saying 'fag' did not go unnoticed by Kenny.

When he called his best friend a fag, it could have been to cover up his own sexuality by using such a crude word. And the blonde was sure that that was not what Stan had meant. When a guy like Stan is 'in love' everything he says has a double meaning.

'Shut up fag' is actually a plea meaning: 'Oh God Ky, please be a fag with me!'

And that shove was obviously just an excuse to touch him, to be able to feel him without breaking the boundaries of friendship. Besides his inability to spell, Stan was a smart guy and knew how to not act purely on emotions.

The time passed with Stan throwing quick and short glances toward Kyle, his face a little reddened and his lower lip held captive by his teeth.

Could he really not take his eyes off the Jew? Was he THAT allured by him?

The answer to both those questions may be yes, but the reason why Stan was blushing, biting his lips and sweating nervously was because he had a total hard-on. That's right, Stan was aroused in class.

Cause: Kyle Broflovski.

'Tsk, tsk, tsk, dirty thoughts Stanley~' Kenny thought to himself.

Before saving the information into his binder, Kenny wanted to be sure of his hunches. He crumpled some tissues into his hand and got up to throw them out. Passing next to Stan, he slowly lowered his eyes to Stan's crotch.

Results: Stan had chosen the wrong day to wear skinny jeans.

The bell rang and the whole student body was off to the cafeteria for lunch. Lunch was a special time for Kenny where he could get lucky or just sit around hungry, depending on the moods of his piers. It was also a time of day that the blonde looked forward to; it was one the rare times where he could witness some Gregory and Christophe moments. The two almost never showed up for class (other than gym) and would only appear at the cafeteria for some food. They always had some large plans laid out on the table as they munched on organic and low fat crap. Nobody really knew what they were up to, but that wasn't what interested Kenny.

The fact was, neither of the two Europeans was ever associated with any female activity. It was always just to two of them, never anyone else. Well, except for this one time where they needed to hack into something and Kevin helped them, but other than that they were always alone together. Now, according to Kenny, that isolation was bound to create some sexual frustration.

"Kenny you want my fries?" Stan asked him and pushed the food towards him.

So, this WAS his lucky day and hopefully he'd spot some touchy-feely from the part of his objects of observation.

Christophe was examining some of the large blue papers on the table in front of him. He was wearing his usual tight black t-shirt and gloves. On his arm were over 4 nicotine patches and cigarette dangling from his mouth. What was the point of it? Nobody knows. His brown hair was messy as hell, complementing the dark circles under his dark eyes.

Gregory, on the other hand, was wearing a button down shirt, rolled up to his elbows and clean jeans. His blonde hair was gelled back with a few strands dangling over his forehead. He was chattering on cheerfully, obviously trying to get some attention from the Frenchman, who refused to allow him any. Gregory just rolled his eyes and sighed, giving up and stared at the plans with boredom.

Kenny's guess was that Christophe put his work (whatever it was) before anything and Gregory was fighting to take up first place in Chris's thoughts. The Brit has been losing that battle for a long time, but just kept on trying. Unlike his partner, he had the patience of a kindergarten teacher. But his patience had a limit, Kenny knew that one day, Gregory would snap and blow up all over Christophe and of course, he would be there to witness it all.

Closing away the conversation his friends were having beside him, he observed them attentively. Gregory's eyes seemed to have shifted from the plans to the nicotine patches on Christophe's arm. Not pulling his eyes away from the arm, he said something the Christophe who looked at his arm as well. Gregory frowned and Christophe stared at him like a child who had gotten into trouble. The blonde Brit plucked out the cigarette from his partner's mouth and shook his head at him. The brunette smiled apologetically, an old and tired smile, which made Greg smile back in return.

They were cute, that was a given. Kenny imagined them at their 'work' in a near death experience, where they confessed to each other just in case their lives were taken away from them, leaving no feelings unspoken. Sad part is, something like that could actually happen. Christophe was from Paris, wasn't that the city of love or something? Shouldn't he be all romantic and shit? No wonder Gregory was so charmed by him. Kenny wrote all this down.

"What are you writing in there Ken?" Kyle asked, startling him.

"Oh, um, just some work I have to catch up on."

After the break, math class started. The teacher put them into teams of two and expected them to do some work.

"Ugh, Kenny I don't get this." Butters whined.

"Butters, you're seriously asking ME? How the hell should I know?"

"You're a terrible partner." He complained.

"So are you."

A few seconds passed with both of them staring at the problem and then Kenny spontaneously shut the book and turned to the other blonde.

"So how's life?" He asked.

"Terrible." He said and held his face in his palm.

"Okay, okay what's wrong."

"Bradley Biggle."

"The blonde preppy kid? What about him?"

"He came out of the closet the other day..."

"So?"

"Well he suddenly seems, I don't know...sexier."

"Ew."

"Shut up Kenny! It's not like I can control my feelings!"

"Or hormones..."

Butters shoved him hard, which barely made him move, being that it was Butters who was pushing.

"He just looks yummier than I remember." He continued.

"Okay, first of all, never say 'yummier' ever again. Second, maybe it's just the fact that he's available to you know that you feel you have to take a shot at it."

"So what should I do then?" He asked.

"Take a shot at it. Ask him out."

"I don't want to sound like some whore who just wants to get some."

God, there was really no pleasing this kid, Kenny complained in his head.

"You won't sound like a whore." He assured. "Just really, REALLY, horny."

After that, Butters really got angry. He ignored Kenny for the rest of the course, and instead, spent it staring at his 'beloved' Bradley. Seeing Butters watch a guy like that was actually very creepy. His facial expression didn't express love nor affection. There were only two things Kenny could make out when watching the scene: Butters and his prey. That's all there was to it. The blonde felt a sudden urge to hold the smaller boy in his arms just in case he suddenly pounced on Bradley and began eating him. So all the cute innocence that Kenny would see in his friend melted away, revealing the perverted monster he really was, which scared him. However others might have found it...yummier. Kenny kicked himself for having even thought of that word and got up to get to his final class.

Ten minutes into the break, the science teacher opened the door. Kenny sat in front of the lockers a bit further away.

"Should we go in?" Stan asked.

"Let's just wait for the bell." Kenny answered, not wanting to move from his spot just yet.

Suddenly, the ground began to shake and a heavy thumping noise got louder and louder. Cartman dashed passed them, headed towards the science lab, yelling about 'cutting up eyeballs'.

"I wouldn't do that If I were him." Kyle said.

They all watched as the large boy ran into the class, only to come out of it seconds later, crawling and coughing.

"What the FUCK is THAT!" He yelled, his eyes watering.

"You okay fatass?" Stan yelled back to him.

"It smells like SHIT in there!"

The bell rang and the rest of the boys went off to class, which apparently smelled like shit. Only this time, at the doorway, stood Mrs. Crowes, handing out hospital gloves and masks.

"I feel like a surgeon." Kyle said, his voice barely audible from behind the mask.

Now Kenny knew how it was like for his friends when they were kids and he wore that hood of his.

"Ugh, even with this thing on my face, I can still smell the guts." Stan complained, positioning his mask and pressing it harder to his mouth.

"It's not the eyes that smell, it's the chemical they were soaking in." The Jew explained. "It's called formaldehyde."

"Well this formalde-crap is disgusting."

The smell was strong and made everyone in class dizzy. After the teacher explained for what seemed to be this very long time, they all got to work. Science was the only class where all three of them were put into a team.

"Okay so what are we doing here?" Stan asked, rubbing his gloved hands together.

"Did you not hear a THING the teacher said?"

"Nope."

"We have to separate the different parts of the eye." Kenny said and poked the eye with his scalpel.

"What's the white squishy stuff on it?" Stan asked, wrinkling his nose.

"Fat." Kyle said. "We have to remove it."

The whole situation reminded Kenny of an operating room, only he was the cow's eye, Stan was the surgeon and Kyle was his sexy nurse.

"Okay, I got this." Stan began to cut out the fat, concentrating hard.

"Ew! I got some on my finger!" He complained and shook his hand in the airs, trying to get it off.

"It won't come off!" he continued.

Neither Kyle or Kenny could have predicted it, not could have thought that Stan was that stupid.

"Wholly fuck I'm bleeding!" Stan yelled and began to panic.

The idiot had tried to remove the piece of fat with his scalpel, cutting through the latex, his skin and deeper into the flesh.

"Goddamnit Stan!" Kyle yelled and lost all the color in his face.

The redhead removed his gloves and Stan's as well. Then he took his best friend's hand in his and began wiping off the blood.

"Should I call the teacher?"

"Um, no please don't, just help." Stan panicked, also becoming white.

Kyle stopped in his actions, grunted and looked at Stan.

"Then I'm going to have to disinfect it right away. Like, now."

"Will it burn?" Stan said, sounding like a little girl.

Kyle looked hesitant, and Kenny suddenly had an idea of what was going to happen.

"Not sure." He said and gulped. He then brought up Stan's hand to his mouth slowly.

"Ky...?"

He licked the gash gently. Stanley whimpered, not really in pain, and blushed. His eyes widened and then closed. He was probably fighting the urge to rape the Jew and Kenny would have done the same if he were in his shoes.

But this bothered Kenny.

Kyle had no idea of Stan's feelings and here he was, creating false hope in the noirette's mind. Kenny wanted to yell out, wanted to say something, but knew he couldn't. He had no right to be mad at Kyle's actions, because they were unintentional. He was leading Stan on blindly. What Kyle didn't know, was that it was those small favours and gestures he did, which over the years had gotten him the number one position in Stan's priorities

Kenny was suddenly wishing he had his notebook.


	2. Chapter 2

Playin' the Love Game

Chapter 2

By the Unlucky-Charm

Saturday morning, at 7 o'clock, Kenny sat on his living room couch watching Terrence & Phillip, his favourite childhood show.

This morning, it wasn't anyone throwing up that woke him, but he did so on his own. It was the promise of a good breakfast that got him on his feet and ready to go.

He heard a car horn outside his house. He grabbed his bag and ran out, meeting Stan's car, with Kyle riding shotgun. Kenny got into the backseat, next to Cartman.

"Hey Kinny." He greeted him.

"Hey guys. How's your hand, retard?" Kenny asked the driver, jerking his chin out to the bandaged hand grasping the steering wheel. It was wrapped neatly; obviously Kyle's work, much to Stan's enjoyment.

"It's better." The redhead answered for him, frowning down and the white clad hand.

"So where is this place?" Stan asked, starting up the car again.

"Um well, we have to pick up Clyde first; he's at Tweak's coffee shop." Cartman explained. "He knows the way there."

Clyde lived right next to the shop. Him, Token and Craig would usually meet up there to keep Tweek company and of course the free coffee. Kenny and his friends didn't have that special treatment from the twitchy blonde, but it wasn't unexpected.

Token's group was a little different than theirs. Even though they all hung out together, Clyde and Token were considered best friends and Tweek and Craig were a separate pairing. The Token group worked in different ways. It consisted of the dominant ones (Craig and Token) and of the more submissive ones (Tweek and Clyde). They were protective of each other and were actually caring, which meant Kenny had to open his eyes and ears to make sure he could tell the difference between 'bro love' and 'love love'.

Sure, the four seemed really close, but nobody knew how close they actually were. People always wondered why Clyde and Token sat in the hallways together in complete and utter silence, texting each other, but Kenny did. One word:

Fuck-buddies.

That's right, fuck-buddies. They wrote about things that could not be spoken out loud, Kenny was almost certain. All it took was a simple phone call Clyde had made during Token's absence in the boy's bathroom a while ago for him to reveal everything...well almost.

Based on what he could roughly remember, Kenny had written some stuff down in his notebook :

**Clyde- What you mean now? Your house is too far away. I can't just walk.**

**Token spoke.**

**Clyde- No, don't pick me up.**

**Token said something that made Clyde blush.**

**Clyde-You know, we can't do this every time I get rejected by a girl. **

**Token again.**

**Clyde- Yeah, it does make me feel better.**

**Token.**

**Clyde-Okay, okay fine, after school okay? Your parents better not be home.**

Kenny had a couple of ideas of what Token was saying on the other line, but nothing was certain. He wasn't even sure that 'sex' was what they were talking about, but it sure as hell sounded like it.

So that was pairing number 3 in his binder. Not a complicated one, easy to write about, easy to understand...

Craig and Tweek? Now that was a different story.

Token and Clyde were called fuck-buddies for a reason, meaning they never really shared a relationship, per say. When one of them got horny they'd just screw around until satisfied. However, there seemed to be more between Craig and Tweek. It was obvious to Kenny that Craig had not once laid a finger on the caffeine addict, which frankly, was pretty damn cute. Tweek was, of course, clueless of the whole situation and if anyone told him otherwise he would downright have a panic attack. But if Craig was aware, Kenny couldn't tell. That guy kept such a calm air and stoic expression that you couldn't figure out a thing. If he did know, then it was pretty damn impressive how he was maintaining a straight face like that. Long story short, the force ran deeper in pairing number 4.

Stan parked the car in front of the cafe and they all went in. As they were told, Clyde was inside, standing next to Craig who was ordering a coffee from the barista behind the counter. When the huge man in a suit standing in front of them moved, Tweek Tweak could be made out as being the one and only worker in the whole place. It was the perfect environment to be spotting some Craig and Tweek action.

It was normal to see the noirette at the coffee place. If anyone were to be looking for Craig (which never happened) he was either at school, home or the cafe. It was part of his routine. Every morning, the guy couldn't go through the day without his coffee. Then, at 4 o'clock, he had a second one. People thought it comical that Craig had also developed a liking for the beverage just like his best friend...

The thing was.

Craig didn't like coffee.

He wouldn't drink not a single drop.

Yes, that is the truth. The guy hated the stuff. What he did, every time, was hold the cup in his hands for a few minutes and then throw it out. That's how that pairing had originally began; when Kenny noticed that habit of Craig's.

So, naturally, there Craig was, simply holding his coffee and merely raising an eyebrow when he spotted them. Clyde who was standing in front of him, spun around and flashed the group one of his child-like grins.

"Oh! You're here! So, shall we?" He said, swinging his arms toward the entrance door like some kind of valet.

"Might as well, since apparently I'm playing chauffeur today." Stan rolled his eyes as he spoke.

Kyle smacked him on the back of his head and frowned at him.

"It's your punishment for being an idiot while using a knife." He hissed.

The noirette lowered his eyes and rubbed the side of his arm awkwardly. The blonde's eyebrows flew up momentarily and then quickly regained their original placement to avoid anyone noticing his reaction.

So Stan was...what? Kyle's bitch? Sure did look like it.

He smiled in his mind because he couldn't really do so at the present.

Kyle was noticeably smaller than Stan in height and build, but he was still the little spitfire in front of whom Stan would cower.

If Stan was a dog, Kyle would probably whip him going 'Bad Stanley! Bad!' and the other boy would look up to him with a pair of shameful puppy dog eyes. But hey, dog and bitch aren't THAT far apart. So one can only dream...

"Oooh, Stan! And your gonna just take that!" Clyde mocked, hurting the guy's pride all the more.

"He made some very valid points." Stan mumbled under his breath, his eyes still glued to the floor.

"Hey Tucker." Cartman said to Craig who had only just come closer to them.

"Hey."

"Having some coffee are we?" Kenny cut in with one of his double meaning/test questions.

"Yep."

"Just like every morning hm?"

"Can't go a day without."

The coffee in his hands being brought up, Craig had no other choice than to take a fake sip from the cup, while glancing back to the counter.

'Can't go without what Craig?' Kenny thought to himself. 'The coffee or Tweek? 'Cause you don't seem to be enjoying the coffee as much'

Speaking those words out loud would have been suicide. With Stan, he could get away with it; with Craig, he'd have to get away before being punched in the face. The thought made him uneasy, so he continued with his 'interrogations'.

"Hey Tweek!" Kenny yelled over Craig's wide shoulder.

The blonde squealed and then waved back.

"So Craig," He addressed the noirette once more. "Will you be joining us?"

His attention still being dedicated to Tweek, the stoic teen started when his name was spoken.

"Huh? Oh, nah, Tweek needs tutoring today. Biology makes him paranoid."

'Then good luck having sex with him, bro' Kenny thought.

Craig didn't bitch or complain about being deprived of breakfast with them and he could have even been the one to suggest the study session to Tweek. Or maybe Tweek wasn't even aware yet...

So Craig was like some sort of father figure to Tweek. The paranoid boy looked up to his friend like someone who was older and wiser. He trusted his judgement and followed whatever he did, knowing it would be the right thing. And Craig saw Tweek as someone he had to take under his wing and protect, you know, except when he was undressing him with his eyes which wasn't very 'fatherly' of him.

"Why don't you just bring Tweek with you?" Kyle asked.

"Well he doesn't really eat breakfast. It's mostly just coffee and oatmeal when I tell him to. Kid barely ever eats anything; I gotta remind him sometimes."

'Wow' Kenny thought and then mentally thanked Kyle for having asked the question. He knew that, first thing he was doing at the restaurant was take the notes before he forgot them. This was all important stuff and as much as he hated to say; the food could wait.

The car ride took them into some of the bigger towns near Denver. Stan drove through a couple of blocks, where the houses were as big as Cartman's ass. They were most probably in the rich part of the unnamed town, but no surprise there since the restaurant was supposed to be really high class.

"Is that it?" Kyle asked, pointing at this old looking building.

It was a small establishment, looking very classy with these vine-like plants growing over it's walls. The place didn't even have a proper name, the sign just said 'Restaurant'. So far, none of them were impressed with the place, there was nothing really extravagant about it.

When they entered, they knew they had spoken too soon. The room was vast and spacious. Waiters were graciously gliding between tables, swinging plates and cups over the heads of customers. In the corner, was a violinist playing and everyone, absolutely everybody, was dressed like they were going to a wedding. Hell, even for a wedding they wouldn't be dressed that fancy. None of them would ever have that will power to wake up and clean up that well for breakfast.

Standing near a large table, accompanied by a man who seemed to be the owner of the restaurant, Token waved them over. The table was already set, holding the exact number of chairs and silverware needed, disposed uniformly in front of them.

"Hey guys, this is Henry, the owner."

The man smiled and shook each of their hands. Unlike the waiters, he was dressed in a suit and tie, differentiating him from the rest of the staff. Token and him had obviously been acquainted before by how comfortably they spoke to each other. They spoke in a friendly matter about business and things rich people would spend their time doing. The dark skinned boy looked like an adult, much older than what his boyish features gave away.

With a final thank you and a nod, the man was off into the kitchen.

"Well guys, have a seat."

They all sat down awkwardly, feeling more out of place than ever in their hats and hoods and jeans.

"Dude what the hell was that?" Stan told Token with an impressed smile. "Should we call you Sir? Or Mr. Black? I mean, are you sure were not ruining your image or anything?"

Token chuckled and arrogantly glanced around the rest of the restaurant. The people there seemed more intimidated by him than the other way around. Even next to other rich people, Token's aura and wealth was still out of the ordinary.

"These people aren't all that rich. They just wear the best clothes they have and dine here, blowing off their monthly pay checks just to look good. They're all just posers. I can tell." He took a sip from his coffee. " I would never take you guys somewhere with REAL rich people, you wouldn't enjoy yourselves."

It was nice of him to take his friends into consideration and his words calmed some nerves around the table. Kenny was relieved because the one thing he was fearing was table manners. Of course he knew how to use a damn fork, but when there were at least four different ones in front of him, guessing was his last resort.

Luckily, it was a buffet and he didn't have to try and understand any complicated menus in Italian or French. He had always hated when restaurants did that. They WERE living in America, so why write the whole damn menu in another language?

Kenny took some of everything that they were serving, even though he didn't know what half of them were. It all just smelled really nice and it wasn't like his friends weren't filling their plates any less than he was.

"Hey guys, way to be subtle about it." Token commented when everyone was seated.

Compared to the people next to us, we were acting like cavemen. On one side, Stan was dipping his bread directly into his mini tub of butter and Cartman was popping diced potatoes into his mouth like they were fries. Kyle was the only thing that came close to 'polite' and Stan must have noticed that too since he suddenly picked up a knife and blushed slightly.

The food was AMAZING. Each bite was savoured and chewed on slowly to preserve the taste as long as possible. Nobody spoke because they were so caught up in the heavenly taste of their food.

"Token..." Cartman moaned. "This food is incredible."

"Dude, quiet down, sounds like your fucking me or something." He hissed.

'Yeah, you'd know what that sounds like.' Kenny thought.

Breakfast went on with nothing notebook worthy, much to Kenny's disappointment. They talked, laughed and made fun of Clyde who, yet again, got rejected by some girl.

"She didn't reject me, she just said she already has a boyfriend!" He whined.

"Dude, Bebe Stevens is single as far as I know, so you totally got rejected." Token told him and settled the matter.

A few minutes later, when everyone had finished eating, the waiters came and picked up our empty plates, except for Kyle's, which was sill half full for some reason.

"Hey Ky, didn't like the food or something?" Token asked.

"Nah, was good, I just feel a little weird."

"It's your little sensitive Jew stomach Kahl."

"Fuck you Cartman, at least my stomach isn't bulging out of my pants at the moment."

Heh, Jew burn.

They all left the restaurant after Token having paid for the whole thing. Outside, a valet was waiting for him with his Mercedes. Why had he hired a valet? Nobody knew.

"Clyde you're with me? Anyone else wanna come?"

The boy leaned against his gorgeous car and twirled the keys on his finger. With his designer sunglasses on and his flashy white smile to top it all off, he looked like your typical rich kid and made a few heads turn, some of them belonging to some very pretty girls across the lot.

"I'll come. There's no room in Stan's tiny crap car anyways." Cartman said.

"That's because you take up all the space fatso."

"Shut up Jew!"

Kyle rolled his eyes and headed for Stan's car. He opened the back door and disappeared inside. Kenny found it odd that he didn't want to sit shotgun, but brushed it off.

The car ride home was silent. Stan and Kenny tried having some conversations but they ended short and Kyle didn't even participate. They were headed for Stan's house because it was only 11 o'clock in the morning and they didn't feel like going to Token's. They wanted to relax and unwind. For that, Stan's house was the best because there was never anyone home.

Halfway in their ride home, Kenny glanced back at Kyle. The redhead had his head leaning against the window and his eyes were closed. The blonde nudged their driver with his elbow and once he had his attention, jerked his head back. Stan looked up into the back view mirror and shrugged.

"Hey Ky? You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah."

The rest of the way, Stan tried again a few more times, this time adding "you know you can tell us" or "sorry you just seem weird", but his answer was still 'yeah, I'm fine'.

They got to Stan's and the silence stretched on. The noirette hooked up his Xbox and began setting up a game. Kenny saw him open his mouth to say something but closed it again. Kyle had gone from silent to down right depressed. He had a worried look on his face. Once of those looks he had when they had an exam the next day and he hadn't started studying yet (he aced the damn thing anyway), but this time it looked a little more serious.

Stan opened his mouth again, but the redhead's phone rang.

"Hello?"

...

"Oh hey..."

...

"Like right now?"

...

"Um wait a second."

He put his hand on the receiver and turned to his friends.

"Um, guys, I'm going to take this upstairs, I'll be right back."

Without any of them answering, he ran up the stairs and the sound of the bathroom door shutting echoed in the empty house.

"What's up with him?" Kenny asked.

"I don't know, I'm worried."

'Of course you are, you love him' He wanted to say.

"Of course you are, you're his best friend." Kenny actually said.

"Hey Ken...you think he's hiding something?"

"Of course he is retard! What should we do?"

"I don't know man," Stan said looking hesitant and biting the side of his thumb. "I don't wanna piss him off, you know? If he doesn't wanna tell us, maybe we should let him be."

"I guess..." Kenny was a little disappointed. He was beginning to get kind of curious and was about to propose they tackle the Jew to get the stuff out of him, but Stan seemed to have the more mature solution, which was odd for him.

"Or we could tickle him and then he'd tell us." Stan added, and destroyed the new found respect Kenny just had had for him.

"Um, that won't be necessary." Kyle appeared on top of the staircase. "I have to tell you guys something."

He came down the stairs and grabbed his coat.

"Going somewhere?" Kenny asked him.

"Yeah." He answered, putting on his coat. "On a date... with my girlfriend apparently."

This would have been a perfect moment for Kenny to examine Stan's face and take notes, but he seemed to be stunned himself.

"Your what now?"

"Girlfriend." He checked his watch and sighed. "Bebe."

If the first revelation was a slap to the face, the second one was a kick to the balls.

Kyle stared at his two friends who weren't moving nor speaking and Stan's breathing might have stopped as well.

"I'll..." He glanced at Stan. "I'll talk to you guys later." He opened the door and left, his gloomy expression gone with him.

After that Kenny timed everything. He needed to make the right moves at the right time.

The door slammed. Kenny counted: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

He heard Stan sit down on the couch. He started again: One, two, three, four.

There was the ruffling of hair and the rustling of clothing. Skin slid on skin and Kenny knew Stan had buried his face into his palm. One last time: One, two three.

He turned around and went to him. He wasn't sure what to say or how to react. Should he pretend like he's shocked? Or ask him why he looks so sad? Or should he just go ahead and tell him he knew all along.

"You knew didn't you?" He startled Kenny.

"Um, no dude, Kyle didn't tell me anything."

"Not what I'm talking about..."

"Oh. Then I guess I did."

"Ken?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you come here for a sec?"

The blonde hesitated. He wasn't sure how Stan was reacting; if he was angry or just plain sad. Would he beat his face if he took another step closer? But Kenny didn't really care. His friend needed him and he would be there for him, even that resulted in pain.

"S-sure." He said and sat beside him.

Stan removed his hands from his face and the pained look on his face made Kenny WANT to be punched if that meant he would feel better. Stan bit on the side of his lip, trying to stop the water in his eyes from escaping. He didn't look at him though, he didn't seem to be able too. And before he knew it, Kenny was pressed against his chest and wrapped up in his large football player arms. Kenny wanted to hug him back, but was crushed. He could barely move, but that was okay.

"He's gone for good, huh?" Stan's voice had a smile in it, but a sad one at that.

"Well...it's not like their never gonna break up..." And that's all Kenny had. There were no other words of comfort he could think of.

"Yeah, but this just confirms it."

Kenny knew what he meant. "Confirms what?" He said anyways.

"He's straight, Ken."

Kenny regretted making him say those words, since they must have cut through his throat when they came out, at least that's what it sounded like.

Kenny wasn't sure what to do, so just kept mumbling that it was all going to be all right, though he never promised anything. He thought about Kyle's face when he told them and how he didn't seem to be very excited about it nor very happy. In fact, he looked down right pissed. Could he have possibly known Stan's secret and had fled in fear of his best friend's reaction to the revelation? If that was the case, Kenny was ready to punch his giant Jew nose in, but he doubted it all strongly. He didn't say any of this to Stan though, no use giving a broken man false hope, only to see him fall to pieces again.

It was only when Kenny got home that night, that he noticed the dampness of his shirt on his shoulders. The realisation sent another stab through his chest and gave him a reason to do what he knew he was going to do the second he had seen the noirette's crushed expression. He picked up his notebook and ripped out the first section, throwing it into his trash bin.

That pairing, to him, was no longer to be considered a game.


	3. Chapter 3

Playin' the Love Game

Chapter 3

By the Unlucky-Charm

Sunday mornings had always been the calmest ones in the McCormick household. There were many reasons for that, the main one being that his parents, despite their sinful ways, insisted on going to church for some reason. It was maybe because they thought by going to church, all the wrong they have done would 'not count', in their words. Kenny had tried telling them that that was not how it worked, but that had ended in the creation of even more sins and therefore, more church.

He crawled out of bed to go brush his teeth with toothpaste, when a wave of panic hit at the sight of some papers in his trash can. Remembering the events of the previous night and the decision he had made, he calmed down and grabbed what was left of his binder.

In the kitchen, he brushed his teeth, went through his binder and planned out what he was going to do for the day. He decided on winging it, starting from the coffee house, to see where that would take him. Kenny saw the day like a board game; he started out on a square, but didn't know where he would end up.

Tweak's coffee shop was the best place to start, because he never knew who he would see there. Well, obviously there was Craig and Tweek, but the rest was a mystery. At that thought, he thought it a smart move to bring along his notebook.

When he flew over the pages, he realised the same thing he always did: damn, everyone was seriously gay. If you looked at it a certain way, almost all of the good looking guys in his grade were playing for the other team. All that was left was him and the fatass, but that only depended on whether or not there was a girl who had a fat fetish in town. If not, Kenny was left alone. At the end of his binder, he left a few extra papers to take notes on. He decided to use those for the new pair, consisting of Kyle and Bebe. He would be observing this pairing with a more backwards perspective. Instead of looking for signs of affection and unnecessary contact, he would be waiting for any signs of dislike.

He had found a new thing to be dedicated to, other than spying on people and writing down any significant action. He knew he had to help Stan with what was happening with Kyle. Kenny knew there had to be something behind it. The two of his friends had been abnormally close since the day they were born, nothing would ever go unsaid between them. So how come Kyle was suddenly into Bebe without even telling his best friend about it?

Kenny was sure that everything would be revealed soon enough and he had a feeling of it being quite interesting. Like the climax of a soap opera series, everything would just explode at some point and he would be there to calm some nerves. But until then, he would have to carry around his notepad.

And so, moments later, he was off into the cold air, toward the coffeehouse. It was Sunday morning, the only morning where Tweek didn't work at the counter. Some other kid always took that shift, but no one ever bothered asking him who he was. However, just because he had the morning off, did not mean he would be absent at the shop. According to Kenny, Sunday mornings were Craig's favourites, since he got to spend some one on one time with Tweek and a cup of coffee (which he would pour into Tweek's own coffee when he wasn't looking). Well, today, Kenny was ready to rain on the raven's parade.

The door dinged when he pushed it open and walked in. There were less people than usual; must have been a slow day, Kenny thought to himself. He took in the welcoming atmosphere of the place and suddenly felt like a cup of caffeine himself. He wondered if he had enough money...oh, wait, what money? He chuckled at his crappy joke and looked around for his prey, who he ended up finding seated at a table for two in the corner of the shop. They sat facing each other, with a single thermos on the table, being squeezed between the hands of the blonde. As Kenny approached, he overheard the topic of which they were conversing.

"Agh! Craig, dude, I'm so sure! I have all the symptoms!"

Craig sighed. "Tweek, you don't have mono." He said patiently.

'God, bless this guy's patience' Kenny thought.

"No dude, listen! I feel weak and I'm ALWAYS -ngh tired!" Tweek argued, taking a sip of the shaking thermos in his grasp.

"Yes, that's because you ARE weak and you NEVER sleep. Therefore, you are weak and tired and do NOT suffer from mono." Craig explained to him, a little more brusquely.

"No! I-" He threw his hands in the airs and was about to freak out again, when Craig grabbed his wrists and pulled them back down to his beverage. Tweek didn't resist and held on to his cup once again, with Craig's on top if his, keeping them from fidgeting.

"Tweekers, calm down, you-" Craig's soft voice came to a halt and a deep frown appeared on his forehead. The twitchy blonde must have noticed too, since he began biting his lip in worry.

"Wait a second, Tweekers, who the FUCK did you kiss without telling me?" he growled at him.

Well, that was his cue.

"Tweeky! Were you about to spill our little secret to Craigy here? I told you he'd be mad!" Kenny made his appearance and pulled up a chair.

"McCormick." Craig stated, no too happily. "What the fuck you want? And don't call him that, his name is Tweek." He brought his monotone voice back; a huge difference compared to how he was speaking with his blonde friend earlier.

"Oh, I'm sorry, how about hmm... Tweekers?" Kenny teased, smirking at the raven who obviously wanted to punch him.

"No. I call him Tweekers. You call him Tweek." He grabbed Kenny by the collar and pulled him closer. "Got it?" He finished.

"Yeah, yeah. Would you chill. You sound like he's your-"

"Wait!" Tweek yelped. Both the other boys turned their full attention onto him. "D-Do you get mono from kissing?" He asked naively, tugging at his shirt and avoiding eye contact with them, especially the other blonde.

"Yes Tweekers." The noirette spoke softly.

"Oh...um...ok, I don't think I have it then." He blushed.

The side of Craig's mouth twitched into what could have been the very small beginnings of a smile. "I know, Tweekers." He breathed out.

Kenny took note:

**-Soft voice, only when speaking to Tweek.**

**-Someone calling Tweek by a pet name ticks him off and yet he does it (Tweekers).**

**-He keeps him calm using physical contact, but lingers, elongating the moment. (No one else has this ability over Tweek).**

"McCormick, what are you writing down in that thing?" Craig asked.

"Nothing, Just an answer I just remembered." He shut the notebook closed. "So, how was your biology lesson Tweek?" He asked, leaning over the table a little bit,.

"Agh! It was too much pressure. It was all about STD's man! –ngh."

Kenny threw his head back and laughed. From now on, Craig was superman to him. I mean, he had to sit down with TWEEK, and TEACH him all about DISEASES that could KILL you. Who the fuck else could do that! Nobody, that's who. That guy had to be in the Guinness Book of Records, that was for sure.

"Dude, Craig..." Kenny chuckled. "How'd you do it man, didn't he freak out at every word?"

"Dude!" He shrieked. "**I** don't even know how he did it!" The blonde bounced in his seat, his giant green eyes glued on Craig; just like Kenny, waiting for an answer.

"I'm used to you Tweekers." He explained in a tone caught between flat and soothing. "Plus, you weren't that bad this time...you know, except when you thought you had mono." Craig smirked, surely directed to Tweek and no one else.

To this, Tweek stuck out his arm and fidgeted.

"Agh! Craig! My afternoon shift is about to start!" he squealed.

Craig sighed and pulled his backpack onto his lap, from which he pulled out a mass of brown cloth. It turned out to be a barista uniform, once Tweek had unfolded it. Craig must have noticed Kenny's confused look, so he cleared his throat to get his attention.

"He fears the gnomes will mistake it for underwear and take it. So we keep it in my bag." He explained once Kenny had turned to him. Then, he went back to his own blonde. "Okay Tweekers, I'm going to take a shower. I'll be back later when your shift's over."

Craig swung his bag over his shoulder and ruffled Tweek's jagged hair.

"Ngh, bye Craig." He muttered, his wide, shiny eyes looking up to him like a puppy and for a second Kenny believed that Craig was resisting the urge to bite Tweek, because he sure was.

"I'll come with you." Kenny stated and got up as well.

Craig didn't seem too thrilled about this since he made a grunting noise coming from the back of his throat. They both walked to the raven's house, Kenny skipping behind the stoic teen and he practically jogged to his house. They were silent and making no effort to start a conversation, giving Kenny some time to plan his moves.

First, Craig would be in the shower, giving him the opportunity of sneaking around his room, in hopes of coming in contact with secret confessions, diary pages... Yeah, right.

Kenny thought maybe he was exaggerating but decided that there was bound to be something he could get his hands on, something a little Tweek related. Around the lines of back up coffee beans, or extra underpants, or even a comb; that's what Kenny was expecting.

When they arrived in front of the house, Kenny noticed, as he always did, that the house was as simple and boring as its owner. It wasn't welcoming in any way, nor was it creepy looking for kids to be avoiding on Halloween.

"You seriously coming in?" He asked all of a sudden.

Kenny grinned and nodded, following the noirette inside and up to his room. His parents must have noticed them because they were sitting RIGHT THERE in the living room, but neither of them said anything at all. It's not like Craig acknowledged their existences either, but it was still odd.

"I'm gonna take a shower." He said, grabbed the white towel hanging behind his bedroom door and left.

Kenny, his hands stuffed in his pockets to prevent him from stealing anything, strolled around the room. It was boring, that was a given. The walls were a greyish blue, just like Craig's eyes, there was a Red Racer poster one of them (naturally) and some CDs on the shelves. So far, there was nothing Tweek related, but Kenny knew that the other teen would never leave something of the sort out to the public eye. The time had come for him to start snooping around. He pulled his hands out from their seal, and with his criminal skills, got to work.

The first thing to go for is always the sock drawer. When teenage boys want to hide something like condoms, they hide it inside a sock or way underneath the pile, depending on how many socks they have.

Luckily, Craig dint have too many pairs. He picked up each ball of fabric and squeezed it in his palm. If any rustling was heard, he'd check inside, if not, it was clean. After a while, once every sock was cleared and the bottom of the drawer was checked, Kenny went for under the bed.

He dropped to the ground on his stomach and pressed his head to carpet, only to come across the fact that Craig's bed did not have an 'under'. It was one of those models where a piece of wood had been put on the sides, therefore leaving you with less storage room.

So after a few more searches here and there, Kenny came to three possible conclusions:

Craig was really good and hiding things.

He had lost his criminal skills over the years of being a good boy.

The boy actually didn't have any Tweek items (unlikely).

Slightly disappointed but not having given up yet, Kenny laid down on Craig's bed. Unlike his, it was comfortable and smelled clean. The blonde rolled over onto his stomach and settled his head on the pillow, wrapping his arms around it as well. If his hands hadn't hit something hard, Kenny would have fallen asleep like that.

His first guess was the Bible, but Craig was the last person he would think of who would own one, let alone keep it under his pillow. Kenny pulled it out and it turned out to actually be a dark blue, leather bound book with golden letters. It was the size of your average Harry Potter book and the writing inside wasn't too small either, but the book itself didn't seem very old even though the pages were thin and yellowish. On the cover it said:

"Medical Studies: Phobias and Paranoia"

Kenny was on the verge of dropping it and laughing to death. He squished his mouth with him hands to keep it from making any noise and tears went down his cheeks. This was probably the funniest thing in the world. What was funnier was that there was an actual bookmark in there, and Craig had gotten pretty far for a boring guy reading a medical book.

For further examination, he began to flip through the pages. Turns out, it was more of a medical dictionary than it was just a book. It held a long list of phobias, alphabetically placed in the first section and then, separated by a black line only visible when the book was closed, was the section about terms linked with paranoia. That book in his hand, was the PERFECT Tweek object!

He began to wonder was Craig was doing with it exactly? Was he actually reading it or was it just for reference whenever Tweek believed something was wrong with him.

Kenny checked the page with the bookmark in it, read a few of the terms and found nothing special about them or anything that could be referred to Tweek. Meaning that there was a slight chance that the raven is actually reading the medical dictionary.

He went over the pages faster this time and noticed something he hadn't before. There were an honest amount of highlighted words, some in yellow, some in pink and some in blue and several folded pages. Kenny went to the very first folded page, which fell in the letter A section. There was a single highlighted word and its definition.

**Autophobia- fear of loneliness. **

Kenny could see how this could be referring to the twitchy blonde, but it was still a bit vague. Many people were afraid of being alone, of course Tweek's case was a level higher, but even he would be a bit scared of the idea of having nobody around. What caught Kenny's eye was what was written next to the definition. At first glance, it was simply a series of numbers, but then when you looked closely, you could see the very small 'see pages' written right above them. All the numbers were written in pencil except the last one, which seemed to be bolder and gone over a couple of times. The blonde decided to save that one for last.

The first few pages were as the first one, nothing special, but you could see a pattern emerge.

**Isolophobia- fear of solitude**

**Nyctophobia- fear of the dark**

**Panthophobia- fear of diseases**

**Zeusophobia- fear of God**

Those first few had little question marks around them, probably meaning that Craig wasn't sure on whether or not Tweek had them. It was logical since Tweek was absolutely scared of everything, so it was normal to question if they are phobias or just plain fears.

Kenny dismissed the phobias he had read so far, telling himself that Craig was over-worrying and was reading too much into everything Tweek freaked out about. However, the following pages told him otherwise. As he searched for any highlighted words, he found some who were highlighted in two different colors and some in three.

**Scoptophobia- fear of being stared at, being watched.**

This was definitely a true one, Kenny thought. Tweek did always tend to believe that people were watching him, stalking him or were out to get him. Craig had hit the target there, he had to admit. Question was, who exactly did Tweek think was sending people to watch him, hm?

**Politicophobia- fear of politicians, the government. **

Yes, according to their special little caffeine addict, the government was out to get him (for some reason) and kept tabs on him as well. Kenny has watched as some of Tweek's good friends desperately tried to explain to him that there was no plausible reason as of why politicians would be after him. Of course, the kid would answer something like "Agh! Are you serious! The governments gonna KILL me man!". There would be no surprise there.

Kenny had a single page left, the one written in bold. With precaution, making sure the sound of running water had not cessed, he opened the page. It fell in the dead center of the letter G section and the special word was not only highlighted 60 thousand times, but it was circled and boxed with pencil, pen and any other writing instrument.

**Gnomophobia- Fear of garden gnomes. **

No. Fucking. Way.

He had to say that Craig had hit the jackpot. Who would of thought that there was a special phobia for gnomes! Kenny was ready to bet some money that they had especially made it for Tweek.

'I mean, who the fuck else is afraid of gnomes?' He thought to himself.

The question wasn't why the term Gnomophobia was created, but why had Craig gone to all that trouble of finding these and folding down pages? What was the point? Tweek's parents had done this a few years back, he remembered. It was so that the doctors could prescribe something for him, but the second he came to school with his meds, Craig threw a huge fit. It was the craziest thing in the world. Never again had anyone seen Craig raise his voice that much. The noirette had grabbed the container from his friend's hands and pitched it out the window, explaining to him that he didn't need it. His exact words were: "As long as I'm around, you don't need this shit, understand?". It was an adorable sight to see and never again did Tweek bring any medication to school.

"After seeing Craig like that, I wouldn't either." Kenny thought.

The squeaking of a faucet was heard, and the sound of running water stopped. He heard some stirring in the bathroom, so he put everything back into place and sat on the bed, far away from the pillow. The bedroom door opened and in came Craig Tucker; wet jet black hair, bare chest and a towel wrapped around his waist. Damn, if Kenny was a girl, she'd be as wet as he was.

"Tweek you lucky bitch." Kenny whispered to himself, voice low enough for Craig not to hear.

"Stop staring pervert." He said in his nasally voice.

Kenny chuckled. "Craig dude, with a body like that, I'd be banging every girl out there!" He said.

"It's not like you're not, McCormick." He said. It was a good come back, but his voice made it sound much lamer.

"True, so why don't YOU jump in the game as well? Come on Craigy, join me! It'll be fun~ I promise." Kenny teased and winked at the taller boy, who remained indifferent.

Craig opened his drawers and began pulling out some clothes and throwing them onto the bed. Some landed next to Kenny and some on him. The blonde pulled off a T-shirt that had fallen on the top of his head. As the fabric ran over his face, he came across a light scent of coffee. The aroma was the same as it was in the coffee shop that morning and Tweek himself smelled of coffee as well. This said a lot about Craig and his life, but it was nothing that could be said out loud. The noirette would totally kill him if he did.

"Whatever." He said. "So what do you want and why are you here?"

Kenny would have liked to answer "No reason", but with Craig he knew he couldn't. The two weren't very close and Kenny had to be convincing in his answer, and yet he didn't feel like making up a reason. So he went a little old school.

"Just bored." He said and shrugged. He didn't try to hard to compose himself since he had his back to him to let the noirette change (as much as he would have loved to watch).

"Right...So, what's up?" He asked him and sat himself behind him on the bed.

Kenny turned around and faced him. Seeing Craig up close wasn't something that happened very often, but Kenny was always at least a bit dazzled every time it did. Craig had dull blue eyes with a rock hard gaze. Once you were looking into them, you didn't want to look away. Of course, you always could, but those eyes just said too much; they were distracting.

"Nothing much." Kenny finally managed to say. "I don't know where anyone is, my parents aren't home either..." he paused as an idea unfolded in his mind. "...And I guess I'm kind of afraid of being alone." He added.

"You? You're afraid of being alone, of all people." Craig said, slipping on a sock.

"Yeah dude, it's like this major fear of mine." Kenny went on, smiling on the inside. "Like, if everyone just went away all of a sudden, that would we terrifying."

If Craig wasn't careful and remained oblivious of what Kenny was up to, his response would determine why he had such a book in possession and why he seemed to be so interested with it.

"That's either Autophobia or Isolophobia." Craig stated. "The fears of loneliness and being abandoned and stuff."

So it seemed Mr. Tucker had them memorized. But why? Well, the answer was obvious; he had done it for Tweek, but what were his motives?

Tweek had many phobias, of which he was aware of. He had once told Kenny that he didn't want to see him die because he was a necrophobic, which was the fear of death or dead people. There were no benefits in knowing Tweek's phobias, there was absolutely no gain.

"I think Tweek has your same problem." Craig added, a bit late but still useful.

"Really?"

"Yeah, like I always have to make sure he has someone around. If not, I'm the one keeping him company." The noirette explained, so very casually, any other person would have been convinced there was nothing behind it.

Kenny put his mind to work, connecting the dots and placing together the pieces of the puzzle. It had all returned to his original guess, which was Craig being gay for Tweek. The reasons why he had believed that in the first place was because of how protective Craig was of his friend and how his world revolved around him. Unlike everyone else, Kenny had found that a bit unnatural and instantly added the pairing to his notes. So, maybe Craig did not have any motives or evil plots of getting into the blondes pants. Maybe, he was just being his protective self, which was above everything else, plainly cute.

Kenny tested something else.

"Yeah, well," he chuckled, "wouldn't Tweek also be scared of having too much people around. Like...no more room...what was that phobia called?"

"I don't know." Craig said coldly. "Tweek doesn't have that one."

The answer was claustrophobia, and Craig didn't know it, meaning he had only learned the elements necessary for Tweek's well being. So he wasn't the complete maniac Kenny had thought, which was good since he was beginning the believe that he had memorized the whole damn dictionary. This was nothing new.

Craig Tucker had always (and maybe always will) care about nothing, absolutely nothing, other than Tweek. Craig Tucker had always been average in his schoolwork, sports, arts and everything else. The only thing different about Craig Tucker was that he had mastered something no one else could and THAT was Tweek Tweak. Nobody, in this whole damn town, will tell you otherwise, because it is a FACT that even the caffeine addict's parents have come to admit.

"Knowing the phobias name makes Tweek feel at ease." He spoke up all of a sudden. "Since there is a name for it, other people have had that problem before so he feels less freaked out about it."

Well, SOMEONE was open, Kenny thought. Craig had just done half the work for him, no need for tests or questions. Of course, that didn't mean it was the truth, but he wasn't one to lie, so Kenny decided to trust it. It all made sense and the explanation to it made Craig seem less like a creep.

But in the end, just the fact that Craig had gone to the trouble of buying the book, folding the pages, highlighting the terms and of course actually keeping it under his pillow was enough to show his soft side, no matter how many explanations he had to deny it.

Kenny left Craig's house around three o'clock and hung out with Butters who had forgotten about Bradley and moved on to someone else.

"I guess he just wasn't my type." He claimed.

"Buttercup, you didn't even go on a date with him. You guys don't talk! I don't understand how you could have fallen for him in the first place, let alone decide that he's not your type."

Butters rolled his eyes and took a sip from his drink. "Kenny darling, I can tell, okay?"

It was Kenny's turn to roll his eyes. This was his typical Butters, gave great advice to others but was shallow when it came to himself, not to mention denying it when brought up.

"You think Gary's gay? He has such nice hair..." The lighter blonde before him went on.

"Who the fuck's Gary?"

"You know...that Mormon kid with the blonde silky hair to the side?" Butters was mindlessly stirring his drink, probably fantasising about this 'Gary' guy.

"Butters be reasonable." Kenny sighed. Butters was the type of stereotypical gay guy who wouldn't understand unless you spoke his language. "Honey, if this man of yours is a Mormon won't that stop him from playing on your team. Isn't it against his religion?" Kenny spoke with wild hand motions, his eyes set on his friend with concern.

"I guess..."

If the kid was a Mormon, his parents had probably picked out his future wife already, who lived on a farm in some prairie with her 11 other siblings, but he couldn't tell Butters that. Was that what a Mormon even was? Kenny wasn't sure, but those extra-Christians was all that came to mind.

"Ken, if you were gay, who would go out with?" He asked, not for the first time.

"Buttercup, I'd go for you, that's for sure."

"Other than me." He whined. "I obviously suck at picking out a man for myself so I need help and I can't go out with myself."

"You and Pip seem to spend a lot of time together, why don't you try him?" He suggested.

The two blondes were known for spending some time together as friends. They went shopping together, and to chick flicks, at least that's what rumours said. Pip and Butters were both gay but always remained friends, it's just that Kenny couldn't think of anyone else at the time.

"Oh Ken, you know me and Pippers are just friends. Plus, he's into someone already."

Well that was new. Butters had never mentioned Pip's crush before, not that Kenny cared. He was only into guys who were still in the closet, not the one's who were out. If that was the case, it would all be very boring, just like any other straight couple. Watching them struggle with their identity, breaking down, torturing themselves and then giving into reality was what Kenny enjoyed, not plain and simple crushes and broken hearts. That shit was on TV all the time anyway.

"Who is he?" Kenny asked carelessly.

There was silence and Butters looked away. The poor teen's uninterested look faded and a curious frown began to form instead. Butters always told him about the gossip, he never thought twice about it either. Anything he asked, he would get the answer instantly, but the look on his face at the second pricked Kenny's curiosity.

"Buttercup? Why won't you tell me?" he asked gently.

"'Cause it's a secret." He said, not meeting the other blonde's gaze.

"That never stopped you before..." He didn't want to push him, but this was becoming interesting.

Butters bit down on his lips and drummed his fingers nervously on the table. His eyes shifted from left to right, he nibbled on his other thumb a bit and then mumbled a small 'okay'.

"I'll tell you but it's a secret so don't tell anyone, especially not Pip."

Kenny nodded impatiently.

"Um, you know... Satan, right?" He said, grinding his teeth against his nails.

"Yeah, we're good friends." He's the only person on earth who can say that without sarcasm.

"And you know...his son, right?"

"Yeah, Damian, we talk sometimes."

After that Butters stopped talking and began to fidget all the more.

"What's wrong? Keep going." Kenny encouraged.

The smaller teen raised both his eyebrows and lowered his eyes, nodding slowly.

"What...wait, Damien?" he said a bit too loud.

Butters smacked his hand and frowned. "Yes." He whispered.

"Oh My God." Kenny mouthed, completely shocked.

"Yes, yes I know." He muttered.

"Why Damian?"

"Pippers has a dark side to him, I guess. When he told me, he looked more hungry than in love. It was sort of scary, his pupils got all dilated and stuff." Butters was looking away again and bumping his fist together as well.

Pip? Dark side? Hell no! It just didn't fit him right! Kenny tried imagining him clad in leather, with a whip, but that just made him want to vomit. How could he we into Damien? Wasn't a Pip a total catholic? Isn't Damien everything he should be against?

Kenny got up and left moments later, wishing Butters a good day and deciding to end his by going home and taking a nap. He still couldn't wrap his head around it and maybe some rest would help, though he doubted it. Kenny would have helped Pip if it were any other guy, but the Anti-Christ being gay was highly unlikely.

This wasn't something he should be keeping tabs on either, since the pairing didn't have the requirements to be included in his notes, but maybe he could make an exception.

'I mean, it is an interesting pair...' He thought.

And he was right. The Anti-Christ plus a catholic Brit... He would create the file during first period, that was for sure.


	4. Chapter 4

Playin' the Love Game

Chapter 4

By the Unlucky-Charm

Just like 98% percent of the world's population, Kenny did not like Monday mornings, mainly because he had to get up and get ready, which his muscles were clearly not prepared to do. But, just like 98% of the world, every Monday, he pushed his muscles and defied his body by dragging himself out of bed and out into the cold air.

"Kenny the bus is here!" His mother yelled from the living room where she had fallen asleep the previous evening.

"No it's not mom!" He replied. "I have to WALK to the bus stop, remember?"

His mother grunted and went back to sleep, her face dug into the pillow. She must have been dreaming of a happier life, where she actually was the caring mother she acted like. It wasn't that she didn't care, but that she didn't know how to exactly.

Kenny finished getting ready, avoided eating the slop that was thrown on the kitchen counter, kissed his sleeping mother and went off to school.

At the bus stop, he met Stan, but Stan only. The absence of the Jew could be seen from miles away. The two have grown so close that by now Kyle could be considered as one of Stan's body parts. Stan without Kyle is like Stan without his right arm.

"Where's Jew boy?" Was his greeting.

Stan slightly blushed, maybe because it was only the two of them and the fact that Kenny knew everything made him nervous.

"He had a doctor's appointment." He explained with a slight pout on his lips.

"Aw, Stanley, are you jealous of the doctor? Did YOU want to ask Kyle to take his shirt off, hm? Did you want him to ask him to open up so you could stick a piece of wood in his mouth Stan?" He cooed at him, receiving a dirty look from the raven.

"It's morning. I'm tired. But remind me to hit you later today." He said, giving Kenny a gentle shove.

"So he's not here today?" A day without Kyle?" Kenny pressed the back of his hand against his forehead and spoke in a woman's Southern accent. "Oh, how ever shall you survive?"

"Shut up dude! He's coming back after lunch so he's here for gym and math."

"Why the hell would he come back only for four periods?"

"Ask his mom."

Only Sheila Broflovski would send his son back to school for four periods, two of them being gym.

"Bastard's gonna miss English." Kenny muttered.

"And science." Stan added.

The bus came and drove them to school. Stan sat alone and Kenny in his usual spot, next to Butters.

"Hey Buttercup."

"Where's Kyle?" He asked, not even bothering to look at him when he spoke.

"I'm great Butters, how are you?"

"Is he sick or something?"

Kenny rolled his eyes and smiled. "He's at the doctor's for a check up."

"Right." He popped a cheerio into his mouth. "Oh, by the way," He continued, "Pip is super thankful that you're willing to help him."

"What?" Kenny snapped, almost choking on his own bit of cereal. "You told him?"

"Well...yeah, was I not supposed to?" Butters asked naively.

The taller blonde remained unresponsive for the rest of the ride. Pip having been given this knowledge would be a huge setback for him. Not only was he a horrible matchmaker, which he failed to mention to Butters, but now this revelation would become an obstacle, making this already impossible challenge all the more difficult.

He could only hope that Pip wouldn't ask him too many questions or have any great expectations (pun intended) of him. If he had remained indifferent of Kenny's plans, then if Kenny messed up, there would be no guilt weighing down on him, and no crushing disappointment for Pip. He wasn't sure what kind of guy the Brit was, so if anything went wrong, he could either nod and walk away or blame Kenny. This wouldn't really harm anything in his social life, but the blonde didn't have a single enemy, nor did he plan on making any.

The bus came to a halt and the few people on it made their descent. As Kenny walked toward the front entrance, Stan appeared next to him with his oversized headphones around his neck, a Shinedown song blasting out of them.

"Awwww." Kenny teased.

"What?"

"Shinedown." He cooed again. "Ky's favourite eh?"

"Really?" Stan lied.

Kenny smacked the side of his head, making the noirette stumble a few steps to the side.

"As if you didn't know."

Stan chuckled and blushed a little.

The bell rang and they were off to class. As Kenny grabbed his notebook and entered the class, he got the slightest glimpse of Pip, smiling at him, eyes shining.

"Damn it Butters." He whispered to himself and sat in his seat.

Garrison's voice resonated through the room, boring the whole class and if he were to speak into the microphone; the whole town.

Kenny thought of passing the time by writing in his notepad but there was nothing he knew of Damien and Pip so he went as far as writing their full names, underlining it and then adding "Operation Magnet" under. The two were opposites and opposites attracted right? Like magnets...? It was sort of a cliché, but it was all he could come up with at the moment in his brain-dead morning state. On top of it all, Kyle wasn't there, meaning no hints of homosexuality to look out for. He even tried watching out for any moves or glances Damien made, if any of them were directed toward the fair Brit, but every time he made an attempt, Kenny was met with a pair of blood red eyes staring straight at him, burning through his retinas. Let's just say Damien wasn't the type of guy you could just stare at. After all, he was the Anti-Christ and the least he could do was be able to tell if he was being watched.

Kenny, slightly creeped out, shuddered and decided that maybe Pip would be a better subject to watch over. Rotating his chair and self towards the other side of the classroom where he was, he noticed that Pip's gaze was settled on, no not Garrison, but on the Anti-Christ sitting two seats away from him.

The orange clad teen turned back to Damien, who wasn't exactly staring straight back at Pip, but kept his gaze lingering around that area.

Kenny found himself snapping his head left and right; switching from blonde to raven, baby blue to bright red.

"Oh God..." Kenny muttered to himself. He had only just realised that, other than the fact that Pip was a faithful catholic and Damien was the son of Satan, the two were also physical contraries.

Would it burn if they touched?

Well, at the moment, they were staring straight at each other and Pip seemed fine...daydreaming like CRAZY, but otherwise fine.

The bell rang, but Pip didn't budge. Damien, with a grunt and frown, left with clenched teeth and fists and his gaze settled on the ground.

"Dude, that was SO boring!" Stan said once they had been released from the clutches of boredom.

"I know dude, but when is it not?"

Stan nodded in agreement as they went to their lockers to grab the book they needed for the next class. They opened their lockers which were only separated by two other ones belonging to Kyle and Cartman, when a soft 'um' was heard from behind them.

As if they had rehearsed it, they swung around in unison to face the beautiful blonde girl standing in front of them, clutching her books to her chest timidly.

"Yes?" Stan said rather rudely, making Kenny smirk.

"Well, I was wondering where my Kyle was." She almost whispered, staring down at her feet.

Kenny, by now, had only looked at Bebe once and instead had kept his eyes locked on Stan, waiting for a reaction.

Stan blinked at her over three times, processing everything she had just said and opening his mouth a few times as well, probably getting ready to actually SAY something.

"Doctor..." He muttered, as low as she had. And with a quick nod, she left.

When she was fully out of earshot, Kenny grabbed his friend's shoulders and shook him wildly.

"Pussy!" He yelled at him. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Dude! She IS his girlfriend... I mean-"

"Stan." Kenny cut in. "I know you're fucking mad as hell, so stop bullshitting me and let it all out."

The noirette's whole body noticeably tensed up and he began to shake gently; judging by the wavering books in his hands. He face became red, way too dark to be considered a blush and his breathing gained speed slowly. He was going to explode, that's what it seemed like, but Kenny knew Stan had a bit more self control.

Under his breath, the raven boy muttered something that made him turn away his head from his friend.

"What was that?" Kenny asked.

Once again, he said something inaudible.

"Stan, speak louder."

The boy's face slowly faced Kenny once again, a deep frown and deadly eyes having been added to it. His mouth was slightly open and from the small opening, the blonde could see Stan's teeth being scraped against each other.

"He's MY Kyle." He literally growled, his teeth clenched along with his jaw.

Kenny threw his head back and laughed in a high pitch. Stan pouted at him and resumed staring at the floor.

"Can we go please?"

Kenny wiped off a tear that had escaped from the corner of his eye when he was laughing his ass off. A few chuckles still came out when he spoke, ticking off Stan all the more.

"Heh, you are SO cute, you know that? Heh, heh, like, you're all manly in front of everyone and have this macho act but in the end, heh, you're just a child who lost his favourite toy." Kenny laughed again.

Stan frowned gently. "Ky is not a toy."

"See? Right there! I totally insulted your manhood and all you can do is defend Kyle." Shaking his head, he bent over and picked up the books he had dropped. "Oh and for the record, it was a metaphor, I didn't mean to call Kyle a toy."

Stan avoided Kenny's eyes again and took a deep breath. "It's just that..." He took another breath. "He's sort of already BEEN mine for such a long time, you know?" He whispered.

The blonde stared at his friend with a concerned expression.

'The real Stan is nothing like how he is in front of other people' He thought. 'I think I like this one better.'

Kenny walked over to him and stood close, putting his arm on the small of his back. And, with a gentle push, walked him to class in silence. In front of the science lab's door, he turned to him, this time looking at him straight in the eyes and spoke in a broken voice.

"Thanks Ken...you really don't have to do this."

The blonde frowned, irritated and flicked the side of the raven's head with his finger.

"Douche bag." He said, with a smile. "I know I don't." He took a step into the noisy classroom and knowing that Stan was watching him from behind added, "It's 'cause I want to."

Science class sucked for so many reasons, it was ridiculous. What was the damn point of going to the LAB and taking notes; they could be doing that in a classroom!

Kenny, bored as hell, settled his face in his palm and looked around the classroom. Everyone seemed to be in the same position as he was, except for Clyde who had literally fallen asleep. Wendy even, wasn't taking any notes and instead was passing some to Bebe. Of course, there was no way of knowing what it said, only hope was that maybe they'd throw them out without ripping them too much and he could go steal them after class. It wouldn't be too hard for him since he was the only person in the school who could go snooping around in a trash can without being asked any questions.

He checked the time and was a bit relieved to see that there was little time left. Lunch time came next, and after that was gym, meaning Kyle would be back, increasing the chances of something interesting happening during the second half of the day.

Luckily, the teacher let them out a few minutes before the bell. The whole classroom got up at the same time, expect for Kenny who remained seated just for a while longer, for the sake of observation. Of course, his actions had a purpose and it was soon fulfilled. Right there, in front of his eyes, Wendy Testaburger committed one of the biggest errors of her female life. Crumpling the papers in her palm and throwing them out in the garbage carelessly was a very bad move from her part, especially if one of those notes were top secret.

'If the counsel heard of this irresponsibility, it would totally not sparkle with them.' Kenny thought.

Once everyone had left the room, other than the teacher, Kenny stood and casually made his way out the door, making sure to duck his arm into the garbage bin before he left. He grabbed a fair amount of the pieces of paper he came across and on his way to the cafeteria, he sorted them. Most of them were old homework papers or exams, but eventually Kenny hit the jackpot and found what he was looking for.

The blonde smoothed open the paper and automatically recognized Wendy's and Bebe's handwritings, one under the other, obviously having a conversation.

"**It's like, I'm his girlfriend, but he really doesn't seem to care all that much."**

"**What do you mean?"**

"**Well, we haven't been on a date, kissed or anything like that yet. He hadn't even told me about his doctor's appointment today!"**

"**Well, Bebe, I mean maybe the guy hasn't had a girlfriend before. He's not used to it. It's your job to guide him through the right path. Show him the ropes."**

"**I guess you're right, as usual Wendy. I just wished he'd pay more attention to me or make SOME move. Anything! Any sign of compassion will do." **

"**Honey it'll be okay..."**

The conversation ended there, but the excitement in Kenny's stomach did not. Instead, it even got stronger. He had to tell Stan. It wasn't much, but it proved a lot; the guy had the right to know.

Kenny sprinted to the cafeteria and found his table of friends, only to see that the topic of conversation was already being argued about, leaving him with less work.

"Why Kyle? What does Kyle have that I don't?"

"Let it GO Clyde." Token rolled his eyes at him.

"I don't know." Craig cut in, addressing himself to Clyde. "Brains, looks, actual respect for women and himself."

"Ouch." Token said.

"Dude, Craig, you sounded like such a chick when you said that. Are you like gay for Jew boy or something?" Cartman snickered.

"I'm not gay for Kyle." The raven replied, in his bored nasally voice, the comment having had no effect on him just like everything else that he was told.

'Maybe not for Kyle...' Kenny said in his mind.

"Guys is this really important? Let's just get over it and-"

"Hey guys, what's up?" Kenny interrupted Stan's pathetic attempt on changing the subject. "Can I borrow Stan just for a sec?" He asked, grabbed Stan by the elbow, giving him a slight tug.

"Jeez Kinny, now YOU sound like a chick. Maybe you and Tucker could go shopping together sometime."

"Yes maybe we should." He answered with a grin and took Stan to the nearest empty table.

The second they sat down and Kenny handed Stan the note, two new figures appeared at the end of the table, staring at them.

"What?" Stan asked.

"Thees eez our place." The Frenchman said.

"You can sit down dude, we won't listen to any crap your planning." Kenny said. "As long as you don't listen to us."

"Just sit down Christophe, it's not like they'll understand."

"How would YOU know?"

"Christophe." Gregory repeated impatiently, receiving a sigh and an obedient Christophe in return.

The other two got right to work, laying out all of their plans and equipment on the table, leaving Kenny and Stan a small space at the end on the bench. The two foreign teens began pointing all over the maps and whispering to each other. It was intimidating actually, since here they were, possibly planning a bank theft while Stan and him had in their possession notes that girls passed around in class...it was sort of pathetic actually.

"Kenny what is this?" Stan said. Kenny turned to him and realised that Stan had just read the note and was still skimming over it with a worried expression.

"It's a note Wendy and Bebe passed around."

"How'd you get this?"

"In the trash."

Stan smirked and raised an eyebrow at him. "Only you dude. Only you."

Kenny chuckled in return and snatched the note back from his friend. "So, what do you think?"

"Sorry Ken, I really don't know how to interpret this." He shrugged.

"Ugh, you really suck dude. This says a LOT."

"Does it? You really should teach me how to analyse shit like this..."

The second he said that, the note was torn out of Kenny's grasp. Their gazes turned to a dark individual who stood right next to Kenny, smelling strongly of cigarettes.

"Christophe, what on earth are you doing?" Gregory said, without even looking up from his work.

"They whisper too loud." He said, his eyes still locked on Kenny.

"Um, dude, could I please have that note back?"

"Non." He said and opened the note. As he did, Gregory appeared at his side. They both read it, without even bothering to ask if they could and nodded to each other.

"You see it?" The French teen asked.

"Why yes, I do."

Christophe sat down next to Kenny, and Gregory went over to Stan, their mercenary work left aside. They both held the note from a side, exposing it to all four of them.

"You see here?" Gregory pointed. "Wendy's explanation is clearly wrong here, since Kyle has, in fact, had a girlfriend in the 8th grade. On what I remember, he wasn't too awkward about it either since they made out after school in the playground every few days."

"How do you know about that?" Stan squeaked nervously. Kenny couldn't blame him; he was sort of freaked out too. Kyle's affair with Heidi was a secret only few people were aware of.

The two other boys smirked at each other, ignoring the question, and proceeding with they decomposition of the note.

"Oui, and there is clearly something wrong with your friend Kyle. If he eez not paying attention to thee girl, then something eez definitely up." He folded back the note and handed it too Kenny. "So you can either ask him, or Gregory and I can look deeper into this."

"N-no...that won't we necessary." Kenny stuttered, glancing at Stan who looked completely stunned. "Thank you."

"So, can you leave now?" Gregory asked.

The two nodded and left.

'They're sneaky bastards...' Kenny thought to himself as he made his way back to the table, where the Kyle and Bebe conversation had ended a long while ago.

After the half hour break, gym class would begin. Kenny had spent the whole break outside in the cool air, smoking a cigarette or two. He did that sometimes, though he was not addicted to the stuff, he still enjoyed a few every now and then. The bell had ran, signalling the end of recess, but that was a while ago. Kenny had not budged.

Just like ever week, he was exactly 15 minutes late for gym. Knowing that the first 5 were wasted on attendance and the next 10 were for running laps; he'd be lying if he said his tardiness wasn't purposeful.

In the locker rooms, he was usually alone, but as he hung his clothes, he heard some stirring coming from the other side of his row of lockers. He decided to scare the poor guy, so he crouched down and discretely creeped around to at least get a glimpse of who it was.

A sweet-assed Jew stood there, fresh from the doctor's, his back to him, in front of the locker he shared with his super best friend. Kyle hung his coat on one of the hooks and shook his head at the mass of clothes piled at the bottom of the locker. He heard him sigh loudly and start picking up the articles one by one, folding half, hanging some and stuffing he rest neatly into Stan's bag.

Bent down on his hands and knees, Kenny slapped his hand over his mouth to muffle the loud laughter that threatened to escape his lips. It had become pretty damn clear to him who the 'girl' would be in the relationship. On top of it all, he was doing it with such ease and speed. That type of expertise in laundry could ruin a guy's reputation in a snap.

Kyle swung his body around, leaning on the locker right next to his. He held Stan's grey sweater in front of him and ran his hands over the materiel, smoothing out the wrinkles. The Jew had strong slender fingers, Kenny had noticed. He had to remember to mention that to Stan.

Kenny was about to reveal himself and scare Kyle to death, when all of a sudden, the Jew brought the sweater up to his nose, glancing left and right and took a deep whiff. The blonde watched as Kyle's eyes shut slowly and shoulders raised. A hint of a small smile appeared on his lips and Kenny couldn't stop his jaw from dropping.

It was a shame he didn't have the pair in his notebook anymore, but he knew he had to get Stan in on this. At least the noirette could be his notebook...at least when it cam to his red headed Jew.

"Wholly shit!" Kyle yelled and dropped the sweater on the gross locker room floor. "Kenny what the fuck?"

"Watcha doin'?" He asked, his hands behind his back.

"Nothing." He said quickly, picking up Stan's hoodie. "Fixing Stan's stuff. Kid's so messy."

"True, true." He got closer to the red head and began circling him slowly. "So Ky, tell me, how's it going with Bebe?"

"Um, fine I guess." Kyle said, cracking his knuckles and fingers one by one.

"I hear its been lacking some action." He teased.

"Yeah well...I think I'm gonna take it slow." He babbled, still playing around with his hands.

"You know Ky, that doesn't meant you can't touch her." He joked and gave him a pat on the back.

Kyle chuckled uncomfortably, clearly not at ease under the pressure of Kenny's touch or truthful words. The redhead gulped a couple of times, but Kenny did not cease the torment. By now, he could have just nodded and walked away, but the blonde knew there was still at least a BIT of information that needed to be juiced out of him.

"Well, I'm not really THAT into her. I just wanna see where this is gonna go." He spoke of the half-hearted reality.

'Its not gonna go ANYWHERE!' Kenny desperately yelled in his mind. 'You're gay for Stan! Bebe has boobs; you don't like boobs!' He kept going aloud, hoping that maybe by increasing the volume in his head, actual sound would be heard.

"All right then." Kenny said in a forced calm matter. "Let's go." He put his arm around his waist and guided him to the gym, where everyone else was probably sweating, seeing as 15 minutes had passed a long time ago.

"Look who I found!" Kenny said in a sing song voice when emerging into the spacious room. A few people looked at him and the blushing Kyle, but then just went back to what they were doing. Besides, it wasn't really them Kenny was addressing.

'**You know those eager little puppies that run to the door whenever you get home and greet you with such enthusiasm, as if you had been gone for the longest time?**' Kenny wrote in his notebook once gym was over and math had begun.

'**His face lit up the second he saw him there, standing awkwardly in his shorts and waving, his cheeks burning red. He dropped the shoelaces he was tying and ran to Kyle, arms scattered, but ended up just giving him a slight punch on the shoulder. Stupid Stan...he should have hugged him...that way Kyle could smell him better.' **At that last thought Kenny snickered to himself and went on. '**I told Stan about what I saw Kyle do and his reaction was a bit confusing. He seemed a little bashful, blushing madly and asking me if I was lying. Why the hell would I lie? Despite that, I think I made the guy's day, he was fucking joyous after I gave him details.**' Kenny finished up and then frowned.

'Damn this thing is becoming like some kind of journal.' He thought. 'Ugh, I'm not even supposed to be writing about these guys...Oh well.'

It was just a few quick lines, Kenny didn't see any harm in that. He shut the book and looked around the classroom, his eyes settling on the fine babe sitting at the teacher's desk.

The math substitute was a young woman, probably still in university studying something that had nothing to do with education. She might even have been the daughter of one of other teachers. However, she was no different than the other replacements they would have; she wrote the work down on the board, told them to get into groups and probably told herself that they were actually completing it, even though a simple glance toward the groups would have proven that theory wrong. They spent the free time like they always did, by talking, sleeping or asking Kyle for some help with work they were behind in.

The sound of chairs scraping against the floor would create a loud racket in the classroom, as most of them were directed towards one specific desk. It was as if Kyle was the capital of a country. The people who were lucky enough to live closest to the town, were the first to get what they wanted. The citizens living a bit further in the suburbs had to wait through some rush hour traffic. But Kenny and Stan, knowing that Kyle's help was always provided for them, decided to remain in the calm of the prairies, a few hours away from Jewville, capital of Kyleland. Kenny chuckled at his own joke.

'And the metropolis would be Gingerdale.' He thought.

Stan and him sat quietly together, shoulders touching. He had his music on in his ears and was watching Stan sketch something down on a piece of old math homework. He started with some 2D letters, spelling out his name and then adding graffiti-like deigns. The raven was good at that type of thing. He covered the S in scales, Kenny supposed it was to remind one of a snake. The T had simple horizontal stripes, the A was coloured completely in black and the N looked like it had some sharp fangs.

Kenny pulled off one of his earphones and was met with a cacophony of stupid questions.

"Kyle! Kyle, will you do this?" Clyde whined, pointing at his homework.

"Kyle, can you do this real quick?"

"Hey Jew boy, listen, do this fast for me ok?"

They were all asking for a lot. What did they expect? That the redhead would actually sit down and do all that work, which wasn't even his?

"Kyle can you do this one for me?" Another yelled.

Kenny glanced at Kyle's reddened face and the papers flying all over the place. He checked out the huge crowd of students in front of him as well. By now, Stan had finished most of his drawing and was adding some shadowing and detail. Kenny glanced back at Kyle, then back at Stan's paper.

'Oh God, sooooo perfect!' He thought and as the thought crossed his mind, he snatched the paper from under Stan's scraping pencil.

"Kyle!" he yelled on top of all the sound. Everyone shut up and turned their head to him, including Stan and Kyle.

He held out the sketch of Stan's name, showing it specifically to Kyle, but also to the sea of teens in front of him.

"Kyle, would you do this, please?"

His signature Cheshire cat smile spread over his face. The skin right under Kyle's wide eyes reddened all the more, in a rather cute manner. It took some time for the gag to settle in, but eventually the roaring laughter of everyone around the Jew cut through that momentarily silence. Stan and Kyle, on the other hand, remained flushed and stunned.

With an embarrassed smile, Stan punched Kenny softly on the arm. "Fuck you Kenny." He laughed and took his paper back.

"So Kylie, would you?" The blonde asked, grinning full-teeth.

The Jew frowned and smirked, a certain glint in his green eyes, but the redness not having yet fully faded from his cheeks.

"I'll get back to you on that." He rolled his eyes and went back to his 'students'.

The period ended fast and painfully, since Stan wouldn't stop kicking Kenny from under the table, although it was all just playful.

The second they stepped out of class, Kenny was greeted with a series of strong punches.

"Asshole! What the hell was that for?" He said in his high pitched nervous voice. Not waiting for an answer, he grabbed his orange hood and pulled it over his head.

"I was doing you a favour douche bag!" The blonde tried to utter, but his mouth was covered by his hood, reminding him of his childhood.

"What?"

"I was doing you a favour!" He repeated.

The noirette finally let go, allowing him to breathe and talk.

"How?" Stan asked naively.

"He blushed, didn't he? And he got all nervous." Kenny explained, though it wasn't fully the truth. A part of him DID just really want to annoy the hell out of them.

Stan raised an eyebrow and parted his lips, obviously not grasping the idea.

"Yeah, so did I." Stan sighed.

The blonde sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Okay, true...and how do you feel about Kyle?" He sounded like he was speaking to a child.

"Dude! You know how I feel about Ky!" He squeaked.

Oh God.

"Stan." He tried again. "People blush when they are embarrassed about something. If I had done the same to Cartman, he would not have reacted the same way. You are gay for Kyle. You blushed. So did Kyle. Therefore, Kyle might feel something as well."

It felt like everything had to be lain out in front of him for him to even START understanding.

That night, when he got home, he went straight to bed. His eyes were slowly closing and he was having trouble keeping them open. In his dead tired state, he managed to take a few more notes before falling asleep.

'**Tabs on Bebe and Kyle'**

'**Test Tweek again'**

'**Talk to Damien'**

'**Oh God, help me'**


	5. Chapter 5

Playin' the Love Game

Chapter 5

By the Unlucky-Charm

The halls were filled with the usual small amount of people, consisting of the student body of South Park high. It was like a play rehearsal every morning; the lazy nerds would be copying homework from the smart nerds, the jocks hung out in the field, the girls altogether and the couples all cozy, seated in the corners. That's where Kenny found Bebe; sitting on the ground in a corner, next to her 'boyfriend' who didn't seem all that comfortable compared to her. The blonde had her head leaned against Kyle's shoulder, but all the redhead seemed to want to do was pull away.

Kenny nudged his raven haired friend who was also staring at the scene in sorrow.

"What?" He asked, not looking away.

"Go tell him you want to talk to him." Kenny ordered. "Now. Quick."

Stan, confused, snapped his head back and forth, no knowing what exactly he was supposed to be doing.

"Dude, just go, ask him to follow you and talk to him about something random,"

Stan nodded and was off, still looking a little lost for words. He got to his friend, in front of whom he was unnaturally nervous, seeing as they were best friends. But before he knew it, Kyle stood up and followed Stan all the way to the boy's bathroom. That was his cue.

"Hey Bebe." Kenny said, seating himself in the same spot Kyle was before.

"Hey."

"Honey, we need to talk..."

"About what?" She sounded worried and judging by the look on the face, she had an idea of what was coming up.

"Do you really love Kyle?" He asked.

She didn't answer and just gaped at him. Kenny could see all the transactions and organizations of thoughts being accomplished through her eyes.

"K-Kenny..." She muttered.

"What is it sweetheart?"

"Kyle sort of...begged me to go out with him. He warned me that he wouldn't really be...boyfriend-like, but asked me to just go with it and not give up on him."

This time, it was Kenny's turn to gape. Now, there was REALLY something behind all of this. There is no way Kyle would beg a girl to go out with him just for the hell of having a girlfriend.

"I know he's hiding something, that's why I've been going along with all of this." She went on. "But, even though, Kyle is still a friend and I can't help but worry over him. He's clearly not being himself. I mean to tell Stan, but I just wasn't sure. I'm happy you asked now, I was trying to find a to tell you at least."

What could have possibly pushed Kyle into making such a mess? This was all so unlike him, even Bebe, who wasn't very close to any of them, was able to tell. Kyle Broflovski was up to something, and Kenny had the perfect plan to find out what.

"Is Wendy in on all of this?" He randomly asked, even though he knew she was.

"Um yeah, I have told her everything I just told you."

"Perfect." He purred. "You girls meet me behind the school after last period, okay? I have an idea."

Kenny flipped open his phone and told Stan that he could come out and that they had some work to do. He also added a P.S., asking what the two were talking about for so long in the bathroom and asking if it was some juicy stuff.

Moments later, Stan came out (hehe) and joined Kenny once more and Kyle returned to his girlfriend and soon to be good friend, if all went well.

"Dude, would it be chill with you if we hung out at your house this weekend? I hear it's gonna rain, so we can rent a few movies and shit." Kenny said, as casually as he could, even though it wasn't necessary when he was speaking to the most gullible person on this planet.

"Yeah sure, who's coming?"

"You know...me, you, Kyle...Bebe and Wendy... the usual."

"Oh okay so-wait! How the hell is THAT the usual?"

"Well, Bebe is Ky's girlfriend and she thinks that we should spend some time together so she can get to know us better. As for Wendy, well, she doesn't want to be alone, so she's gonna tag along." Kenny tilted his head and batted his eyelashes. "Please Stanley? Pretty please, with Kyle on top?"

Stan threw his head back and laced his fingers in his hair. "Kenny, I swear to God if we play spin the bottle I will destroy you."

"Won't even think about it, I promise."

So, part one of the plan was done. Now, it was time for part two and three and then finally putting the whole thing into action. The only problem was that he wasn't sure if everything would work out. He wondered if Bebe and Wendy would still help him, even if he couldn't tell them about Stan's sexuality. If it was up to him, he would just walk up to Kyle with a loud speaker and shout it in his face: STAN IS GAY FOR YOU! Now, that wasn't an option. So the next best thing would be for the redhead to realise on his own, but Kenny knew that wasn't gonna happen on its own, unless he gave the whole situation a little push and hopefully everything would fall into place after that, like some kind of domino effect.

For the rest of the day, he wouldn't have to worry about Kyle, Stan or any of the girls, since he had to concentrate on the other pairings. Damien would be first and then hopefully there would be some good Tweek and Craig stuff going on and about. He had some questions for Damien which he had meticulously chosen which were not to subtle and not too obvious either. After his first two periods, he walked up to the son of Satan with a casual nudge.

"Hey Damien."

"What is it?" He hissed. The red eyed boy was bent over and rummaging in his locker. Lord knows what he was looking for but being the son of the devil, couldn't he just summon the object in mind? The more Kenny pondered about Damien's powers, the more disappointed he felt. The Anti-Christ had a small percentage of the capabilities Kenny would have imagined him having. Of course, he would never say this to his face, in fear that the other teen would use the power everyone KNEW he had. Fireballs are never pleasant when they're in real life.

"Skip with me?" He asked.

The rustling coming from his locker instantly stopped for a moment and then continued briefly until Damien fished out a pack of cigarettes, handing them to Kenny.

"Let's go."

Outside was a little chilly, but nothing a South Parker couldn't handle. They walked a few yards until they made it to the large courtyard behind the school. They sat next to each other on the bleachers and in a matter of time, were happily smoking and warmed up.

"So, how's life?" Damien asked.

"Boring. Haven't died in a while, plus I kind of miss your dad." He joked, but actually meant it too at the same time.

"Yeah I guess I miss that big old fag too. Hey, we should commit double suicide." The Anti-Christ chuckled.

"Hah, yeah. That's always fun." Kenny blew out some smoke. "So D, I have a somewhat personal question to ask you, but promise you won't get mad."

"Okay..."

"Um, I was like watching this documentary yesterday..." Lies. "And it was about genes, like the shit you get from your parents..."

"Yes, I understand,"

"Right, so I thought about it," More lies. "and thought that, hey, Damien's dad is gay, so could that mean that you might be gay?

At that, Damien's lips parted slightly, dropping the lit cigarette into the snow. His eyes shifted left and right and upwards toward his brain, as if he was considering something. Whatever it was, it didn't make him too happy since his left eye began to twitch and his rock hard nails scraped against the wood of the bench they were sitting on.

"What is it dude?" Kenny tried, but Damien's fit just kept on going.

He began to tremble, not from the cold or from fear (he was the devil's son, I doubt he felt either of those things) but he seemed very angry with himself and maybe even the world. Like those 13 year old boys who always have tempter tantrums because they're so sexually frustrated. Trust me, when you're a 13 year old kid, all you think about is sex and it is NOT always the same for girls. But, that is beside the point.

"Damien! What's up with you?" He insisted.

"Bitch!" He yelled into the cool air. "That fucking FAGGOT! He gives me EVERY detail but of course just happens to FORGET this one!" Okay, so now he was pretty pissed.

"Talking about your dad right?" Kenny asked.

"Yes." He hissed. "But don't get excited. Your theory is completely retarded. I just...stumbled upon something."

He was still shaking and turning his head away from Kenny. He was flushed and looked like he had suffered complete humiliation.

"What are you saying?"

"Kenny, I'm gay." He said, sounding as if he had given up. It's not like he had fought all that much in the first place though.

"Damien, you can't just realise this. And I was joking. You're not gay just because your dad-"

"No. I DID just realise it and it's not my dad...it's something else man."

This realisation of his must have lost its importance in the last minute or so because suddenly, Damien had gone back bluntly staring into the courtyard and taking long drags from his cigarette.

"Well what DID make you realise?" Kenny asked.

"My name. When you brought up homosexuality, it just dawned on me."

"You name? Your name, 'Damien' just dawned on you?" He was becoming irritated.

"I'm the ANTI-Christ right?"

"Yes..."

"Well, what people don't really get is that I'm literally the ANTI-Christ, I'm the EXACT opposite of Jesus! Physically, emotionally and mentally, we have to be different for there to be balance or something. That's why I was sent here; because my dad is a whiny bastard who got jealous of God and wanted a kid for himself too."

Kenny threw his head back and laughed so loud, that Damien stared at him like he was some freak.

"Are you serious? So Jesus is straight so that makes you gay? How does that even make any sense?"

That was a terrible move from Kenny's part, but he couldn't just help being a little boggled. He had just found out about Damien's gayness (along with Damien himself), so the last thing he should do is change the kid's mind by accident. This was a huge leap forwards and it was something to report to Butters or Pip, whichever way, they would end up telling each other anyway.

"So what's with the sudden calmness about it?"

Damien blew out some smoke and shrugged. "Eh, at first, being a fag wasn't really my cup of tea, but then I though 'Hey, I'm the fucking devil! I can do what I want!'. So, yeah, I'm gay and proud, but don't expect seeing me at those parades."

Kenny laughed aloud for what was the second time. It wasn't his 'cup of tea'? Get it? Pip is British and drinks tea...yeah it's lame but who cares, this was still huge news.

"You gonna come out to your dad?"

"No need, he already knows for sure. He's the one who made me this way after all."

"So you got your eyes on someone?" Kenny was trying to sound as natural as possible, but he had never imagined himself to ever have to ask a question like that to the son of Satan, especially when referring to a guy and not a girl.

"Fucking Kenny, what's wrong with you? I'm not a machine, despite what you might think. I have to 'fall' for someone, just like every other pathetic human on the planet. Someone Christian preferably."

Right then, a little light lit up in Kenny head. All of this was too perfect and too weird. Could Damien really read minds? Because that was the only explanation that was making any sense to him.

"Why Christian?" He asked, trying to keep it casual since at this point he wanted to yell 'Pip! Pip is Christian!'.

"My dad's preference. It's a way of his to piss off God. I don't care, I just go with it man."

Damien was like those 90's rebels who were all against the government and stuff. He had the sideburns, the cigarettes, the jeans and the way he spoke, as if nothing interested him. Only difference was, the government was Satan, so in the end, he was just another rebellious teenager. Damien had nothing against God and weirdly enough, that's what made him so badass. He just didn't care.

A couple of cigs later, they stepped back inside, a good five minutes after the bell had rang. The halls were crowded with student moving to their next class. Kenny did the same. Last time he had ditched a full day, people thought he had died and then he was in serious trouble. So he sucked it up and went to class, but then regretted it the second the lunch bell rang.

"Dude, I think I died of boredom and then came back in the matter of an hour." He told Stan.

"I know dude, I know."

The two began walking to the cafeteria and were soon joined by Kyle and Cartman, just like old times. On the way to lunch, they spoke of random things, things that didn't matter at all. One turn before the cafeteria doors appeared, a loud shriek resonated through the air and Kenny instantly made a grab for his notebook, because he could recognize yelling like that anytime.

"AGH! Craig, you have to understand! Ngh-don't! Give it back!"

They all turned their heads to the source of all the noise where a rather short Tweek was trying to get something from Craig who was holding the objet up above his head.

"No way Tweek." He said.

"Craig, dude!" Give the kid a break and give him back his coffee!" Stan yelled, as Tweek bounced around Craig's torso, arms in the air.

For a second, Craig turned his attention to them and frowned.

"It's not coff- Ouf!"

In that short moment, when Craig had let his guard down, Tweek socked him straight in the stomach, caught the object before it hit the ground and ran off.

"Holy shit!" Kyle yelled.

Kenny was in panic, not knowing what the hell to do, but feeling like it was his responsibility. The words that left his mouth held authority, but none of his friends, or he himself, knew why that was.

"Okay, all of you go eat. I got Craig." He motioned them toward the cafeteria, like those policemen right after a crime that had gotten some locals curious. 'Nothing to see here folks!', they would have said.

Kenny jogged towards Craig, who held his stomach with one arms and kept his body supported with the other one pressed up against a nearby locker. As he approached him, he saw his shoulders shake and whimpers come out from him. He was coughing and catching his breath. Did Tweek really hit him that hard?

"Craig are you cry-"

No, he wasn't. He was laughing. Nothing like anybody had ever seen before, but still laughing. It was a weird sound. Like watching a movie where the bad guy turns good. It takes the viewer some time to adapt and Craig's laughter was no different. It was all just so odd, so out of place. It's just that the guy never laughed. He had gotten pit shit drunk once and still only spared the world a smile.

"He hit me." He smiled, shaking his head. "With good reason, but still hit me."

He must have gotten through the pain because he stood straight and stared down the way Tweek had ran. He chuckled and ran his fingers under his hat and through his hair.

"He's something." He said, a few laughs still coming from him, like the last few air particles from a deflated balloon.

"Um yeah...What had you stolen from him?"

"I don't know, some new meds he had to take." He shrugged and almost tripped over his own feet. "I think his parents lied to him and told him he'd die if he didn't take them. Those things were for hallucinations based on what I read on the back." He pressed his back against the locker and leaned into it. "Tweek doesn't get any of those, he's just really paranoid, just like his parents, who feel the need to stuff all these crazy pills into their son." His weird good mood faded and now he just seemed worried.

"You love him." Kenny tested, just because it felt like the good time. Craig wasn't being himself, might as well take advantage of it. It was now the 3rd time in 30 seconds that the kid scratched his arm like a mad man and bit down on his finger. It was like slowly watching him turn into Tweek.

"Um what? I don't know man." He snapped his head left and right, pointing down the way Tweek had escaped. "Tweek?"

Okay, this was just plain crazy.

"Did you take anything Craig?"

What happened next just happened way too fast for him to have reacted, but even if he had seen it coming, he was sure if he would have done much.

"You can't tell Tweek." He whispered, grabbing on to his shoulders, which he had pushed up against the locker. Craig's shiny eyes were scanning Kenny's face, as if searching for something. "I just wanted to see what would happen. I watch Tweek take these and like, I DO take care of the kid more than anyone else, so I thought I should be aware of what he's taking. It didn't even feel good! Now I'm all fucked up. It's like the worst idea ever." He breathed. "It's wearing off though, it'll be gone in 20 minutes, the bottle said so."

"Okay dude, let's sit, come on. It's not like we were gonna eat."

"Right." He agreed. "Shouldn't we find Tweek? He'll be scared on his own dude, he needs me!"

"Craig, I don't think you're much help at the moment."

"Right." He agreed again, probably the most agreeing he's done in his life. "For the record, I was just curious."

"Okay man. But you didn't answer my question yet. You love Tweek right?"

"Right. He, once again, agreed. "Wait, like, as a friend though."

"You sure about that? Have you ever had other thoughts about it?" This was fun.

"Well I'd kiss him for sure...sometimes I'm forced to get close with him... what was that thing called? Like, cuddling?"

"What!" This had gotten further than Kenny had thought. Cuddling? How could that possible be done in a friendly manner between two people! One of those people being Craig fucking Tucker.

"Yeah, when he sleeps over, if he wakes up at night all freaked out, it's the only way to make him calm down, or else he'll have a breakdown. It's heartbreaking when he cries on me. It's like, I would put aside everything just to make him laugh, 'cause dude, it's just so damn sad to see."

Kenny stared at him, mouth wide open and eyes blinking like crazy. 'It's the drugs, it's the drugs, it's the drugs.' He kept repeating to himself.

"B-but why do you want to kiss him then?" He asked, his voice shaky.

"I don't know. The closeness just make you want to. Tweek would kill me though. He trusts me too much, it would be like betraying him or something."

"True. You took his meds and he punched you, but the kissing thing, you should probably try that out, maybe it'll calm him down. Like those people who are calmed by heavy metal music."

Kenny knew that he wasn't making much sense and all he was really aiming for was for Craig to kiss Tweek. Kenny also knew that Craig wasn't really himself and that if it the raven remembered Kenny telling him all of this when the drug wore off, he would be screwed.

"Huh. I guess so dude." Craig nodded. "I'll think about that."

The two boys spoke some more and the blonde took advantage of Craig's state to write in his note book, without him noticing.

Damien loves Christians (fetish?)

Pip= mega Christian (chance?)

Tell Pip to act more Christian (possible?)

Craig+ drugs= weirdly helpful.

Keep eye on couple for signs of kissing.

Get ready for this weekend.

Don't mess up plan.

After lunch and break, everyone went back to class. Kenny didn't mind being a little late for his, because it meant getting a glimpse of Tweek facing Craig.

"C-Craig?" He mumbled. "I'm sorry I hit you."

"It's fine." They both looked nervous. Like 12 year olds on a date.

Tweek looked sorry which he probably was. Kenny wouldn't be surprised if the tiny caffeine addict had guilt tripped himself during the whole break away from Craig. However, it was the raven that seemed more nervous. Every time he glanced at Tweek, he blushed and rubbed the back of his head. Was he remembering some things? Hopefully nothing I said, Kenny thought.

After school, Kenny went around the building, into the empty playground, just like he had promised. He hadn't liked the way he had given his friends the slip to go meet up with a girl one of them was dating and another who one of them had dated. It made him feel sneaky and as if he had something to hide. He didn't want to hide it, but it wasn't his secret to reveal, although that IS what he had come to do.

It wasn't the first time he was meeting someone on school grounds after hours, but everyone knew what he was up to back then. This time, as he finally turned the corner to the play area, he knew there was no drug dealer waiting for him.

As expected, the two girls were there early. Bebe looked worried, an expression she seemed to wear more often theses days. As for Wendy, she was tapping her foot against the asphalt impatiently, as if Kenny was the one who was late, even though she was the one who was way too early.

"So, what is it that you want?" She snapped at him.

Kenny would have wanted to bitch back at her by saying that she didn't even have to be here. As a matter of fact, she was a but a background extra in the great movie that was to be my plan. So, as disrespectfully as possible, he ignored Wendy and addressed Bebe, the one who mattered.

"Look, I'm not gonna waste your time here, but I am gonna warn you: what I'm about to say is to stay between us until I say otherwise and it might shock you enough to cause death so it's all up to you."

He made Bebe giggle and Wendy roll her eyes playfully. Even witches like her couldn't resist his charm.

"Okay then. Long story short, Stan is gay."

Gasp filled mouths fell open, their fingers brought up to their lips like some kind of reflex.

"For Kyle." He added.

At that, the two girls abruptly turned to each other, their fingers pointing.

"Oh!" They both exclaimed in unison.

"Yes, yes, that's why Kyle sucks at being a boyfriend, well that's my hunch. I could be mistaken."

"What's the plan?" Bebe insisted.

"Originally, I wanted to hook them up, but now I realised that it would be too nosy. All we need to do is give them a push. We need to get Stan's sexuality and crush out in the open, at least for Kyle to see."

"Right, so you texted me that we're gonna hang at Stan's but then what?"

"Well, we have to act natural, you know? I cant do it because it'll seem suspicious, so one of you is gonna have to insist on playing truth or dare." Kenny pointed out. "My plan isn't complicated. It only requires two things: Kyle choosing dare and then accepting it."

The girls nodded. Their tiny fists were closed tight and their rock hard glares were filled with determination. This was gonna work, they just knew it.

And so, Kenny told the girls of his full plan, each of their roles in it and what she be anticipated of the outcome.

But don't you worry, when the time comes, you'll be hearing of all that very soon. The story is far from being over.

Saturday rolled around pretty quickly, compared to other weeks where each day seemed like an eternity. This week, however, went by pretty fast. First thing in the morning, the doorbell rang. Kenny didn't even know the damn thing still worked and cursed the one working thing in the house as he got up to see who the hell decided to ring it at... 10 in the morning! He passed by his parents room, where his father was grunting and complaining, possibly about the 'fucking ringing noise'.

"Yes?" He said, opening the door, only to reveal Bebe and Wendy behind it, standing with a loaded bag.

"What the hell. Do you know what time it is?" He snapped at them through clenched teeth. He rubbed his eyes and then shifted them towards the bags. "What's in there?"

The two girl smiled, practically hopping where they stood. "Equipment." Said Wendy.

"Equipment for what?"

"Well we know the plan and all but we brought some extra stuff." Bebe spoke this time.

"What'd you bring?" He asked, because slowly, as his brain awoke as well as his body, he began to worry of the things that were inside the bags.

"You'll see when were at Stan's, now go get ready!" They both pushed him inside, dropping their bags into a corner.

After being shoved into the bathroom, Kenny brushed his teeth, combed his hair with his fingers and then...well there was really not much he could do.

"Hey guys," He said, poking his head out of the bathroom door. "I don't know what to do. I'm done."

They both stood there looking at him as if he was some kind of crazy person.

"Well what are we supposed to do until tonight!" She whined.

Kenny emerged from the small room, rolling his eyes and sighing. "That's what I would like to know. You coming here, waking me up like this, what's wrong with you?"

"We're excited!" They both chanted together.

"For what?" He asked, throwing himself onto the dirty couch. "We have no idea what's going to happen. We don't know what Kyle's reaction is going to be, let alone Stan's! We're not even sure is he's gonna understand the whole deal at all!"

"How can he not! It's so damn obvious already! I'm sure he'll realise for sure!"

Kenny again, sighed. These people were crazy, each and every one of them. They were supposed to be at Stan's around 6 or later, but here they were, in front of him, at 10:30 now. But, just like the whole week had, the hours went by fast and before he knew it, they were off towards Stan's.

When they got there, Kyle had already arrived, sitting awkwardly on the couch with Stan. It had been a while they had hung out with girls, everything had gone back to square one. The weird greetings, the avoiding gazes, you know, like when they were 8.

The second everyone had finished all their hellos and such, Stanley, who was not aware of the plan, made the suggestion to watch a movie.

"You guys wanna watch a movie or something?" He asked. "It's up to you, but I can't think of anything else we could do here...unless you wanna go out somewhere."

Not being used to having the girls over, Stan was being polite, addressing them alone, and using his mother's 'special guest' protocol, where he had to act like a good host. Kenny remembered being there when Sharon explained that one concept to her son one evening.

"You can be as comfortable as you like around Kyle, Kenny and Eric," she had said, "but it's not the same with other guests!"

Bebe plopped herself down close to Kyle and folded her arms over her enormous chest.

"Wendy and me don't mind, we're fine with anything." She said, leaning only slightly on the redhead next to her.

Kenny smirked, watching Bebe follow rule number 5 of their awesome plan: she is still 'dating' Kyle, so she can't forget to act like his girlfriend.

"I'm cool with a movie." Kyle said. "Kenny?"

"Movie's fine, but I DO want to know, ladies, what you have in that bag." He said, grinning like the Cheshire cat. "It might not be any of my business, but a plastic Wal-Mart bag doesn't really match your outfit Wendy."

Wendy smiled a fake ass innocent smile and stared up sheepishly at Kenny.

"Well," She said, prolonging the 'L' sound and grabbing the bag. "Usually, when we hang with girlfriends at sleepovers, we play games. We don't expect you guys to play, don't worry about that, but we bought supplies just in case." She giggled and winked.

"It's not much." Bebe added.

"What kind of games are we talking here?" Kyle said, smiling at Bebe, probably for the first time since their 'dating' had began. But Kenny wasn't worries; there were no feelings to start with, there was nothing there now.

"Simple stuff." Wendy began.

"Truth or Dare." Bebe said.

"Would you rather."

"Spin the Bottle."

"Strip Poker." Wendy finished, but then added quickly that the supplies for THAT game were left at home for personal reasons.

Kenny restrained himself from squealing at the idea, but he knew they had to stick to the plan. He couldn't let it be ruined just for the possibility of getting naked with a couples of babes.

"I'm down for some truth or dare." He said. "Kissing, licking, secrets...Stan and a twig; should be interesting."

Stan shuddered at the painful memory and then shot Kenny a dirty look. "Thanks man, really."

"You're welcome." He grinned, as the rest of the room snickered into their palms.

"But seriously," Kyle said. "are we really gonna play a game we used to play when we were in the 4th grade? Even back then it was considered lame."

Kenny had foreseen this. He knew Kyle would probably object and speak his mind. He does it for everything else, it was no surprise to anyone. Luckily, Bebe immediately sensed it too and stepped in.

"Come on Kyle, please?" She said, intertwining her fingers together, making her arms squish her boobs together. It was a great sight to see, in Kenny's opinion, but if his hypothesis ended up being correct, it shouldn't have had an effect on Kyle nor Stan.

"Okay fine, but nothing stupid."

Everyone nodded, except for Stan, who was sitting down quietly, biting at his fingernails. Was he on to them? Surely he must have questioned a few things by now. It's not everyday that girls come over to his house and want to play truth or dare. Kenny just hoped his thinking process would be slow enough for the dare to be completed before he realised that something was actually going on.

"I'll go get some food." Wendy said and headed toward the kitchen.

"You need help?" Stan called after her.

She poked her head out from behind the swinging kitchen door and shook her head. "I know my way around." She said and disappeared again.

Without anyone else noticing, Bebe nodded to Kenny. The plan was in action, but they had to keep it natural. Wendy was already taking the risk of randomly dragging the trash bin into the living room. If they asked questions she had to come up with a good enough excuse. Stan's is unnaturally gullible, but his friend makes up for it.

"Who starts?" Bebe asked.

"The person who can guess your bra size." Kenny said and winked.

"Yeah, okay, good luck with-"

"34 D." Kyle cut it and smiled at her.

"Hey! How the fuck-"

"Remember last week when Kenny unhooked it and you asked me to put it back?"

"Damn it."

Ah yes, that day was a good one. Kenny had made 20 bucks from Cartman and Clyde. They had bet that he cant unhook 25 bras in a row...well, he proved THEM wrong!

A while later, Wendy came in with the garbage bin and a bowl of chips and the two were set in the center of the room.

"What's that for?" Stan asked.

Come on Wends, make me proud, Kenny rooted her on in his mind.

"When you wipe your fingers, you can throw the napkin into the trash Stan, where else were you going to put it?"

Perfect.

Everything was perfect. The trash can was in place. Everyone was present, ready to play Truth or Dare and Kyle was starting. All they needed to do now, was wait for their turn.

And all Kyle needed to do was choose dare.


	6. Chapter 6

Playin' the Love Game

Chapter 6

By the Unlucky-Charm

Making it obvious. That was the one thing they needed to avoid. So far, they were doing pretty well. They kept the coded glances between each other to a minimum and nothing sounded rehearsed. Besides, the only rehearsed part of the plan was the peak of it and they weren't there yet, though the time was slowly approaching. Bebe had began to fidget a little. Sitting Indian style, her left leg was bouncing up and down from under the right one. As for Wendy, she was growing impatient, no, wait, not really impatient per say, more like she was too excited and just couldn't wait any longer. She had let herself slip a few time yelling things like 'Okay, now I get to dare Kyle!' out of nowhere. A look from Kenny made her shut up, but it was still a huge mistake. Stan had already glanced at Kenny over 3 times, squinting his eyes and gently shaking his head from left to right, a sign Kenny believed meant 'what are you up to, you sly bastard'.

"Okay Kenny it's your turn to spin the bottle!" Wendy cried, slapping her hands against her thighs, telling him to hurry up.

"All right."

The blonde held the bottle tight and gave it a gentle spin. The bottle barely spun twice before it stopped, much to Wendy's unhappiness, it's neck pointing unmistakeably towards Bebe.

"Bebe!" Kenny said, delighted, because if this wasn't all an act it would totally be the way he would react. "Lean back a little would you babe?" He asked, but for some reason, addressed Wendy.

"Kenny..." Kyle said slowly in a warning tone.

"Chill Ky, you'll enjoy this too." No you won't! Ha-ha!, Kenny thought.

Everyone watched as Wendy set her palms down flat behind her, arching her back and throwing her head backwards.

"What now?" The noirette asked, a little confused.

She got her answer when Kenny grabbed a handful on chips and crushed them unto her bare and exposed neck and chest.

"Agh! What the hell!" She squeaked, squirming as the crumbs slid down into her shirt.

"Seriously Ken, what's the point of this?" Stan asked, and by his tone, Kenny could easily tell he wasn't only talking about the dare but about the whole evening.

"You'll see." He grinned. "Hey Bebe, get over here."

Bebe obeyed and stood, on her knees, right next to her best friend.

"Lick it off."

"What?" Both girls yelled in unison.

"Lick. It off. C'mon, it's not like you guys haven't done shit like this already."

"Not in front of people!" Wendy whined.

"Wendy!"

"Oops."

All other three boys roared in laughter, because as much as they had imagined it, none of them had actually thought that girls did that. It was a fun feeling really, like if Santa was real.

"Wendy! How could you! Our student body president!" Stan said in fake, joking devastation.

The raven girl blushed to her ears, trying not to move too much to avoid the crumbs falling

"Shut up Sta-aaaagh! Bebe!" She shouted as her blonde bombshell of a best friend (and apparently sex buddy) ran her tongue down her neck and onto her chest, swiping every bit of barbecue chips in one single lick, without even leaving a crumb behind. It was a sight to see my friend; an impressive sight at that.

"Whoo!" Kenny howled, throwing his fist into the air.

Once the job done, Wendy sat up and shot a dirty look to everyone in the circle, her chest heaving making her boobs rise up in her bra and back into place.

"None of you." She breathed. "None of you say a word about this." Her warning tone cut through the air. "To Cartman."

Everyone laughed again, even Wendy joined in halfway, and for a second, they didn't NEED it to be an act. It was reality. All three who were in on the plan took this moment as an advantage and sent each other small nods. With a determined smile, Wendy grabbed the bottle and spun it with force.

The shiny glass flashed under the living room light and spun around in a light green, blurry circle. As it slowed down, Kenny knew what the girls were praying for, since he was doing the same. The bottle finally came to a halt pointing straight back at the person who had spun it. Frustrated, Wendy turned to Kenny's eyes for an answer but it wasn't he who saved her.

"That means she gets to choose the person." Bebe stated as if she was an expert.

"You made that up." Stan protested.

"Whatever dude, just let them." Kyle said, but boy would he be regretting taking their side.

"Kyle, Stan get up." She ordered, and yes, not said loudly or in a certain tone, the chick literally ORDERED them to get up, as she did so herself.

Even though she had addressed only Kyle and Stan, everyone was now standing in the middle of the Marsh's living room.

"Face each other." She demanded. The two boys, slowly and awkwardly, turned to each other. The two blondes of the group used that time to gently back up behind the trash bin, creating a circle around it. Luckily, neither Stan or Kyle noticed this, so the plan was ready. It was going to happen any second now...

"Kiss, but don't." Wendy said, placing her hands on her hips, her posture matching her authoritative tone.

"What the hell does THAT mean?" Kyle asked.

"Just like...do an 'almost kiss'." Bebe said, but her explanation didn't seem to have helped all that much.

"Just lean in until your lips are like... 2 inches apart of something.." Wendy said impatiently.

"Oh, I get it!" Kenny suddenly spoke as if he had JUST understood what they meant. "Make the kissing MOTION, but don't go all the way." He explained.

"Um...okay, but why?" Kyle asked. Being the smart one, he probably realised something, but Kenny doubted he'd speak up. He could understand how the redhead would question the point of the dare. Any other witness would have, except for Kenny, Bebe and Wendy, who were picturing it already.

Now, some people might think that the point of this plan was to push Stan to impulsively kiss Kyle. Or maybe the two wouldn't be able to bare the closeness and end up closing the distance themselves. Well that wasn't the idea. At all. Those plans would have been good, but they were way to risky, leaving too many important elements on Stan's or Kyle's shoulders, whom could not be trusted in situations like these. No, their plan was full proof. At this point, only God would be able to stop it from happening.

Even before they leaned in, the two were already blushing like crazy, which almost caused Bebe to swoon at the cuteness, which in itself caused Wendy to smack her hand over her friend's mouth to keep her from doing so.

After that, the whole show was like a group dance number. The two best friends tensed up, from head to toe, at the same time, leaned in at the same time and shut their eyes at the same time (this is where the impulsive kiss plan would have probably worked, but let's see about that). Then Kyle's breathing began to go on unevenly, his chest rising and lowering itself abnormally fast and then slow. But see, nobody could say the same about Stan. Sure the kid was panicking on the inside and probably had a full fledged boner in his pants, but on the outside, Stan was pretty...green, actually.

The black haired boy reached out and grabbed Kyle's shirt tightly and pressed his finger lightly on his full lips. Kyle was speechless, obviously, for more reasons than one. Stan motioned with his index, telling Kyle to wait a second. Keeping his lips tightly shut, he made his way to the trash bin and then, you might have guessed it by now, vomited straight into the bag.

Kenny had never seen girls get so giddy over the fact that a boy had just thrown up. Neither had he seen Kyle look so confused, which he barely ever was. The whole 'stupid' look didn't suit him at all, but at the moment, he wore it anyway. That's a problem Kenny hadn't thought of: Kyle might not grasp it.

Red hair falling all over his face, he bent over and picked up the bag of chips, examining it. He slid down the glasses that were earlier settled on his head down to his nose and read:

"Best before..." He shrugged. "No, they're fine."

He dropped the bag and settled his hand on his best friend's back gently.

"You okay dude?"

Stanley still had most of his face ducked in the bin and in an eerie slowness, he shifted his bright blue eyes towards Kenny, shooting the blonde the iciest of glares he had ever received in his entire life, from the farthest corner of his eye. Stan had figured it out. His arms were shaking from having supported himself this whole time, but his white knuckles showed that his grip on the trash can was still strong. He wasn't done yet.

As if answering to Kyle's question, Stan retched again and began taking shallow breaths. Every few seconds he stopped breathing as if he was going for another puking round, but nothing else came out.

Eventually, he slowly removed himself from the trash can and sat himself down in front of it. "Could I please have a napkin?" He asked, not turning to anyone.

"You okay?" Kyle asked him again as Wendy handed him a damp towel she had gotten from the kitchen.

"Yeah... Sorry..." He muttered, wiping his mouth.

"I'll get you some water." Bebe said.

"Um, actually could you grab me some juice..." he blushed and smiled sheepishly. "My breath doesn't smell very nice."

"I wonder why that was, are you feeling okay?"

God Kyle, of all the times you could have been an idiot, you choose NOW of all times? Kenny thought to himself. This was seriously stressing him out, he wondered if he could push his luck and maybe try and open Kyle's eyes.

"Yeah I'm fine dude." Stan smiled up at him and stuck out his hand. Kyle pulled him up in a single tug, of which Stan had probably provided most of the force.

Excuse to hold his hand, Kenny smiled to himself at the thought.

"That's weird, that you would randomly throw up like that." The redhead said.

"Yeah Stan, you got all close to Kyle and just RANDOMLY threw up. It's kind of weird, has this ever happened to you before?" Kenny stepped in as the two girls stood not far away, letting him take care of the situation.

"I don't think it has." Stan said in a matter that put an end to the conversation, but the girls and Kenny refused to give in just yet.

With a shrill laugh Wendy sat herself down on the couch.

"Ha! Remember when you used to throw up on me?"

"Heh, good times." Bebe teased.

Kyle grinned and let out a single chuckle. "Wasn't that because he liked you?" He asked.

Way to go Kyle, dig your own grave dude, make it easier for us, Kenny thought.

"Yeah it was." Wendy said and suddenly, everyone was silently watching Kyle, awaiting a reaction, a response, anything! It was like a competition, three against one and only Kyle would determine the winner. Kenny could see it in Stan's eyes; he was praying for his friend not to realise. But Kenny refused to lose this one. Everything had gone so perfectly. He wasn't going to let Kyle's random moment of stupidity ruin it.

"That's weird." He said and simply sat down. Stan smiled, probably thinking he had won, but Kenny knew Kyle hadn't finished his sentence. "You crushing on me dude?" He joked and laughed, along with Stan who obviously faked it.

"It was just a coincidence dude." Stan smiled, so very pleased with himself that Kenny wanted to attack him just to get that smug expression off his face.

"Yep!" Kyle said cheerfully.

Well that was it. It all failed. They had gotten so FUCKING close and now it was all over. Nothing. He had to start from scratch and this time alone; he doubted Wendy or Bebe would want to help him again. Thing is, if this didn't work, Kenny couldn't really think of a plan that would work better. If it didn't hit Kyle straight in the face this time, it probably never would unless Kenny yelled it out loud. Might as well give this one up. He wasn't helping anybody anyway, it's not like Stan even wanted Kyle to know, right? So in a way, it was good that-

"Stan I think we owe them a dare though." Kyle said to Stan, facing him.

"Wait what! Why?" Stan panicked.

Oh my God! Bless you Kyle! Kenny jumped for joy...on the inside.

"Well, I don't think puking was part of the dare..." He said naively, which sounded kind of unnatural because 1. Kyle wasn't a naive person and 2. He had kind of a baritone voice.

"Yeah, but we don't-"

"Yes! A redo! Bebe licked chips off of me! The least you people can do is almost-kiss each other properly!" Wendy said.

"No way dude." Stan argued nervously.

"Fine, Kyle will do it. All you have to do is stand still." Bebe said and crossed her arms over her massive chest. Nice move, Kenny thought.

"That sounds good." Kenny added.

Stan is SO going to hate him after this...but in a good way if all went well.

Stan sighed, defeated, and didn't move.

"Go." He mumbled and instantly, Kyle began to lean in slowly. He parted his lips slightly before reaching Stan's lips and then retreated.

"Was that okay?" He asked.

None of them answered, because they were all watching Stan. It was HIS reaction that was anticipated this time. His eyes were shut tightly, along with his lips, drawing a straight line over his chin. He had become pale again, but a more sickly, yellowish color this time.

"S-Stan?" Kyle stuttered. It was slowly coming to him (about time).

"Stanley you okay?" Kenny asked, failing (or not even bothering) to hide the joy in his voice.

Slowly Stan nodded, but he sure as hell didn't look okay. He wasn't meeting anyone's gaze and just kept his aiming toward the carpeted floor.

Damn it, just puke Stan! Kenny wanted to yell, but apparently, Wendy had a better idea.

"I watched the Human Centipede yesterday!" She randomly yelled and the beautiful, glorious sound of Stan barfing was heard seconds later.

"Oh shit." Kyle said and jumped to help Stan.

His head deep in the trash bin and in a hoarse, defeated voice, Stan spoke once he was done puking.

"Sorry Kyle." He said.

"Stan, it's okay. I just don't get-"

He paused in the middle of the sentence when Stan lifted himself up and stared straight into Kyle's eyes.

"I'm really sorry, Kyle." He repeated and at this point, Kyle knew what was going on, but he still couldn't believe it.

"Stan I..." He looked at Stan, then at Kenny and then at the girls, not knowing what to say or do. He wanted an answer, but neither of them had one. After all, they were the ones who put him in the situation.

He sighed and held Stan shoulder, making him look up nervously.

"Stan." He smiled. "It's really okay."

Slowly, as if Stan was some kind of animal that would run away at any second, Kyle hugged him. It was short, like a regular bro-hug, but it was still nice to see that they were both okay.

Eventually, the three accomplices left them and went home, proud of their work. Stan and Kyle would discuss some things, Kenny was sure of that, which gave him some results to look forward to on Monday. Now the only problem would be to find something to do for the rest of the weekend.

There was something a little off about him, more than usual. Even from where he was sitting, he could see how his hands moved clumsily with the coffee pots and customer orders. The usual fidgeting and slight shaking were replaced with brusque sudden movements that frustrated him immensely.

"Tweek honey are you feeling all right?" His co-worker asked him sweetly, settling her manicured hand over his shoulder.

He nodded rapidly in response, only to almost trip over himself a moment later. He brushed himself off, as if nothing had happened and picked up a cup of coffee. Even in the short distance between the counter and the coffee machine, Tweek managed to shake enough to spill most of the contents in the cup. Letting out an angry cry, he slammed the cup onto the counter and went into the backroom, yelling.

"I can't do it, GAH!"

Confused of what just happened and lost in movements, the co-worker quickly handed the customer what was left of the drink and ran to Tweek without even making the man pay.

"Tweek! Sweetie! What's the matter?" She squealed after him, her hands waving all over the place.

Kenny got up and casually changed his seat, only turning a few heads when he pulled out a chair in the middle of the cafe. He leaned back and tilted his head to see through the door of the backroom. There sat Tweek, his head in his palms and bent over himself, with a visible vibration going through his body. The co-worker held his shoulders and muttered something like "are you okay, hon?".

They began speaking to each other but Tweek's voice was muffled and his face was hidden in his hands, disabling Kenny from reading his lips. He needed to get closer and listen in to find out what was wrong with the kid. Kenny got up from his seat and quietly went over to the counter. The girl who was supposed to serve him was luckily too busy with Tweek to notice him, giving him the perfect opportunity to eavesdrop.

"...should I get your bag? You have your pills in there, don't you?"

"Agh! Yeah, but I'm not sure if I should take those. It might have an effect."

Despite what Tweek just said, the girl disappeared deeper into the room and came back with Tweek's back pack, even opening it for him.

"Um, sweetie, am I looking in the right pouch?" She asked, opening and closing some zippers.

"Ngh, yeah..." Tweek took the bag and started looking himself. "Fuck!" He hissed and threw the bag away.

"You forgot 'em?"

"No..." He sighed. "Craig probably stole them again. He doesn't like me taking those...claims I don't need them."

"Are you gonna be all right?"

"Yeah –ngh, life's been a bitch lately, probably why I'm worse." He said, lifting his head up to smile at her.

"You know you can talk to me if you want..."

"I wish...this is more of a...guy thing, I guess. Akh! It's just SO much pressure!"

"Well, maybe-" The girl finally noticed him. "Wait here Tweek." She skipped to the cash and gave Kenny a fake welcoming smile.

"Hi! How may I..." She let her sentence drag on as her smile fell. She began to ponder something; her eyes lighting up when she recognized him. "You... you're in Tweek's class right?" She asked, grabbing his forearms.

"Yeah?"

She let go of his arms and motioned him to follow her. He stepped behind the counter where the employees always worked and into the backroom.

"Tweek! I brought you someone!" She sang happily, dragging Kenny behind her.

"Hey Tweekers!" He said, already knowing and taking advantage of the HUGE mistake the girl just made. Kenny was the LAST person Tweek would want to see for 'bro problems'.

As the coffee addict looked up at met those blue eyes, a chilling wave of panic went through his chest, sending him off the chair in a loud shriek.

"AKH! Kenny!"

"Wrong person?" She asked, flinching a little.

For a moment, Tweek's gaze switched between the other two, currently towering over him. Through his giant dark green eyes, Kenny could see the boy's thoughts running along. Eventually, with a defeated sigh, he got up and looked straight at Kenny, with the little confidence he had that kept him going.

"Ngh- No. Unfortunately, he's the _perfect_ person."

At least 15 minutes had gone by since the co-worker, who's name turned out to be Molly, had left for her break. Tweek and Kenny sat alone in the backroom silently, both of them waiting for the other to say something.

"I won't tell anyone." Kenny reassured. "You can tell me, if you want."

"I know." He said, in scary steadiness, even for Tweek. "That's not what I'm afraid of."

The tension in the room could have been cut with knife, but neither was making any effort to make it less uncomfortable. Kenny spoke like a friend, like he did with everyone, but Tweek's tone held not kindness. You could sense how much he disliked the situation, when his voice didn't shake and those small whimper like noises in between his words were absent. Tweek was angry. Angry at himself for trusting Kenny.

"Then what are you afraid of?" He asked sympathetically.

Tweek raised his eyes up to him and smirked sarcastically, because he knew Kenny knew the answer to that question.

"Your interference."

Kenny was shocked at the other blonde's unusual boldness towards him. What had happened must have been pretty scarring because in most cases, when something happened to Tweek, he'd be incredibly nervous about it. Currently, it felt like it was the HE who had the upper hand in the conversation, which scared Kenny. He couldn't lose that position, at least not to Tweek of all people.

"I'm guessing it has to do with Craig." He stated, pushing Tweek off of his pedestal.

"How'd you guess?" He asked, blushing. He must have noticed because he began looking away and frowning at himself. Trying to keep it together was hard for him.

"You would have gone to him about the problem, but I'm not Craig, am I." Kenny said. "So what is this problem that you can't even tell your best friend."

"S-Something happened." He breathed out unevenly.

"Yes, I think I got that, but what?"

Tweek was going against his own will, that alone was obvious to Kenny. What he was about to tell him, was not supposed to be told. He was making a mistake, but it didn't seem like he had a choice. The kid had probably already gone crazy over the 'thing' six times. He's at his limit. Kenny couldn't help but notice though, how guilty Tweek looked...and how hesitant.

"Tweek, if you really NEED to tell me, then go ahead. Craig won't know."

Tweek took a deep breath and nodded solemnly. And, without even glancing at Kenny once, he began his story.

"It happened right after he confessed." He said, but already, Kenny had to cut him off.

"WHAT? Confessed about what?"

Tweek looked at him, confused as he was. "Y-You know...he told me you were there when he took my pills to test them."

Oh...that. "So he told you he did that...?"

"Yeah..." Tweek started over. "So he told me and he was really sorry about it and all. Obviously, I forgave him 'cause I can't go a fucking day without the guy." He said, exasperated and rolled his eyes at his own neediness. "And he told me you guys talked and you made sure he was okay."

"Yeah." Kenny chuckled. "It was kind of funny."

"Yeah-ngh, I can imagine." He said and stopped talking. His twitching began again, and Kenny sensed that the good part was coming up. Unfortunately, he would have to pull it out of him.

"So...that's what freaked you out? That he took your pills?"

"Ngh- N-no."

Silence again.

"Then what?

"H-he kept apologizing and insisting he make it up to me, which I kept telling him not to do because it would be so much pressure, but then he invited me over and he had made this vanilla scented coffee that was just TOO good to pass off a-and it had these tiny little pieces of vanilla in it, but I left those at first since I thought it was –ngh poison and then-"

"Tweek! For the love of God twitchy, get to the point!"

"R-right sorry..." He said, sounding disappointed that he couldn't avoid the subject anymore. "So, we were sitting and drinking, but no one was saying anything. But then h-he began talking about experiments..."

'Oh shit...' Kenny thought. 'Oh shit, he didn't.' He was beginning to have an idea of what MIGHT have happened between the two.

"Like, with chemicals?" Kenny asked, like some idiot would have.

"That's what I thought too! Bu...but, no."

Of course it's what you thought too! You stupid clueless-

"It was about like doing stuff with girls... but without girls..."

"Masturbation?"

"AGH! NO! Ngggghhhhhh- CRAIG KISSED ME!" He shrieked and immediately slapped his hands over his mouth to muffle his panicked yelling.

Kenny turned around and closed to door, as an excuse to hide his devious smile that curled the corner of his lips. He couldn't believe it; the bastard actually did it. Sure, he had written it in his notebook to watch out, but the guy was drugged, Kenny would never have thought...

"But what should I do..." He heard Tweek whimper from behind him. Wiping away the smile, he turned around, only to see Tweek on the verge of tears, staring at him with his green saucer sized eyes. "I'm practically, be-betraying him by telling you about it, b-but..." He sniffled, his nose wrinkling as the tears left his eyes and traveled down his face. He was cute, to say the least. Not that Kenny was enjoying watching his friend cry, but he felt sudden sympathy for the both of them; Tweek and Craig. He needed to find a way to help Tweek, since Craig was out of the question. He owed it to the kid for having 'replaced' him for so long. It was hard work, especially for him. Being friends with those idiots is harder than it looks, it's a miracle Tweek made it.

"Well what happened after he kissed you?"

"Agh! He just looked at me... then I ran off because itwassoscary!" He said and made a grab for his hair. Luckily, Kenny took hold of his wrists before he could.

"Look Tweek. You need to talk to him, okay?" Tweek opened his mouth to either yell or say something against the idea, but Kenny stopped him. "You really do, okay? If you don't you guys might never be the same again and who's gonna look after you then?"

"AGH! I'll die without Craig!" He squeaked and then widened his eyes. "Oh God-NGH that sounded so gay!"

Kenny smiled. 'Adorable.' He thought.

"Exactly, so you NEED to talk to him."

"O-okay..."

"Now."

"WHAT!" He exclaimed in horror. "I don't know where he is."

Kenny stuffed one hand into Tweek's front jeans pocket and the other smack across his mouth to keep him from screaming. He pulled out his phone and waved it in front of his face.

"And THAT is why we have THESE, Tweek."

Tweek grabbed the phone and spun around, his back to Kenny, and mumbled something. Kenny heard the beeping of Craig's number, followed by barely any humming, before a stoic assed voice was heard through the receiver.

"Craig?"

"..."

"C-can we talk about...Yeah, that...At 3 o'clock, then Jake takes over...Yeah, I know you don't like him...Agh! Okay, see ya..."

Kenny walked over to him when he shut the phone. Tweek still held on to the device tightly, shaking madly right next to his face. His eyes twitched and Kenny could hear his teeth gritting against each other nervously.

"Tweek, you okay?" He asked, titling his head over the other blonde's shoulder in order to see his face all the better.

"Tweekers..." He mumbled.

"What?"

"That bastard..."

Kenny's eyes shot open, taken off guard at Tweek's sudden insult towards his best friend.

"Y-you mean Craig?"

"He called me Tweekers." His voice stable sounded absolutely terrifying, but he looked more scared than scary himself.

"Tweekers? And I'm guessing he hadn't before...?"

"NOHEHADN'T! WHY'DHEDOTHAT?"

"Oh my God! Tweek chill!" Kenny shouted at his fellow blonde as he crumpled down onto the floor and began having his very own special panic attack.

Until 3, Kenny spent his afternoon taking care of Tweek and preparing him for different scenarios that could have been Craig's reasons to kiss him. Out of all 4 scenarios, including the unlikely ones concerning gnomes and aliens, there was only one that Tweek wasn't scared of.

"He just might be gay for you." Kenny suggested finally, after the other three insane possibilities. He braced himself for the roaring breakdown that SHOULD have followed the statement, but didn't.

"Ngh- well, that's not so bad...I could live with that." He said. "As long as, AKH, he doesn't grope me or anything...oh shit, or STARE! I hope he won't stare!"

"He probably will, you have a cute butt."

"AGHHH!"

When Craig came and picked Tweek up, which Kenny could say, was THE most awkward meeting he had ever seen in his life, he tried hitting on the co-worker and then left without her number. It wasn't late, but he wanted to get home. Tweek and Craig were out together somewhere and it would be better to leave his two closest friends alone after what had happened the day before. That left Cartman and Butters, with whom he did not have enough patience to hang out with at the time. Spending an afternoon with Tweek had pretty much exhausted those resources.

On the way home, he went into a convenience store and stole a pen to write in the notebook, safely hidden within his bag, when he got home. He was excited to write about what happened between one of his couples. To him, it was like telling a good friend a secret. It was like gossiping with himself.

His house was two blocks away, one of the streets being a main road.

He did not see the bus coming.

And the bus had not seen him.


	7. Chapter 7

Playin' the Love Game

Chapter 7

By the Unlucky-Charm

He knew it unwise and unnatural, but curiosity got the best of him and Kenny really couldn't see anything wrong by letting his soul linger just a little bit longer on the planet. In the corner of one of the enormous church walls, he floated, watching over the events happening below him. He thought it only fair for him, after so much work, to at least be able to watch the results of his endeavours before leaving for...um, beyond.

They didn't hold funerals for him anymore. After all, his parents were dirt poor and buying a casket once a month wasn't helping much at all. Basically, what would happen at his 'ceremonies' was that his closest friends would gather around his urn (which happened to be a Tupperware this time) and gather up his things. Kyle would usually take his clothes and get them washed, depending on how crude God's humour had decided to get. As for his things, Butters would take them back to his house until he returned from...um, beyond.

"God, I'm fucking hungry. Does Kinny have anything in his bag?" The fat boy whined, reaching out to snatch the old knapsack from the small blonde's hands.

"Lemme check." He mumbled, balancing the bag on his knee to rummage inside of it.

Butters began sliding his hand in between books and papers, obviously not finding anything because if there was ever food in that bag, it would have already been eaten.

"I can't- ugh, find anything, Eric. There's this huge notebook taking up all the place." Butters grunted and pulled out none other than the cherished notebook. Kenny watched in horror as his best friend tossed the thing to the ground, the pages flying open before it hit the ground, crumpled and deformed.

"Oops sorry, can someone get that?"

'_No, no, please God no._' Kenny prayed as Craig Tucker bent over to pick up the book.

"Hey, that's got my name." He said casually and picked it up. "Yours too Tweek." He added, looking up at his best friend who, by the way, had made it a point to stand as far away as he could allow it from Craig, which pathetically enough, was but a 3 feet distance.

"Agh! What? Why? Does he hate me?"

Craig ignored his babbling and went on with reading the page, which Kenny hoped was not one of the creepy ones, because if it was, he would just have to prolong his stay in the...um, beyond.

Craig's face was like a cartoon. Slowly going from completely stoic to absolutely furious and embarrassed in the matter of seconds. Kenny could see his expression change with every perverted or inappropriate blow his notes would throw at him. The end result was a very, very unhappy looking Tucker boy.

"What. The. Fuck. McCormick MUST DIE." He growled, his fingers trying to dig into the paper, making it crumple all the more.

"Agh! He's already dead!" Tweek squeaked and gently pulled out the journal from Craig's grasp to look at it for himself.

He had probably only read the first line before-"HOLY SHIT. SO. MUCH. PRESSURE." The notebook was on the ground again as Tweek's hands suddenly became busy clutching at his hair.

"Guys, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Token asked, picking it up, as if it was his turn to take a peak at the damn thing.

After having flipped through it a little, the rich boy seemed a little taken aback. "It has like...chapters." He stated.

'Separations' Kenny corrected, but what was the use? He was beyond screwed already, he wasn't sure if changing 'chapters' to 'separations' would ease the tension...or Craig's massive frown.

"Chapters?" Clyde leaned in over his friend's shoulder.

"Yeah...Stan and Kyle, Craig and Tweek...Oh, here's me and you."

"Where?"

"See, right after Christophe and Gregory."

Obviously, Token hadn't yet fully read the contents of the journal, therefore was a little bit more relaxed when enumerating these pairings.

"That's sick!" Tweek screeched, avoiding Craig's eyes.

"Just read your 'chapter' and then let's see how fascinating you find this shit, Mr. Smartass." Craig officially lost his cool and began fuming beside his best friend.

"Fine." Clyde said as if he was challenged and began reading as fast as...well, as fast as Clyde could.

They both began reading intensely, but their chapter didn't seem to be very long because it didn't take much time for Clyde to lose all colour in his face; even Token somehow looked whiter.

"Dude. Guys, I swear," Token began, lifting his hand up to his chest. "none of this stuff is-"

"Oh my God, how does he know!" Clyde cut him off with his loud, obnoxious voice, dropping the book to the floor to add to all his racket.

"It's not true!" Token yelled angrily into his best friend's face, then turning to the rest of the crowd, desperately repeating himself. "It's not true."

When Kenny pushed aside the idea of him being murdered the second he returned to earth, the situation was actually really funny. Who knew a few words he had written would have gotten Token Black so easily flustered and Clyde Donovan so very confused. Then again, Clyde Donovan was confused by the concept of a hat, so there really was no victory there.

By the time Clyde had calmed down and Token had failed to convince his friends of his innocence, Kyle was halfway through his very own chapter.

"Stan. He knew." The redhead said in all seriousness.

"Knew what?" Stan said, unsure if he really wanted to know. Things that usually only Kenny McCormick would know, were also usually better left unsaid.

"The rat bastard knew all along."He said, that dangerous, fiery blush rising in his cheeks.

"He...seriously? For how long?" Stan asked, trying to snatch out the book from his crush's hands, only to give up when Kyle clearly wasn't even close to letting go.

"A little too long for my liking." He hissed through clenched teeth.

"Oh, wow."

"I know. He's such an ASS."

"No, I mean wow, you seriously look hot right now." Stan said, tilting his head slightly to the side, looking like a lost owl.

"Stan! Not the time!"

"Well, at least one of the chapters doesn't lie." Token puffed, acting so fed up with the whole concept of him and his best friend being fuck buddies. As true as it was, he would deny it, all the way to his grave, no matter how many stupid revelations Clyde made.

"We should seriously show this to Chris and Greg too." Butters suggested.

"Yeah and the whole goddamn world!"

"No Fatass!" The whole group bellowed at the same time.

Meanwhile, in the corner of the ceiling, Kenny was enjoying himself, especially at the sight of Kyle; that just did it for him.

"AGH!" Tweek suddenly screamed, going into a new and more powerful fit. "THAT'S WHY YOU KISSED ME! RIGHT? THAT'S IT, ISN'T IT!"

His teeth noticeably gritting against each other, Craig eerily turned his head toward his significant other and looked through his eyes with a jabbing, icy stare. Let's just say, you didn't need to be Tweek to be scared out of your mind after having been given a look like that.

"Oh really, darling? You JUST figured that out, hm? Just figured that out, JUST NOW, huh?" He snarled with heavy sarcasm, straight into Tweek's face.

"I wonder why he wrote all of it down." Butters fathomed, still flipping through the book. "It's just pairings. He didn't write any single people."

"I'm single!" Clyde whined defensively. "I ain't going out with no one!" He was about to cry, even though it was partially his own fault that their secret was slowly having some light shed upon.

"First of all, your grammar is disgusting." Butters sneered. "Second, I didn't mean single as in not in a relationship. Kenny hasn't written about a person on their own, it's always a couple."

"We are NOT a couple." Token said, one his hands flying to the side to point at Clyde while the other one was busy jabbing his own chest with slender fingers.

"Yeah, yeah whatever." The fatass rolled his eyes and grabbed the book. By the time these people were done with it, it was going to be in pieces. "Let me see it. Craig and Tweek don't seem to be denying much, neither are the Jew and the Hippie. Are you guys really faaaaags?" Cartman teased.

A moment of silence went through the room as Eric actually took the time to read the texts. At some points he made gagging noises and sometimes he laughed.

"Wow Stan, he makes you sound like such a pervert. Staring at his ass are we? Haven't noticed before." He said and smiled with fake innocence. "Craig, you kissed twitchy? Well, why am I asking, the coffee bitch practically admitted it moments ago."

Wow, that asshole is totally enjoying himself, Kenny thought from above. Every time Butters tried to calm the storms that were begging to explode (courtesy of Token and Craig, who were furious), Cartman would just make it worse. Stan and Kyle didn't seem to give much of a damn, which Kenny decided was a good thing. Clyde and Tweek stood awkwardly in the background, watching their significant others on the verge of losing their minds.

"All right calm down everyone." Butters said, waving his arms up and down.

"He listened to phone conversations! Which creep does that!" Token yelled, smacking that page with the back of his hand.

"I least he's not watching every single move you make!" Craig added, flipping back and forth between two particular pages.

Kenny watched the chaos with a grin. This was all coming together nicely. Now, by the time of his return, they would all have calmed down and would be laughing about it. Besides, he wasn't doing anything wrong per say, it was just a little unusual, he could admit that much.

Rolling his eyes at the flustered mess that were his friends, Butters flipped open his phone and dialled.

"Greg?... Right, Gregory, sorry. Um, could you guys come to the church, like right now?...Yeah, you and Christophe... He refuses what?...Fine, outside the church then!... 'Kay, awesome."

He snapped his phone shut and blew strands of blond out of his face, only for the hair to fall right back into place.

"Agh! Butters, did –did you call Gregory and Christophe?" Tweek asked, with big worried eyes.

"Yeah why?"

"Holy shit those guys are so SCARY!" He squealed, flailing his arms all over the place in search of something to cling on. His fingers ended up laced in his hair again, since Craig was clearly not an option at the moment.

"Well expect ten times worst twitch bitch." Cartman snarled at him. "Once they read this, Croissant is gonna throw a French ass fit."

Yeah, and Gregory would faint, Kenny thought to himself. He wasn't sure as of why Butters had the bright idea of inviting over the mercenaries, but he must have something in mind.

"Token, what do we do?" Clyde whine, with his confused puppy dog look that did not really suit a boy of his stature.

"What the hell do you mean what do we do? Nothing! These are lies! There's nothing we can do!" He said with rising intonation.

"Right. You're right." Clyde repeated, getting himself to calm down. "We have to be more careful from now on." He added, pissing Token off even more.

"No we don't! Because we don't do anything!" He downright yelled, his fist tightening at his sides.

Craig snickered next to him, despite the fact that he too was in quite a predicament. "Heh, sounds like you've been having some fun without me, huh Token?"

"Shut the hell up asshole! Apparently, you've been feeling up Tweek!"

"Agh! You have! WHEN? Was I asleep!" The blonde coffee addict panicked and was on the verge of running around in circles before Craig took hold of him.

"Tweek! Tweek, no I didn't, he's lying! I just kissed you!" He tried to reason with him, although he was still clearly upset about the whole situation.

"WHAT? You kissed me!" He yelled, shaking in the noirette's grasp.

Craig did not let go of him, but arched a brow at him. Did Tweek not remember being kissed by him? Even Kenny was a little confused, but Craig seemed to have caught on before he had. 'Naturally' Kenny thought, taking into consideration the closeness between the two.

"NOT IN YOUR SLEEP." Craig said loudly and very slowly, pausing between each word to engrave it clearly into the twitchy blonde's head. "I didn't do anything to you in your sleep!" He shook him a little. For a second, Kenny was happy he was dead. That way, his friends couldn't hear him laughing his ass off.

"Awwww, Craig! You fake-drink your coffee? That's sooooo cute." Clyde teased maliciously.

This one revelation seemed to have caught Tweek's attention. His eyes shifted straight to the notebook and as he pulled away from Craig, he grabbed it.

"You don't like coffee?" He asked, but it sounded more like a statement. With one last glance toward the page, an embarrassed bashful look appeared on his face. He blushed wildly and his big green eyes shone and blinked.

"Y-you didn't have to drink it." He mumbled. "If you don't like it I mean..." Tweek scratched the back of his neck nervously and avoided Craig's gaze.

"Yeah Craig, why'd you drink it, hm?" Clyde teased all over again, letting his tongue hang out at the end.

"Clyde, stick Token's dick in it, will ya'?"

Everyone laughed (including Clyde, which was weird), except for Token who's anger was reddening his face into a darker and darker shade.

Kenny was slowly making predictions about all the gay jokes that were to go around at lunch and during breaks. His time up in the beyond should give him time to think up a few good ones.

In the next two minutes, insults, accusations and apologies were thrown around, along with the notebook itself. Funny thing was, the dominant ones were the butts of the jokes. Most o them were getting quite flustered with every bit of new information coming from Kenny's notes.

"Wow, you get jealous easily Stan." Kyle said, licking his finger and turning the page.

"And sure seem to like –ngh staring, at his ass." Tweek added.

Stan blushed and smiled a boyish grin. He chuckled and winked at them, acting like the popular jock he was. He mumbled an almost inaudible 'I can't help it', which through the submissive ones into a symphony of 'awww's.

"Cut the sheet, Marsh." A voice was suddenly heard from the church entrance.

In the light that seeped into the room, stood the silhouettes of the Mole and Gregory standing in a very spy-like stance.

"Way to make an entrance faggots." Cartman said sarcastically. "Now that the immigrants are here, screw you guys, I'm going home. I've had my fun."

Following Butters, everyone stepped outside the church because Christophe had a problem with God or something. 'Damn.' Kenny thought. He couldn't see them anymore. With one last glance, Stan closed the door behind him.

"I see." Gregory sighed and dropped the notebook onto the table. "So this inquiry of his had been going on for a while now. Question is, why?"

They had gone to Stan's house since they were all tired of standing and handed the notebook over to the two mercenaries. They had gone through most of it and it really was a sight to see. It wasn't everyday you saw Christophe DeLorne blush or Gregory Yardale's voice go into uneven pitches.

"Well, he was just bored. Kenny isn't like, some kind of evil genius or anything..." Butters said, not sure what exactly was going through Gregory's mind.

"So you believe that he has no ulterior motives?" Christophe asked, like some kind of cop during an interrogation.

"Um, he doesn't. He just gets REALLY bored." Butters tried to defend his friend.

"Hm... Penses-tu qu'il ment?" Christophe addressed Gregory in French.

"Non, pourquoi?" Gregory replied, arching his left brow questioningly.

"Bon, alors –"

"Uh..." Token raised his hand awkwardly. "I can speak French...by the way. Butters isn't lying."

Craig grunted and waved his hand carelessly. "Yeah me too. You're just upset that the notebook supposed you were a French romantic."

Christophe literally growled at Craig who growled straight back. Tweek and Gregory were immediately by their sides, just in case things went to far.

"Ngh –you can speak French?" Tweek whispered, distracting him from the Mole.

"Oui." Craig smirked and winked at him, sending a shiver down the blonde's spine.

"No more flirting!" Christophe sneered, slamming his hands against the table.

The Frenchman was completely distracted, which made him become anything but professional like he usually was when it came to work. His blonde best friend came up behind him, settling a hand on his shoulder.

"Would you calm down? It's McCormick, he's a nice guy." Gregory tried to soothe the tension and frustration that was twisting Christophe's face into a scowl.

"He's a stalker. I don't know why you are taking his side when he thinks you're in love with me." He spat but Gregory remained quiet. A silence stretched on and the mercenary's face took on a terrified expression.

"You're not, are you?" He asked, suddenly quite alarmed and taking a few steps back.

"No Goddamnit, would you please not jump to conclusions on your own. You could go only as far as to say that I care for you or something."

"A wife cares for his husband." Clyde pointed out stupidly, at the exact second Christophe had begun to calm down.

"What?" He bellowed as the Brit sat himself down next to Butters, exhausted.

A while passed with Christophe, Token and Craig going through the notebook like maniacs, taking into consideration every single detail and commenting of everything that displeased them. They challenged each one of Kenny's notes with arguments such as 'he's reading too much into it' or 'he's misunderstanding my motives'. Everyone else in the room could see how wrong they were and how childish they were acting.

"Can I say something?" Kyle spoke up a little shyly, since half the people in the room had completely lost their minds. Even so, all the attention was suddenly turned to him. "Um, I personally think that this um...gathering we're having here is sort of useless." He stated. "Kenny's gonna be back in 2 days max, can't we just wait until then for our answers instead of killing ourselves trying to figure it out?"

"Nah man." Stan lazily tapped Kyle's shoulder to get his attention. "They should figure it out now. That way it won't be awkward for the next couple of days."

"Stan." Kyle rolled his eyes and set his hands on his hips. "I think they can go two days without seeing each other."

"AGH! Can we?" Tweek yelled, before slapping his mouth against his lips; surprised by his own words.

"You know, the bride and groom don't see each other before the wedding either." Clyde pointed out carelessly, making yet another awkward reference to romantic relationships.

"What is WRONG with you?" Token shouted at his friend, scattering his arms up in the air in frantic movements of frustration as Christophe just stood motionless behind him, mouth hanging slightly open and a blush reappearing on his cheeks.

As the four boys who were standing up at this point (Craig, Token, Clyde and Christophe) fought over what stupidity Clyde had meant, Tweek gently leaned into Butters' ear and whispered something.

"Yeah, I'm confused too." Butters replied to him. "But I doubt this means you're engaged to Craig."

Next to them, Gregory supposedly began to laugh, resulting in him choking slightly on his own saliva. As the blonde mercenary's coughs hoarsened, his loyal partner rapidly appeared by his side, hands hesitantly hovering over his shoulders.

"Gregory, are you okay?" He asked in all seriousness, as if the other boy had just been shot.

"Yes –akh! Jesus, ahem, I'm fine." He answered, then rolled his eyes playfully when seeing the smirks on everyone's face.

Christophe swung his body around to face them all, sneering in the least subtly, clearly displeased with the situation he had thrown himself into without thinking.

"Heh-heh, worried are we, Mole?" Craig teased, waggling his brows.

"Non! Shut up, I was merely concerned."

"Ha! Yeah right. Maybe Kenny's notes were right." Clyde said, crossing his arms over his chest in an attempt to look clever.

"Yeah, maybe –Agh! What? No, no they're not right! They're wrong!" Token quickly saved himself from admitting things he truly did not want to.

A few of them began laughing once more, but this time Stan was ready to step in.

"All right, you know what? Ky's right. You guys are getting annoying You should all just go home, sleep this off, spend some time alone and then we'll meet back here when Ken's back. How's that?" He suggested, his tone very friendly. Sure, Kyle was an idea man, but Stan was a born leader.

"Besides, I think it would do everyone some good."

"..."

"..."

They stood silently in front of Tweek's porch, like a couple on a first date. Craig was grabbing at his opposite arm and kept nibbling at his lips, as if trying to formulate the perfect thing to say in order to break the silence.

"Will you be okay?" He muttered, grey eyes refusing to meet green.

"Ngh –it's only two days, isn't it?" He answered with another question.

"Um, yeah."

"Then no."

Craig chuckled and looked away. Was he being serious? 'Cause if he was, then fuck Stan's orders; he had a Tweek to take care of.

"AGH! Don't be like that man, I'll be fine!"

"Right. I know. You'll be fine... But hey, if you ever wanna go for coffee –" He stopped himself because Tweek was flashing him an amused sarcastic smirk.

"Right, since you –ngh love it so much." He rolled his eyes.

Another chuckle, another glance at the floor.

"See ya Tweek."


	8. Chapter 8

Playin' the Love Game

Chapter 8

By the Unlucky-Charm

It was the weirdest thing he had ever seen, and that was saying something if you were a citizen of South Park. It was an odd sight to be witnessing, but it wasn't really weird as it was out of place. The whole...ensemble standing in front of him was just coming off as completely wrong...like it was too ridiculous to even bother imagining and yet, there it was.

Tweek Tweak was on his doorstep, holding tightly in his hands, what clearly was NOT coffee.

The blonde could have been in a Santa suit and Craig wouldn't be as confused as he was now. Without a word, or in Tweek's case, a sound, he stuck out his arm and handed him the bottle of 7up.

Craig arched a brow with amusement. "For me?" He teased.

Tweek nodded frantically, his crazy hair falling in and out of his eyesight with every jerk. He only let go when the noirette took the beverage from him so that his whitened knuckles could relax before he made the bottle explode under his grip.

"No coffee?" He asked, jerking his chin.

Tweek hung his head of messy blonde locks and let a sad smile creep onto his lips. "You don't like coffee." He whispered shyly, flinching a little as well, as if it hurt for him to say it. Maybe it did. After all, he himself adored coffee. Craig had been lying about it all this time. In his defence, it was only because of how he felt and used it as an excuse to be near Tweek at all times.

"Well, thank you for the drink." He said, but he got no response.

In front of him, Tweek had frozen up and was only swaying from left to right with that fake smile still on his face. His tone, in fact, had been eerily steady, Craig remarked. Even for Tweek, talking like that was kind of murderous sounding.

"Tweek?"

"You could've –ngh, told me, you know. I wouldn't have gotten mad." He said, keeping his head low. His voice was back to normal though...at least, whatever normal was when it came to Tweek.

"Yeah...sorry."

Craig could immediately tell that Tweek had taken his pills that morning, despite the thousands of times he had advised him not to. It was all because of his goddamn parents lying to him about the 'conditions' he had and the 'consequences' he would have to face if he missed a single day. He knew Tweek didn't like talking about his pills and usually, just like today, they didn't really have much of an effect on him, so Craig couldn't complain. The magnitude of his shaking goes down and he stutters less through his sentences, unless you make him extremely nervous. So, he just carried on the conversation as if he hadn't noticed a thing.

"How much will power did this take you?" He asked, examining the bottle in his hands, rolling it over the insides of his palms.

"Ngh- The guy at the cash asked me if I was sure if I wanted to p-purchase the item! I'm a regular there, so it was SO WEIRD." His eyes widened all the more as he squealed. "It was so much pressure!"

"Right." He paused and examined Tweek. His eyes stopped around his crotch area, where something circular looking was sticking out from his jeans pocket.

"Tweek, what's that bulge in your pants?" He asked, allowing himself to point downwards. Alright, so that might have been the wrong choice of words, he admitted to himself.

"AGH!" The blonde yelped very loudly and made a grab for his junk.

Craig threw his head back and laughed. He was genuinely cracking up for the first time in a long while and his ribs, not being used to him even chuckling, were aching from the lack of air. Just then did he realise how perverted that must have sounded. God, he must have scared Tweek shitless. Hell, he knew he did since the pitch of his voice rose so high. This would be a good example of a nervous Tweek on meds.

"N-no, not... In you pocket, dude." He said between chuckles.

Tweek looked around confused, then switched his hands to his pocket.

"Oh...that." he mumbled to himself, his tone taking a serious turn. Craig saw it in his eyes as he gathered enough courage to do whatever the hell he was about to do.

The blonde fumbled with his denim pants while he tried to dip his slender fingers into his pocket, from which he ended up pulling out a medicine container; one Craig recognized all too well.

"Is that..."

He held it out, his hand wrapped around it tightly as if he wasn't ready to let go yet.

"Their yours." His words contradicted the whiteness of his knuckles wrapped around the bottle.

"What?"

"They're my meds, Craig." He whispered, lowering his head again.

"I know, but I don't want them."

"Craig, I-I know you don't want me –ngh, taking these...but these keep me going dude. Whether you like them or not, these are what keep the guy you..." He paused and gulped, this time noticeably averting his eyes as far away as possible from Craig's. "...the guy you have feelings for sane."

Craig, slowly grasping the situation, took a step back from the medicine.

"I trust you." He said with a stable tone.

"Tweek, I don't..."

"It's in you hands now. You control my...um, fate? I guess." He sucked in some air and then smiled. "Agh! That must be SO much pressure on you." He laughed in a 'sucks to be you' kind of way.

The noirette slowly rose his hand and grabbed the container, bringing Tweek's laughter to a halt. He pretended, at first, to be taking a look at it and reading the label and then randomly chucked it into the street, where it hit the asphalt and exploded into a bunch of pieces.

"Agh! Why did you do that?" Tweek shouted, semi angrily and grabbed his hair in horror.

"I don't want you taking those."He answered, as stoic as ever.

"Why! I'm gonna be all fucked up now! All –ngh twitch a-and stuff, all the time! See? It already started!"

Craig grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him close, bringing his complaints to an end. Chest to chest, they stood on the porch, their noses brushing up against each other.

"Good." Craig whispered huskily, before crushing his lips against Tweek's slightly parted ones, forming what was the most passionate kiss either of them had ever experienced. But, seeing as neither of them had done much kissing earlier in their lives, 'passionate' wasn't really how other people would see it.

They say that it takes a couple of seconds for the person taken by surprise to just let go and melt into the kiss. Craig was about to see that Tweek, as usual, was an exception.

Throughout the time their lips were connected, Craig could feel Tweek shouting against his mouth and he didn't need to open his eyes to know that Tweek's were wide open. He tried forcing a little more by moving his lips upwards to open the blonde's, but the constant 'mmmmmm' coming from Tweek was still humming against his mouth.

With a long sigh, he pulled away slowly, allowing some room for the sound to come out as more than just a muffled noise.

"Mmmm-AGH!"

The second he heard himself yell, Tweek's hands were slapped over his mouth. His eyes were watery and staring straight at Craig, making the noirette feel just the tad bit guilty. Taking Tweek off guard like that might have been a bad idea, but dammit he was trying to be romantic! He should have known better though, than to think that romance would work on Tweek like it does on any other person on the planet. Usually, things that worked on regular people NEVER worked on Tweek. Just take his pills as an example; like fucking candy to him.

"Wanna come in?" He asked, stepping aside to let him pass in front of him.

"Are…are you gonna attack me again?" He said, his hands parting from his face and lingering only a mere two inches away in the air.

"Tweek, I didn't…" He paused when Tweek flinched back a little and sucked in some air. "No, I won't _attack_ you again." He rolled his eyes.

Tweek slowly lowered his hands and began smoothing out his forever wrinkly shirt. He gave away one glance at Craig and then another to the opening through the door, before shuffling inside the house towards the couch, throwing a few glances behind him to make sure that Craig wasn't going to 'attack' him any time soon.

Craig closed the door behind him and took a seat on the other side of the couch, keeping a distance so he wouldn't scare him away. He didn't understand though. Tweek knew how he felt and he was pretty sure that the feeling was becoming mutual, so why was he still freaking out over every little amount of contact Craig took the risk of making? It wasn't like he was about to rape him or anything. These thoughts were useless and nothing new. Communication, that's what they needed. If Craig broke the habit of keeping quiet, things would get easier. He didn't want their relationship, romantic or not, to be this guessing game to the both of them. If one of them didn't break this barrier, he'd never get anywhere with this kid.

"Tweek, would you please calm down?" He said, in the sweetest voice he could pull off, which frankly wasn't all that sweet sounding. "It's not like I'm thinking of raping you every time my hand touched your…I don't know, shoulder or something."

He was quite pleased with himself, although he didn't show it. He never really showed any emotion anyway. Whether he was happy, sad, mad, depressed, his eyes remained hooded and his face muscles unmoved. And that's what he looked like now.

"9…" Tweek gulped.

"9?" He must have heard him wrong.

"95 percent of -ngh rape s-starts with the touch of a hand on a shoulder." He said, almost to himself, staring down at his hands in his lap. His voice and whole body shook as he spoke the sentence and all Craig wanted to do was slap his palm over his face.

And so he did.

"Dammit! Are you serious? Why do you even read these things?" He asked, raising his voice a little.

He scooted closer to Tweek, who watched this movement with absolute fear in his yes, making Craig want to pull back. He knew that Tweek wouldn't want to overcome his fears of…everything, so as slowly as possible he rose his hand and let it float right above Tweek's shoulder. The blonde's eyes widened and shifted to the hand. Tweek pursed his lips into a straight line, holding in whatever screams he wanted to bellow and stared at the appendage with horror.

"Tweek, breathe." Craig whispered because he had noticed how the other boy's chest had stopped rising and falling.

When he was sure that Tweek's lungs had deflated and that he was breathing, at least from his nose since his mouth was still tightly shut, Craig let the hand fall and settle to the shape of the Tweek's small shoulder. He then leaned in and brought his lips by Tweek's ear, close enough for the other boy to hear and feel his hot breath on his skin. The blonde shivered and didn't try to hide it as his whole body contorted into a strong shudder.

Craig chuckled because he hadn't really meant to do that. At the laughing sound, Tweek turned his face away from his friend's, shutting his eyes tightly, making some tears gather in between his lashes.

"Tweek." Craig said, a friendly smile audible in his tone. "I'm not gonna hurt you, alright?"

"Ngh…"

"Tweek look at me." He said, setting his other hand on the blonde's jaw bone, gently pulling him back to face him. "Tweekers, I won't do anything, alright?"

'Tweekers' finally gave in and turned his eyes and then his full head toward Craig, who spared himself a genuine smile. No matter what he did now, he knew that Tweek would be calculating his every move. He could tell that Tweek had lost just a bit of trust in him after the coffee incident…oh, and the kissing one too. Craig was ready to regain that trust, but he wasn't sure how to proceed. He thought of giving Tweek some kind of spatula he could hit him with if he ever went overboard. But Craig knew that even if it was a spatula, it would be too much pressure on Tweek to be holding a weapon…yes, even if it was a spatula. As his mind wandered off to other kitchen appliances that could be used for self defence, he realised that both of them have been staring at each other for the past 25 seconds in complete silence. By now, Tweek probably thought that he was plotting his end, so Craig laughed and shook his head.

"W-what?" Tweek asked.

"Hey Tweek," He said and smiled, running a hand through his hair underneath his hat. "Can I kiss you?"

"Gah!" He shouted and almost brought his hands back to his mouth, luckily stopping himself half way. "Why…what are you talking about?"

"Tweek, if I don't ask, you'll freak out. I want to kiss, so I'm asking. Can I kiss you?" He said, a little patronizingly because if he didn't he would lose his patience and tackle him on the couch.

"I-Idon'tknow!" He said very quickly, hugging himself and looking away again.

"Tweek, if its taking you this long to figure out if we can kiss, how are we supposed to have sex –"

"WE'RE GONNA HAVE SEX? OHMYGOD!" He kicked his feet on the couch and tried to back up onto the armrest as far away from Craig as possible.

"…in the future, Tweek. Jesus, let me finish okay?"

Tweek slowly nodded and lowered himself back down to his initial seating position.

Craig tried another approach. It's not an attack if you warn the person right? Like, teachers always let them know when there was an exam so they could get ready.

"Okay, listen, I am going to kiss you now." He said, holding Tweek by the shoulders. "Don't panic."

To his surprise, Tweek actually didn't panic. He just sat there, waiting for Craig to make the move because he surely wasn't going to. Craig slowly leaned in, his hand in sync with his face, reaching out to cup Tweek's cheek. As his fingers made contact with his skin, Tweek's eyelids fell gently, but he himself made no other movement. Craig delicately put his lips on top of Tweek's and didn't move for a second. Once he was sure Tweek wouldn't budge, he began to move his lips against Tweek's, which were hesitantly moving too but not as much. The noirette caught Tweek's bottom lip between his own and sucked, pulling out a small whimper from the blonde's throat. He took this as an opportunity and glided his tongue in to explore the other boy's mouth. Craig felt Tweek start and quickly took hold the arm that was still holding his face. Craig wasn't sure if this was a sign for him to stop, but he got his answer when Tweek's own tongue began to move. Okay, so maybe he was just a little surprised but fortunately, surprised did not mean unwilling.

Tweek tasted amazing. He didn't know what it was exactly and he wasn't sure if it was all the coffee, but he was just...yummy. Craig didn't like coffee at all. Despite his bitter personality, he had what some might call a sweet tooth. He didn't like sour or bitter or spicy, but this was something else. He could definitely taste the coffee in it but it was mixed with something else...mixed with Tweek? Whatever it was, Tweek was delicious.

Tweek was the first to pull away and interrupted the make out session. He didn't say anything though, and just sat there looking worried. Craig could tell that he wanted to say something but wouldn't. What he noticed was that Tweek was playing around with his tongue and picking at his lips nervously. His eyes were crossed downwards in an attempt to get a glimpse of his mouth.

"Mono, herpes, cold sores, syphilis." Craig announced out of nowhere.

"WHAT?"

"I have none of those." He added.

"Oh...H-how'd you know I was..."

Craig laughed and landed a quick peck on Tweek's lips.

"'Cause when are you not, Tweekers?"

"Mmph~" Kyle whimpered as Stan drew a trail of wetness with his tongue from his chest down to the elastic band of his underwear. "Stan, you're not supposed to be here..." He whined.

"No one will know, dude." He whispered huskily as he ran his index finger right underneath the elastic and around Kyle's pelvis. "I made the rule, I can break it."

Following the stream of light brown hair on Kyle's stomach, that disappeared underneath his boxers, Stan planted wet kisses all the way down until he came across some clothing once more.

"N-no you can't. That's not –ah!"

With his teeth, Stan pulled down the Diesel boxers enough to reveal what needed to be seen. He licked his lips at the sight of Kyle's fully erect cock and sent a smug smile his way. Kyle gritted his teeth at him and frowned, giving him a 'don't you fucking dare' look. Yeah, as if that was going to stop him. Purely for the reason of disobeying and teasing Kyle, Stan slowly leaned down, waggling his eyebrows at Kyle and stuck out his tongue, half an inch away from the tip. Kyle narrowed his eyes at him and shook his head, saying 'no', but the last thing Stan was going to do was stop. He closed the distance and ran his wet tongue down to the base and then back up, swirling it around the tip. Kyle's head fell back as he moaned a little more loudly. Stan continued to suck him off, bobbing his head up and down the hardened length. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Kyle's fists tightening over the sheets. The redhead moaned again.

"Ah! Stan...!" He breathed out.

Kyle sat up and threaded his fingers into Stan's ebony hair, pulling him off of his dick. Once their eyes met, they moved in unison and met each other halfway into a kiss. Their tongues danced together in between their mouths as Stan's hand worked on Kyle's dick.

"Take off your pants." Kyle breathed into Stan's ear.

The Jew fumbled with the jeans and finally got them undone. Stan pulled away and stood up, but only for a second, to get rid of the denim and the underwear. Just when he was about to regain his spot on the bed, Kyle stopped him and grabbed his hand. Confused, Stan looked down into the eyes of his lover, which had faded into a darker shade of green from lust. Kyle sat up on the bed and let his feet fall against the floor. Spreading his legs a little, he directed Stan to stand slightly in between them. The redhead stared at Stan's huge cock and then up at his face.

"Let me do it now." He said in a hoarser, vulnerable voice.

He was at perfect level to do what he was about to and Stan wasn't going to stop him. He watched as his best friend ran a finger over the underside of his erection, bringing it up to him mouth. And soon enough, Kyle's hesitant but very warm mouth was wrapped around Stan's dick. This was the Jew's first time doing something like this. He wasn't really used to it as it was kind of new to him, but he, just like his partner, was a guy, so he must know what feels good, right?

"Oh God, Ky!" Stan hissed and grabbed onto the red locks of hair that were bouncing all over the place.

Kyle started to go faster, humming around Stan's cock. With his tongue, he spread around the precum, coating the dick as much as he could.

"K-Ky, stop. I'm gonna..."

Kyle pulled away and flashed Stan an embarrassed smile as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand discretely. Stan bent over and pressed their lips together once more, tasting himself a little from what was left on Kyle's mouth. He smiled against the redhead's mouth and pulled away.

"Don't gimme that look." He teased and pushed him back to lay on the bed.

Stan climbed on top of him and spread Kyle's legs a little. For a few seconds, Stan stared into Kyle's bright green eyes waiting for his consent. The two jut gazed into each other's for a moment longer before Kyle tore his eyes away and blushed. His hat was sliding off towards the back of his head, revealing some curly bangs that fell gracefully onto his forehead. With one last glance to Stan and then back to the floor, Kyle gently shut his eyes and nodded.

Stan slid his hand down Kyle's parted thigh, down to his opening. He glided his fingers over it and was about to slowly push in when another hand took hold if his wrist.

"Be careful." Kyle whispered.

Stan smiled a fully toothed, boyish smile before sliding his wrist from Kyle's grasp and setting back on the inside of the redhead's thigh. With teasing slowness, he brought his fingers back to the opening. He watched as Kyle shut his eyes tightly, readying himself for the pain. Stan chuckled and before Kyle could say anything, he ducked his head down and licked around his tight hole.

"AH!" Kyle gasped in surprise and shot his arm out to thread his fingers into Stan's dark hair.

Stan removed himself and took one last look at his beloved Jew before seriously getting down to business.

"You ready?" He asked, with more air that words coming out of his mouth.

"Mmhmm." Kyle whimpered and it could be easily seen how unsure the boy really was.

Stan parted Kyle's legs all the more and settled his whole body between them. His face hovered inches from Kyle's, causing his long bangs to reach out and tickle the redhead's freckled nose.

"I'll be careful." Stan whispered against the other boy's lips and slowly slid himself in.

Kyle turned away instantly to hide his expression and hissed in pain. Stan froze in place, as much as he wanted to keep going, he had to take Kyle into consideration. He gently settled the back of his palm against Kyle's warm cheek and uttered his name. The redhead opened his eyes halfway to look at him. His face had gone beet red and his breathing had sped up. Kyle licked his lips, closed his eyes once more and nodded.

"Move." He said.

Stan slowly began to rock back on forth, in and out of Kyle. His movements were still hesitant, seeing how Kyle still looked like he was in pain. His arms that were holding him up began to wobble, but he ignored it, simply shifting his position and therefore , his angle inside Kyle. One more thrust and Kyle was gone.

"Fuck! Stan!" He called out, throwing his head back, deeper into the pillow. Stan had found that spot inside him, only he hadn't really realized. He froze halfway in the motion and stared at his best friend in shock and disbelief. He would have never imagined Kyle capable of making that face. "Stan...there." The redhead added, wrapping him slim fingers around Stan's forearms. The noirette gulped and nodded, becoming even more turned on if that was even possible.

Stan began to go faster, making sure he hit that spot every time and milked out as many erotic moans Kyle had to offer. He loved filling him up, he loved this friction; the feeling was amazing and just the thought of it almost made him want to cum.

"Oh...God, Staaaan~ Harder!" Kyle moaned.

Stan obliged, spreading his legs wider and slinging one over his shoulder. He began to slam harder into the Jew, making him cry out over the sound of skin slapping together. Stan was close, but he wasn't going to climax on his own. Grabbing Kyle's unattended cock, he began pumping it in sync with his thrusts, making Kyle's breath hitch in his throat.

"Ah! Yeah...fuck, Stan!"

"Ky...I'm gonna cum..." Stan warned him.

The redhead forced himself to sit up onto Stan's lap, looping his arms around his neck. He planted a wet kiss on his lips and then ran his tongue all the way to his earlobe. He nipped around, adding through the shivers of pleasure running through Stan's body.

"Cum inside." He whispered erotically.

Stan picked up his pace and only moments later, Kyle released all over his hand with a loud seductive cry. Stan came right after inside Kyle, filling him up with his seed. Their chest pressed against each other and both of them extremely sticky, they panted together before Stan finally pulled out. The noirette smiled at his lazy lover through his bangs with hazy and satisfied eyes. Kyle had fallen back on the bed and managed to respond with a smirk.

"Wow." Stan said and got up. "You're just something else babe."

Even through his already reddened and tired face, Kyle still managed to blush and curl his lips into an embarrassed smile.

"You were amazing." Kyle mumbled, but insisted on looking away when he said it.

Stan chuckled. "I'm going to take a shower." He announced and lingered around the door, waiting for Kyle to say something and join him.

Kyle didn't budge, but felt his presence. The redhead forced himself to turn over and look at Stan.

"Stan..." He groaned and stretched. "Go shower alone."

"Why?"

Kyle twitched and flipped over once more so that his back was facing Stan again.

"Can't move my legs, asshole."

Christophe had skill. He had talent, especially in what he did in life. He was good at it, some might even say he was made for it. The work he put in and the hours he worked were abnormal and it was hard not to have at least some respect for a man like that. However, he wasn't perfect. No one was perfect, but if Gregory had to name one thing that could be considered a hold back in Christophe's career, he would have to say his temper. Christophe gets mad easily and just loses it. If things don't go his way or if he's ever humiliated, Gregory has to be there to be the reasonable one and keep him from making rash decisions he would regret afterwards.

The blonde Brit had mentioned the Frenchman's weakness several times to him, but it had always been dismissed with 'that had happened once' or 'Gregory, I know what I'm doing'. It was aggravating, sure, but Gregory was starting to think that the mercenary knew. He was almost convinced that Christophe was aware of this, but was just too proud to admit it. Gregory didn't have much proof of this, but one thing he could use was the fact that the Frenchman was pacing in front of him, ranting his cute little ass off about God knows what. He was pissed, that's all Gregory could tell so far.

"I mean, do I LOOK like a fag to you? Non! I do not! I –"

"You're not supposed to be here." Gregory cut him off.

"Excuse me?"

"You're not supposed to be here, Christophe. Remember the plan? All the stuff Stan said yesterday?" Gregory tried to reason, but the Frenchman didn't seem to appreciate it one bit.

"And what makes you think that I am going to listen to 'im?" He spat. "Who eez 'e to tell me what to do!"

He continued to pace, resuming his rant exactly where he had left off. He began talking about the notebook again and how wrong it was. Mentioning stuff about their friendship being ruined by the filth that same book contained. Gregory didn't see how that would affect their current relationship at all. In fact, he didn't even care. At this point, he wasn't even sure if he had a crush on Christophe or not. Did he just really care about him, or was he actually falling for the bloke? It was ridiculous to think of such things, he shook himself. What would be even more ridiculous would be to imply those things in a suggestive manner. No, scratch that. It wouldn't be ridiculous, it would fucking hilarious.

"Well, you're sort of proving it right, you know." He pointed out in all calmness.

"Pardon?" Christophe spun around and stared at him with fiery eyes. Gregory was used to look, so he remained unfazed.

"You're proving the notebook right." He repeated, crossing his leg over the other and pretending to pick at the invisible dirt under his fingernails.

"And how, prey tell, am I doing that mon Cher?" The Frenchman asked, the anger slowly rising in his voice. He leaned in towards Gregory so that their eyes would be on the same level. It was like he was challenging him and Gregory's pride wouldn't let him lose.

"You're not supposed to be here, but you are. You just came here to rant about the notebook. You call me 'Cher'. You are WAY too angry about this, like totally overreacting, love." He said. "You must be madly in love with me." He finished with a laugh and raised his hooded eyes to watch the other boys reaction.

"W-well..." Ha! He was stuttering. "Well, you call me 'love'! And you're not bothered enough!" He said, pointing at the Brit accusingly.

"Well then, who ever said I'm not madly in love with you?" He asked and shrugged, making Christophe turn beet red and just stare at him. He was frozen. Ha, I broke him, thought Gregory and got up.

"I'm going to the bathroom, dear." He said, patting the Frenchman's rough cheek. "I'll be right back."

He walked out the door and headed to the bathroom. Once inside, he counted down: 5, 4, 3, 2...

Bang! He heard from the other side. It was almost as if someone had run straight into the wooden door. Then, more banging was heard, like someone knocking frantically.

"Yes?" He answered casually.

"Gr-Gregory? A-Are you really?" He heard Christophe's panicked over. He could almost imagine the Frenchman clawing at the door, wanting to get in and see his expressions when he answered him. But no, Gregory wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing.

"Am I really what, dear?" He asked.

"Do you actually like me?"

"Nope."

"Oh...but then why-"

"Just madly in love with you is all." He teased and heard another bang, this time like someone collapsing against the hardwood floor.

"Christophe?" Gregory called, kind of worried.

"..."

"..."

"Christophe?" He tried again.

"Will you please come out?" He barely heard. Christophe was practically vulnerable; putty in his hands. "I know you're not doing anything in there..." He pleaded.

Gregory slowly creaked the door opened and peeked out. On the floor, on his knees, was Christophe, gazing up at Gregory, completely defeated. Was he in pain? Shock? Or just lost? He looked like a puppy... that's the only way the blonde could manage to describe it.

"Now, now." He said, leaning down to his level. "Don't look at me like that."

He settled his slender fingers on the Frenchman's forehead and pushed back some dark brown strands. He quickly pressed his lips against the damp skin (Christophe was always sweaty), just like a mother would have done to a child that had fallen on the pavement. He let the hair fall back and started to stroke his head instead.

"Don't you worry, dear. Kenny will be back tomorrow. We'll figure something out." He comforted as Christophe let his head fall upon Gregory's shoulder.

"I don't care Clyde!" Token shouted with impatience over the phone.

"I know, I'm just saying I wish I could come over. Maybe you'd feel better if I were there."

"No. No I wouldn't. I would just be reminded about the fact that all our friends know!"

Token and Clyde were the only 'couple' to respect the rule and not see each other for the day. Of course, Clyde managed to get in contact with his best friend and just remind him of all the shit that was going down. Not to mention all the wedding metaphors Clyde was so fucking good at blurting out.

"So what?"

"So what! Clyde, we do a bunch of gay shit! I don't want people knowing that!"

"Who cares! They're all gay anyway, why do you care? If anyone, we should be the ones making fun of 'em. So would you calm the fuck down?" Clyde tried to reason with him.

"Dude! I even tried to deny it. But of course, you go ahead and contradict everything I say in our defence. What is UP with you, man?"

Clyde didn't like Token's tone. He felt like he was being yelled at by a teacher for answering stupidly to an easy question. He felt, well...stupid.

"Kenny's coming back tomorrow." He said because he didn't know what else to say.

"I know... Bastard's got some explaining to do."


	9. Chapter 9

Playin' the Love Game

Chapter 9

By the Unlucky-Charm

It was like every other time. The sheets were just as dirty, his room was just as small and the disgusting smell of cigarettes and alcohol was still present throughout his entire house. Kenny was alive again, but his life had not changed.

The blonde teen sat up in his bed, checking every single part of him, making sure everything was in place. Even his orange hoodie was somehow back on his shoulders, keeping him warm.

"Oh...Oh! Hey!" His drunken father stumbled into his room, keeping himself stable by holding onto the chipping doorframe.

"He's back! How are ya' buddy?"

Kenny spared his worthless father a smile and hopped out of bed.

"Gee Ken, how d'ya do that?"

"Do what dad?" He humoured him, the same way you would with a 5 year old child.

"The clothes kiddo! They just appear!"

Kenny didn't answer and continued fixing his hair in front of his cracked mirror.

He would have to get going soon, although all he wanted to do was stay in bed and avoid his friends for the rest of his life. He walked past his father, completely ignoring him and his inebriated comments. He made his way to the front door and set his hand on the doorknob.

"I'm goin' in." He sighed to himself and pushed it open.

"Whoo! Go Kenny!" His father cheered him on, even though the guy had no idea what was going on. Kenny started to suspect a little more than just alcohol, but he brushed it off seeing as it was nothing new to him.

"Huh. Thanks dad." The blonde mumbled and stepped out, walking away from the broken down construction he grew to call a home.

'Sure, I could be an ass...' He thought as he walked down the sidewalk with his hands in his pockets. 'I could be an ass and just call Butters to bring me my stuff, without having to bother with all the others.' Kenny smiled. He was really liking that scenario better than what he was about to do, but he knew better. Those guys were probably going insane by now and Kenny was sure that some of them wouldn't think twice about sending him back to heaven on sight.

It was pathetic, really. When confronted, they might deny it, they might get angry, but in the end, they couldn't stay apart for a single day! Even Stan, who was the one who had the idea, broke the rule!

As he walked, he began to prepare a speech in his mind. He could make up some excuses and tell them he only meant well and crap like that. Kyle and Stan would probably be able to see through all that, but they weren't the ones he was worried about.

But before he could deal with all of this, he had one very important thing to do; something he should've done a while ago, but just wasn't sure. Hell, he still wasn't.

The Stotch house was the farthest from his which, in this case, was a problem for Kenny. On the way there, it wouldn't be a surprise if he bumped into someone he knew from school... someone he had watched and written about in his notebook. If luck decided to be a bitch and Kenny DID see such a person he prayed he wouldn't be French or named Craig.

Once he was off the main road and in the neighbourhoods, he allowed himself to slow down his pace, but still avoided any windows with open curtains. When he finally got Butters' street, he made a run for it. On the second step towards the porch, the front door opened, revealing a fully clothed Butters: jacket, scarf, gloves and everything.

"Kenny?" He said and grabbed him by the front of his hoodie. Butters pulled him inside and shut the door loudly behind them.

"Are you crazy?" He asked, but Kenny thought it would be wiser if he didn't answer.

"If one of them saw you..." He mumbled and then stared up at the taller blonde with worry in his bright blue eyes.

Kenny just watched him whisper to himself and found it amusing. Butters was always so cute, no matter what he did. Eventually, Butters took one big deep breath and stared straight at Kenny with a strong, determined, gaze.

"Kenny." He said. "We found the notebook."

He frowned and shut his eyes. Kenny figured he was waiting for a reaction or something, but all he could do was laugh. He chuckled and leaned in to kiss his head.

"I know Buttercup, I saw."

Butters' expression only changed for a second and then lightened up.

"You did?" He said. "Really?"

"Yup. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, babe." Kenny told him, running the back of his hand over Butters' cheek. The smaller boy froze under the touch for a second, his eyes darting quickly to the hand and then back, just as fast. He did not comment on the move, but it was obvious he noticed how unusual it was.

"Yeah...Well, you shouldn't just be w-walking around like that, Ken. If one of them sees you...you see, they're awful mad." Butters paused and threw a second glance at Kenny's hand that still had not budged. "I –I was actually leaving to go see you, but I guess you beat me to it." He chuckled nervously.

"Well, isn't that sweet."Kenny said and glided his hand downwards and began to unwrap the scarf.

"Butters...before we get anything done, because I really do need to talk to those guys, I have a very pressing matter to attend to."

"You're scaring me."

"I don't blame you." He said, very nonchalantly. "Butters, I am going to kiss you now and then we can go and see if Chris still wants to kill me."

To his surprise, Butters didn't say anything. He just stood there and blinked, as if he was waiting for Kenny to go on.

"Butters?"

"Gee Ken, weren't you going to kiss me?" He said in a sweet, innocent voice.

"Yeah, aren't you surprised? Even a little?"

The shorter one blushed and stared down at the floor. His habit of bumping his fists together hadn't stopped either, but only started up when he got nervous, which was definitely the case at the time.

"You know Ken, that's very arrogant of you." He said, but Kenny knew he was teasing.

"How come?" He played along and discretely slipped his arm around the other's waist.

"Just because you had a notebook doesn't mean you're the only observant one when it comes to these things." He giggled and let Kenny pull him closer.

"Mmm, oh really?" He purred and planted a very delicate peck on Butters' lips.

"Am I not giving you enough credit, Buttercup?"

"No you're not. Especially since you made it obvious."

"Let's get going." Kenny opened the door. "You'll explain on the way."

So, turns out, Butters is a very logical person and doesn't really show it either. According to him, Kenny's feelings had been obvious since he had never included Butters in his notebook. Seeing as he was the only guy who was openly gay and that he has had several crushes in the past, it would only be normal for his name to at least be mentioned, but it never was. And that's how Butters reached that conclusion: Kenny had a crush on him.

Of course, Kenny didn't want to blow his bubble by telling him how wrong he was, so he pretended to agree since he found the whole idea of it cute and romantic in a certain way. The real reason why Butters wasn't in the notebook is completely different. It's the fact that he's actually OUT of the closet that disinterested Kenny. It was much more fun dealing with people in denial or ignorance, rather than someone who was aware and changed crushes every fucking week.

Their first stop was the Marsh house, but Kenny doubted that Stan would be home. However, he decided to let his companion find out for himself.

"Hello boys." Stan's mother answered.

"Hello Ma'am, we'd like to speak to Stan if he's up." Butters said, making it sound so polite because of his soft voice.

"Well I'm sorry Butters, I wouldn't know."

'Here it comes...' Kenny thought.

"Stan slept over at the Broflovski's yesterday."

Butters' adorable face fell. He frowned at Mrs. Marsh and pursed his lips.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

Mrs. Marsh grimaced and seemed taken aback, but Kenny couldn't help but puff out a laugh at the confusion that was going on before him.

"Yes she is, Butters. Now come on." Kenny said and grabbed him by the arm. "Bye Ma'am."

"Goodbye boys."

The second the door closed behind them, Kenny received a hard blow to the shoulder, courtesy of Butters.

"You knew!" The small blonde shouted.

"Yeah." Kenny laughed. "I'm sorry, that was mean." He added as an apology, but didn't really seem regretful.

"That bastard cheated!" He whined, stomping his small feet on the gravel. He seemed hurt, but slowly came to twist itself into a frown. His anger flared on his face and his eyes widened slightly when he finally had his own little realisation.

"Oh my GOD! He was the who made up the fucking rule! BITCH!"

"Yeah, he did." Kenny kept on laughing quietly, enjoying the situation all he could before Butters socked him in the shoulder again. "So we're going to Broflovski's then?"

"No." He said and spun around to face him, an evil grin stretching over his face. "As you're punishment we're going to Craig's house"

He crossed his arms over his chest and smiles smugly. "And it's closer."

They walked two more blocks before they turned to curb to Craig's street. The house was right across, but as they were crossing Kenny stepped on something that cracked beneath him like hard candy. 'Oh, right' he remembered, intentionally stepping on another one to get Butters' attention. The 'candy' was in a certain pattern, forming a scattered trail that led to a white, cracked plastic container, around which lay more of the stuff.

"Looks like Stan wasn't the only one to break the rule." Kenny said, trying to hide his amusement and excitement as much as he could. The reaction was going to be priceless!

Butters followed his gaze to the container and then he took a few steps towards it.

"Is this..." He picked it up. "These are his meds, Ken!"

"Seems so. I wonder who would do this..." Kenny teased.

"Stop playing dumb! You know damn well –"

A blast of sudden Lady Gaga cut him off and he began to stumble with his jacket pocket, trying to find his phone.

"Speaker." Kenny whispered, receiving but a nod in response.

With incredible grace and agility, Butters swooped out his phone and pressed all the right buttons at an amazing speed, the second he answered the call. Kenny had noticed in the past how feminine Butters looked when answering phones. He never knew why, but maybe it was in the way his fingers moved... The thought of skilled fingers made his breath get caught in his throat.

"Hey Tweek." Butters answered, holding the phone in his palm, floating between them.

"GAH! How'd you know it was me?"

"Caller ID, babe."

"Oh... -ngh."

Silence.

"Tweek? Something wrong?" Butters asked patiently.

"Um...ngh –yeah! I have a p-problem."

"Lemme guess." Butters said, a devious smile playing on his lips. "Craig threw your meds into the street where they exploded all over the place."

"AGH! How'd you know!"

Butters didn't answer, at least not directly. He pressed another buttons rapidly and snapped a picture of the ground where the container had landed, immediately sending it to Tweek.

"Butters? You there? Jesus Christ, are you being mugged!" He panicked...again.

"I'm fine."

There was a silence again and all that could be heard was the sound of Tweek pressing buttons on his own phone.

"AGH!...oh..."

Kenny covered his mouth to stifle a laugh, causing his eyes to water a little. Butters pressed a finger against his lips, signalling him to shut up.

"Yeah. Feel better now?"

"No! I gave it to him so that he can help me, not –ngh throw them out into the street, dude! What am I supposed to do now? I'm going crazy without them, man! It's totally just..."

He paused again and Kenny was beginning to believe that Tweek WAS, in fact, going crazy without his pills. Even so, Kenny waited with anticipation, because he knew the coffee addict wasn't that dumb and that it was just a matter of time before he figured it out.

"Butters." He said very calmly, which creeped the hell out of the both of them. "Why are you in front of Craig's house?" He asked, his voice very steady and very composed. The kid sounded like an evil mastermind without his nervous ticks there to cut him off in between words.

"J –Just passing by to talk to him, hon." Butters stuttered and Kenny knew that he wasn't the only one disturbed by Tweek's sudden change in tone.

"Yeah...but Kenny's there." He said, slightly angry. Kenny was thankful they were talking threw a phone and not face to face. Butters would have made a run for it by now.

"W –what? No, he's not, Tweek. You're being paranoid. Just –" His nervous voice was disturbed by the sudden beeping his phone made; Butters had received a text.

" **From Tweek:**

**Wtf are butters and mccormick doing in the middle of my street?**

**-Craig "**

Kenny risked a glance toward the Tucker house where, just as expected, Craig was standing behind the window. He was staring at his phone, but then looked up. They made eye contact and Kenny got flipped off, no surprise there. Craig disappeared right after and Kenny waited for the front door to open, trying to ignore the conversation Butters was still having with Tweek.

The front door never opened, but that's because Craig left the house from the back door. Kenny didn't bother alerting Butters about this, since the other boy had his back turned to the house, still trying to reason with a certain twitch-ball who refused to give in.

"McCormick." He said, stopping on the edge of the sidewalk. Kenny decided to meet him halfway, even though he heard a few mutters coming from behind him. Butters must have noticed.

"What's up, Tucker?"

"I think I should be the one asking that. What the hell are you doing here?" He glanced at the medication on the floor. "They won't get you high, so don't even bother."

Kenny chuckled sarcastically. Craig had a way of saying these things, and unless you have known the guy for a while, you won't realise how mean he's actually being.

"Not why I'm here." Kenny said. "I just wanna talk. I don't like you being mad at me."

"I see...Well, I'm over it. Now I just think you're stupid."

Kenny was about to smile and walk away, but Butters kind of ruined his image.

"Why?" He asked. "How is he stupid?"

The taller blonde wasn't sure whether or not Butters was trying to defend him or was just plain curious. Either way, Kenny did not appreciate this interference.

"Think about it. That notebook was going to be found eventually and it wasn't like he was making an effort in hiding it either. Now what if Tweek found it? He wouldn't have shown it to anyone and...he's Tweek, God knows what he would think."

Both Kenny and Butters looked away and smiled, trying to look as nonchalant as possible, as if they didn't notice how Tweek was the one and only example Craig could have come up with. On top of it all, it was a hypothetical situation.

The stoic teen must have noticed, because he sighed and flipped them off out of the blue. A hint of a small smile could be seen on his lips, but Kenny didn't point it out, seeing as Craig didn't look like he was going to beat him up and giving him a reason to change his mind was not a very smart thing to do.

"Shut up." He added, staring at Butters who had just let a chuckle slip out. "You're just damn lucky Tweek doesn't hate me, or else I would have killed you."

Craig shrugged and began to walk, as if his previous statement ended the conversation.

"So, that's why he's stupid?"

"Yeah..." He stopped walking but didn't turn back their way. "There was also the possibility of the mole finding it. THEN you would have been dead."

And so, that ended their conversation. Craig was off his list and with much ease too. Tweek could also be considered off the list, which relieved Kenny greatly. The pair was supposed to be one of the hardest ones, but they had proven him wrong. Now the only difficult people, no, the only difficult PERSON left was Christophe. Gregory will be reasonable. Clyde and Token are easy and Stan and Kyle might not even be awake after the previous night they had spent together. Whichever way, they would soon find out since Kyle's house was their next stop.

"What the hell do you want? Do you know what time it is?" Stan answered the door, rubbing his eyes. "It's fucking cold too."

"That's probably because you're in you boxers." Butters snapped at him.

"Yeah, so?" He yawned. "What do you guys want?" He said rudely, which Kenny knew would piss Butters off and raise his bitchy meter to a maximum.

"I want to know why the hell you're answering the door half naked when this isn't even your fucking house, Marsh." He said with all the attitude he had, crossing his arms over his chest. He would have commented on his outfit too, but the guy wasn't really wearing much.

Butters' comment must have set him off, since Stan clearly hadn't woken up proper and didn't seem to realise much yet. Kenny took this as an opportunity to get a glance behind Stan for any signs of a certain sexy redhead, hopefully as shirtless as his partner.

"Oh...shit. Yeah..."

"Mmhmm, no clothes, not your house, smelling of sex...the odds are no tin your favour, my friend." Kenny teased, staring Stan down. "Parents not home, I'm guessing."

"Yup, just Ike."

"Yes!" Someone called room the living room. "Did someone say my name?"

Stan grunted and rolled his eyes. "No Ike! Kenny and Butters are here!" Stan called back.

"Hey Ike!" Butters yelled into the door and allowed himself step inside. He walked passed Stan, followed by Kenny.

"How are you?" Butters asked the younger Canadian boy once he had taken off his shoes and jacket. He sat next to him and examined the book he was reading.

"I'm okay." He said. "Are you guys gonna stay? Kyle's making breakfast." The boy paused and chuckled quietly. "He looks like such a nerd in his apron."

"Apron, you say?" Kenny grinned and bounced off towards the kitchen.

"Hey! Kenny, wait a sec!" Stan ran after him.

As promised, Kyle was in an apron; something Kenny would have spent hours drooling over if it weren't for Stan doing everything in his power to stand in the way and block the view.

The redhead's hat was still on, along with a white T-shirt and boxers. He was poking at stuff sizzling in the pan he was holding above the stove top. Kyle didn't pay much attention when the 2 boys ran in, but rolled his eyes and their foolishness.

"You know I can hear you in here. The living room's not that far." He said loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Love you, bro." Ike shouted.

"Right..."

He continued cooking with his adorable apron on, adding a few things into the pan every now and then. He was so dam cute.

"Stop looking at him like that." Stan muttered with his teeth clenched together. "It looks like you're gonna eat him up."

"Looks like you already did, Marsh."

Stan stood up, outraged, slamming his hands against the table, making all the silverware shake and clink against each other. He narrowed his sparkling and newly awoken eyes toward Kenny in a threatening manner. But Kenny wasn't scared. Stan always made scenes like this when his loved ones were insulted or something. He used to be like that with Wendy too, always wailing on and on about how she was his girlfriend and deserved respect and all that bullshit. He basically put on the show for Wendy so he could get laid later on for 'standing up for her'.

Kyle was different, though, Kenny was certain. Kyle was, for one, a dude. A very fiery, feisty and brilliant dude who could easily stand up for himself and probably do it better than Stan. So, keeping that in mind, instead of listening to boring ol' Stan, Kenny slowly turned his head toward the redhead for a reaction, his devious smirk still in play.

Kyle still had his back to them, his attention on the food sizzling in the pan. The only thing he did was sigh and turn the stove off in one swift movement.

"Stan, sit down." He said calmly, not even bother to finally turn around.

"Fine, but if he comments on –"

"Stan. When does he not?" Kyle reasoned, turning around with his hand on his hip.

"Yeah Stanley, when have I ever NOT fantasized about Broflovski here. I mean, DAT ASS!" Kenny moaned at the end of the sentence, which almost made Stan explode and beat him up. He totally would have if Kyle weren't there. His reddened face twisted into an expression of disgust and Kenny noticed him shuddering.

"What's the matter? Mental pictures?" He teased.

When Stan didn't answer, Kenny got up, snatched a sausage from the pan and went to the living room where Butters was.

"Hey Buttercup, these guys look like their doing fine, we can move on." He said.

"No way! I still need to kick Marsh's ass for lying to everyone."

"Move on to what?"

Kyle appeared in the doorway, his apron now hanging in his hand. He was looking straight at Kenny and even though he asked the question, it was obvious that he knew the answer. Kenny decided to tell him anyway, because the kid usually gave good advice and he needed some right now.

"To the others who were in my notebook." Kenny said.

"I suggest you skip Craig, Token and Christophe." Kyle said, moving into the living room, closer to the blondes. "I know that's most of them, but...Ken, they were really mad."

"Aw, you worrying about me, Broflovski?"

Kenny was about to step forward and maybe even make contact, but like a loyal dog, Stan was instantly at the redhead's side, shooting forbidding looks all around the room.

"We already went to Craig." Butters stepped in as well. "He was pretty chill."

"Serious?"

"Yeah, dude. He was fine. I think Token's gonna be our only problem." Kenny said, jerking his head sideways, motioning to Butters that they had to get going.

"And Chris." Kyle added.

'Yeah...right.' Kenny thought sarcastically. Gregory was too civilized and the last thing he would let his partner do is physically hurt him. When everyone first saw the notebook and their own personal 'chapters', they completely freaked out. However, Greg didn't even experience that moment of insanity, instead remaining calm and composed during the whole thing. He even managed to keep the Mole somewhat calm...at least calmer than how he would have usually reacted.

Kenny felt like a salesman, going from house to house. He had only been through 3 and a half people (Tweek was the half since he took care of him through the phone) and he was already exhausted. It was a depressing, grey day and all that walking in the cold had got him yearning for a warm bed to lay in.

The two were walking to the richer side of town where they would hit Token's house too, once they stopped at Gregory's.

'**I hear you're doing rounds. Christophe and I are at my place.**

**Greg' **

Butters showed Kenny the text, but neither of them bothered asking how that information got to them. It wasn't hard to find Gregory's house. Kenny had never been, but a large, white, Victorian house stands out like a sore thumb in South Park.

"I wanna do it!" Butters yelled and skipped to the house, where he pushed the pretty golden doorbell over a dozen times. "Even the noise it makes is fancy!" He was way too excited.

"Buttercup, we go to Token's all the time..."

"Yeah, but this house looks like the queen of England would live in it!"

"I heard you the first time." Gregory said even he before he had fully opened the door.

"Oh my God, even the inside looks all royal!" Butters leaned sideways, sneaking glimpses of the inside of the house. It was big with very high ceilings, making the rooms seem larger than one would have thought by looking at the house from the outside. Fancy furniture was scattered along the walls, leaving vast open space to walk around in.

"Nice place." Kenny said, suppressing jealousy and spite. Gregory lived alone in this mansion of his, when Kenny had to go home every night to a fucking shack with four other people living in it, two of which were usually intoxicated.

"Thank you for coming. I'm glad you're here. Christophe has been acting odd since yesterday." He said, rolling his eyes.

Butters didn't get mad this time, at the fact that the two mercenaries had also broken the rule. The small blonde was too mesmerized with Gregory's luxurious lifestyle to give a damn.

"What do you mean by 'weird'?" Butters mumbled, his eyes totally unfocused. The poor kid was so phased out that he jumped out of his pants when a series of loud stomping noises begun, getting louder and louder.

"Gregory!" A random door was slammed open, revealing a staircase behind it and...Christophe. "Who is it? Are they bothering you?" The Frenchman stepped out and began looking around the room suspiciously.

"Oh. McCormick. It's you..." He growled, like he was pleased to see him. His amused sarcasm made a shiver go down Kenny's spine and suddenly, he felt kind of threatened, even though an actual 'threat' had not been made. His gaze stuck to him and Kenny felt like he had walked straight into a trap. Christophe's eyes were gleaming, but had darkened just as well. His whole face looked like it had transformed and raw, wild excitement was only readable expression. Kenny wanted to run. The brunette had him right where he wanted him; he saved him all the work by coming here. 'This is the last things his victims see before...'

"They're not bothering me, love. Kenny's back."

"Yes, I can very well see that." He paused and eyed Butters this time. "Don't call me 'love'." He added mumbling, without looking at the Brit; his eyes remained fixed on the other two.

Either they were going out and hiding it or they weren't going out at all. Either way, Butters didn't need Kenny to tell him something had happened between them yesterday.

"Would you gentleman like anything to eat? I haven't restocked since I got back, but I might have a few frozen foods in the basement."

"I'd love that, actually." Kenny said, setting his palm on his stomach. Killing two birds with one stone: getting food and getting Christophe alone.

Gregory was about to go downstairs, when the Mole grabbed his arm.

"There are rats down there. I'll go."

Gregory arched a brow and opened his mouth to protest, but the Mole had already dashed off, the door slowly sliding shut behind him.

"Rats." Gregory said.

"What did –"

"Bloody rats." Gregory cut him off. "I've fought and murdered men twice my size to save his goddamn life, but he decides to protect me from rats...that aren't even there, by the way!" He stopped dead and gazed into the emptiness, his eyes frozen at one place. "If I had vermin, I'd get rid of them."

"So, I'm guessing Frenchie is having some issues with all of this, huh?" Kenny said, trying to sympathise instead of laugh.

"Issues! Since he saw the notebook, he's gone from furious, to cute, to treating me like a fucking pregnant woman!" Gregory's face reddened, but his voice remained in a normal tone, not fully raised.

Butters went over to the Brit and rubbed circles on his back. His adorable compassionate look made him look younger and more naive, along with the fact that he stood a foot shorter than Gregory; that made him look like a downright kid.

"He's been protective?" He asked the obvious in the softest voice he could manage.

Kenny looked away and didn't pay much attention to the other two blondes. He was waiting for Christophe to come back with the food. Yeah...right...food. He was probably bringing his gun or his knife or some other freaky weapon. Besides, even if he did want to say something to the Brit, he feared that the image of the pregnant Gregory in his head would make him snicker instead of talk.

Christophe came back with, surprisingly, nothing more than three boxes of frozen pizza. Without a word, he made his way to the kitchen and turned on the oven. Everybody in the room was staring at him and as aware of that as he was, he pretended not to notice. The food was ready quickly and they all sat down to eat, all of this done in silence expect for a few casual exchanges between Gregory and Butters. Kenny didn't say a word, waiting for Christophe to make the first move.

"I am not angry." The Frenchman said, eventually. "At least, not anymore."

"So you're not going to kill me?" Kenny grinned.

"If you smile like that again, I just might." He paused. "I'd be more worried about the Black boy if I were you."

Kenny and Butters left the second they finished eating.

"You're ridiculous." Gregory turned to his companion and said, once he had closed the door after them.

"And how is that?"

"You got all riled up yesterday and now, you just let him go like that! You're just angry that he was spying on you. And you, the greatest mercenary I know, did not even realise until the evidence was given to you." Gregory smiled and shook his head. "You're angry at yourself."

Christophe was never good at hiding his reactions, but he still made a point to deny everything, despite how clearly embarrassed he was.

"Stop speaking nonsense." He stated and shot up from his seat. "I am going to take a shower."

He began to march up the stairs.

"I'll help you turn the water on." Gregory called after him.

"But... I already know how..."

The blonde skipped up the stairs to join Christophe. He slung his arms around his neck and grinned straight into his confused looking face.

"You sure?"

"Y-yes..."

Sliding his hand down the Frenchman's chest, Gregory whispered into his ear.

"I don't think you are."

He took him by the arms and dragged a very reddened and stuttering Christophe straight to the shower.

The sheer beauty of the situation made even Butters grin devilishly, which wasn't something that he usually never did. Out of each pair they had visited, this one was supposed to be the hardest one. However, it was going to be very hard for Token to argue after being caught in the act with a certain airheaded jock. Judging by what he saw, Kenny came to the conclusion that the two must be very comfortable with each other by now, since they were able to go at it inside Token's Jaguar, which, by the way, was parked in front of his house, out in the open street. His parents could have EASILY seen, but clearly, that hadn't stopped them.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Token hissed, once he stepped out in the cold air with nothing but jeans and socks on.

"Nothing. We were just passing by. You two are the ones with the shameless PDA display."

"Who told you to look in the car?"

Even though they had him cornered, Token still had the nerve to argue. Kenny wondered if he was even aware that he didn't have a shirt on and that he was blushing like fuck, probably due to the heated situation he was in before the interruption.

Clyde stumbled out of the car next. At least he was smart enough to be fully dressed and also sweet enough to bring Token his shirt.

"Way to cock block dude." Clyde complained.

"Shut up!"

"Oh please, you really think you're going to be able to get out of this one?" Clyde laughed. "Good luck, but ain't denyin' shit."

Token shot his friend a very dirty and betrayed look, which ruined his usually cool composure. He wasn't the type to get flustered so easily.

"Look Token, we saw the car rocking a mile away." Butters said with a whole lot of sass. "There's no need for us to stay here any longer, so why don't you just forget this happened and go back to doing to whatever it was you were with Clyde."

"No. I will not." He growled. "I don't want you thinking that I...that me and him are..."

Clyde walked up next to him and draped an arm over his shoulders. He pressed his other hand against his cheek and turned his face towards him. Token did not argue nor did he struggle, but he didn't look all too happy either. He gently pressed his lips against Token's, but only for a second. His puppy dog eyes stared straight into Token's angry ones and he smiled boyishly.

"Can we PLEASE, go back in the car." He begged, tilting his head to the side.

"What? N-no, but I..." Token stumbled with his words, pointing at Kenny and then to himself with his mouth hanging open but no word coming out.

"Oh, no need for that." Butters said, settling his hand in the center of Kenny's back. "We're leaving. Bye, guys." He said and waved as he and Kenny walked away.

The whole journey back was done laughing hysterically. They waited until they were out of earshot and then mocked and mimicked the rich boy until every single possible joke was made.

"Did you see his face when he saw us through the car window?"

"Oh my God! That was fucking funny!"

"Clyde just looked so disappointed."

They got home just before the sun set completely. It wasn't really that late, but the sun always went down really fast in South Park during winter. Butters invited Kenny in for something warm. Even though Kenny knew he was talking about something to drink, they both had an idea of what was going to happen.

Once inside, Butters didn't even glance at the kitchen. They both power-walked all the way upstairs to the bedroom, without even speaking a word to one another. The door was shut behind them and they stood in the middle of the room just staring at each other. Butters nervously tugged at his shirt, while as Kenny stared at him hungrily. As if Kenny was controlling him with his mind, Butters slipped off his shirt, revealing his pale bare chest. He wrapped his bracelet clad arms around himself and looked away from his partner's eyes.

Kenny smiled and slipped his own shirt off, making Butters go red at the sight of his toned chest and abdomen. For a kid who barely ever had food on the table, Kenny was built underneath that orange hoodie of his. His jeans were riding low, leaving very little to the imagination. He took the first step forward and Butters followed. By two more steps, they were pressed against each other, making out heatedly. Their lips refused to part as they kicked off their shoes and socks along with their jeans. The second Butters had stepped out of his pants, it didn't take long for Kenny to push him onto his bed. He climbed on top of the smaller boy and grinned like the Cheshire cat. Butters shivered beneath him, staring up with hazy blue eyes. He bit down on his lower lip seductively and pulled Kenny down.

"Mmmm." Butters moaned as Kenny licked a trail over his jaw bone to his ear lobe.

He pressed kisses on random parts of his neck, stopping from time to time at his collarbone and sucking hard. Butters squirmed under the other's weight, trying to pull him closer as much as he could. He tangled his fingers in Kenny's golden locks and tugged each time his crotch rubbed agonizingly against his.

"Mmmhmmhmm." Kenny let out a moan/chuckle. "Don't do that Buttercup, you just might push me to the edge." He whispered huskily into the smaller boy's ear, causing him to shiver for the second time.

Kenny then moved down to his chest, tweaking at his hardened nipples with his fingers and teeth. Electric shocks were sent all through Butters' body with every bite, following by a relaxing wave every time Kenny's tongue soothed the reddened parts. His mouth is fucking magic, Butters thought.

"Ken, ah-please...!" He begged.

"Whatever you say..." The other teased and lowered his head all the way down. With his teeth, he skilfully pulled down the cotton underwear, earlier in the way, and smiled at the sight of Butters' fully hardened cock.

He swirled his tongue over the tip, right before taking in the whole thing into his mouth. As he continued to suck him off, he prodded his fingers down to his opened.

"I'll be gentle..." He said.

Suddenly, without warning, Butters sat up and frowned, seeming quite insulted.

"I've done this before, you know. Don't take your precious time." He snapped and fell back onto the mattress.

Kenny, now even more aroused, pulled down his underwear and thrust in without even a second thought. Butters writhed under him and clenched his teeth. Kenny did not move, in fear that he was hurting him. As much as Butters may have done this in the past, it still hurt, especially since they didn't have any lube.

"Move." He ordered.

Slowly at first, Kenny began thrusting, loving the feeling of having Butter's around his cock. The smaller teen was still biting down on his lip and was uttering small, lustful noises too. It all drove Kenny crazy, making him pick up his speed.

"God...Ken. Don't you dare fucking stop." He whispered, clutching at the sheets he was laying on.

Kenny shifted a little, trying to find that spot. They were both sweating, with their wet bodies grinding up against each other. Kenny grabbed the inside's of Butters' thighs and spread them wider, allowing him to thrust harder and harder.

"Ah! Kenny, there..."

Kenny stopped. He dug his fingers deeper into Butters' flesh and hit it again, as strongly as he could. Butters cried out, his nails clawing at Kenny's back.

"Fuck...Butters..." Kenny grunted, trying hold back so they could cum together.

Luckily, it only took a few more thrusts. Butters began to twitch and breathe heavily. Kenny went even faster, hitting that same spot each time.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum." He cried out and arched his back against the bed.

Kenny came hard inside of him, spilling his seed and making the orgasm last all the longer. He only pulled out when Butters had stopped twitching and shaking and then fell next to him on the mattress.

"Jesus..."

"Yeah...I know..."

Kenny held Butters tight against him. The smaller teen had fallen asleep, but he was still awake. A thought had just occurred to him, which amused him: there was a 90% chance that ever other one of their friends was in the same exact position they were in at that moment. He smiled.

Even if they were angry and did accuse him of many things, Kenny knew it was quite the contrary. Those bastards owed him. They were probably even thanking him in their minds right now, whether they were in a car, on a kitchen table, a mansion or even fetching some after-sex coffee; it was all thanks to him.

In the end, this whole town was his chess board and all the people were the pieces. All it took was making the right moves for Kenny to win this love game.

The End.

**A/N: Ugh, I am SO happy I finally finished this story. I felt like it was dragging on, so I told myself that I would finish it this time for sure. That's probably why this chapter is much longer than the rest. I hope you enjoyed it, at least. Please review **


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